What have you found it difficult to forgive yourself for?

As a child I once joined in with some friends mimicking a woman walking down our road, shaking with Parkinsons disease. She turned and shouted at us, which of course we deserved. I was thoroughly ashamed, and have never forgiven myself!

It was very snowy, on top of thick ice, and my mother and I were struggling to stay upright as we trundled the weekly shop back home. An elderly man was walking along in front of us and he lost his balance. He didn't fall over, but he did a pretty spectacular job of staying upright - arms and legs flailing, running and skating along bent over double for quite a distance before finally recovering his balance. We almost fell over, because we were laughing so much. We had to hold ourselves up, once we had started we couldn't stop. We stood there for quite a while, not moving, to give him a chance to get his dignity back.

I am so stiff now that I know I wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in hell for staying upright the way he did, and feel really guilty. I think we were both so worried, we had such a lot of shopping, the thought of dropping it all was a nightmare but maybe it helped to ground us. It's one of those images that won't fade from my mind, though.

I still find it hard to forgive myself for agreeing to leave the Isle of Wight in 1971 because DH had got a good job in East Anglia. It meant leaving my grandmother and as Dad had just died I knew she would be very lonely as she and my mother were not close. Her last letter to me breaks my heart because she said, 'she never thought she would be so alone'.

I have always wished we had stayed on the Island and made the best of a not so well paid job until she died in 1974.

Isn't it difficult- some of us still beating ourselves up after so long?

Why can't some of us be kinder to ourselves admit it was a mistake/wrong/unkind or whatever/learnt from it and moved on?

I'm every bit as bad, and have low self esteem, and I wonder why I struggle to move on sometimes .......which feeds low esteem etc.

Musing aloud rather than suddenly turning introspective , or expecting an answer!

loopy I don't beat myself up. It's more like I learnt from it.

My cat died on my doorstep.

OH! jing when?

47 years ago.

I can't talk about it any more.

jing have 2 or even 6 and drown your sorrows.

I can't break into the Pinot till tomorrow lunchtime.

I will be alright.

I have already broken into the prosecco and have a glass in front of me as I speak although I do not have your excuse.

Eloethan I think it would have been very difficult indeed for you to say something in those circumstances - being the 'new girl' yourself, and the person who made the offensive remark being someone the others knew a lot better than they knew you, or you knew her.
It was a horrible thing to say, and it might have been very brave for you to say something at the time, but sometimes silence is golden and it's better to make a point at a later time and in a way which perhaps would lead to understanding rather than cause ill-feeling.
I'm sure that over time your colleagues would have become aware of your values and appreciated them.

How long have you got!!!!!
Sad for you and your cat jingl

My golden retriever died in the veterinary hospital, alone and so ill. She must have felt we'd abandoned her. I have never forgiven myself for the events that led up to it.
We always used a particular vet but I was suspecting he was overcharging, so when she was ill, I took her to another vet, much closer in fact to our house. They gave her antibiotics for what they thought was a simple infection and sent us home. She got worse, so I took her back. She could hardly walk by now, she was so ill. They couldn't work out what was wrong so arranged for me to take her to the animal hospital, some 4 or 5 miles away. I had to carry her to and from the car, and I was so worried about her. They kept her in and said they would contact us. They did - the next morning at about 7.30, to tell us how sorry they were but she had died. She was only 4.
When we took our next puppy to the vet (our original one), he asked what had happened to Bridey. I explained the symptoms and that the vet we used hadn't been able to diagnose the problem. He said "That was pyometra, I'd stake my life on it. I would have performed an emergency hysterectomy - it may have been too late, but it might have saved her."
So no, I've never forgiven myself for that. Even 25 years on I could still cry for her.

Ash Tree; I went on holiday and left my dog in the care of a dog walker with my ex also visiting her once a day. She had been poorly a couple of weeks before and I had refused to pay for a blood test at the vets and had just given her antibiotics 'to see how she got on with just that'. She improved but, as with your dog, it was pyometra and it kicked in really bad when we were away. She did [thankfully] survive but was never as healthy afterwards. The reason I'd used a trusted dog walked instead of putting her in kennels was because I was worried about her; had she been in kennels I think she would have died. I'd lost the dog book that I always referred to; when I found it months later and read up on her symptoms it seemed obvious that she had pyometra and I still can't believe that the vet hadn't picked up on it when I first went to see them; the syptoms were classic. I always have my dogs spayed now. She was the best dog I've ever had and, I too have never forgiven myself. As for other things that I have never forgiven myself for; how long is a piece of string ?

When I was 8, I borrowed 2/6d from my brother (aged 5) to buy a nurse
dressing- up outfit. I never paid him back.
He still brings it up in conversation, 58 years later.

22 yrs ago my Dad was in hospital dying of Emphysema I worked in the NHS and started my working day at the hospital he was in. He had been in hospital for probably 3wks and I took to visiting early in the morning before my shift started I was in uniform so the staff allowed me to visit.
This particular morning I woke up and it was snowing so I thought I'll have an extra half hour in bed and visit Dad at lunchtime.

At 11am I got a radio call to return to station (I was ambulance staff) which I did and my station officer took me in the office to tell me that my Dad had passed away during the morning.. he was alone in his room and found in his bed by the staff.

I've never gotten over it that he died alone.. if only.......

I ran over my own cat. He was my faithful friend until I killed him. Accidentally of course. Can't say any more than that.

Oh, tanith and Jane10...

tank th how dreadful for you. It probably won't help, but there was nothing you could have done. (((Hugs))) x

Sorry Tanith! I pad!!! Xx

Jane 10 (((hugs))) x