Christmas Crackers

My son made up a joke one one year when he was about 5 and it actually makes me laugh even though it is not and never has been even slightly funny.
"What do you call a donkey on a road?"
"A car."

You're welcome MiniMouse. I'm glad you've enjoyed them.

What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train?

Platforms!

Thank you for the laughs VampireQ I've groaned so much my next door neighbour must be thinking I've gone into labour

What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling?

An elfcicle!

Why did the turkey join the band?

Because it had the drumsticks!

How long do a reindeers legs have to be?

Long enough so they can touch the ground!

Did Rudolph go to school?

No. He was Elf-taught!

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam!

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?

Krisp Kringle!

Why did the Rudolph cross the road?

Because he was tied to the chicken!

What did Santa say to the smoker?

Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf!

What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet!

What do you call Santa's little helpers?

Subordinate clauses!

Papa, we have bought the cheapest, biggest crackers we could for some years now. We then put some nice chocs and a scratch card in each one.

Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?


Because it 'soots' him!

What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?

Santa going through a revolving door!

Why did the karate instructor admire Santa?

Because he had a black belt.

What says Oh Oh Oh?

Santa walking backwards!

Wat do you call an elf who sings?
Elfis!!

Which bird can write?
A pen-guin.

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws

I could do myself serious damage with liqueur chocolates, but what a way to go!

Don't leave them near the radiator papa

Pinch away!

I'm going to stuff a liqueur chocolate or two into our crackers. Hope it works!