Getting words wrong

We went for a sofa and looked around the showroom until we saw one we liked - it was upholstered in a cotton material covered with impressionist style flowers. The boy wonder salesman descended on us, and before we could name it, he said "I see you have chosen the Ke-zany" We refrained from pointing out that the label called it the "Cezanne"

iPad correcting me again! I meant chimley for chimney.

I have heard quite a few people refer to skellingtons for skeleton and also say chimney for chimney.

We had a builder do some work for us a couple of years ago who told us his wife had got 'the big K'. Despite feeling sorry for him we had a hard job not to

Our estate agent had a favourite decorator who always painted houses with 'Mongolia' paint. I never refer to the shade as anything else these days!

I told my daughter that we could watch a dvd and have some cockporn
( popcorn).

Back in the 1960s I worked with an Australian girl who walked into the postroom at work, which was also the stationary store, and asked the assembled post boys whether they had got any Durex.

It turned out that in Australia Durex was the brand name for what we called sellotape. She came back to the office, without her roll of 'Durex' but very puzzled, we gently explained to her what she had asked for.

It was months before she could see one of the post boys without running for cover.

A friend of mine was sort of verbally dyslexic, was moaning about having to wear he spare glasses because they made her look like Dave Hemorrhage. (sp)

It took me some time to work out that she meant Dame Edna Everage!

She also told me that when on holiday in Egypt they were warned about a certain fish, that if you even touched one of it's utensils you could get a severe reaction.

Then there was the time when we were talking about relationships, and she was very earnest about believing in mahogany (and other tropical hardwoods, I suppose!)

A friend who is very 'clean living' was abroad for the wedding of one of his children. About 10 guests from both sides of the family were present. It was very hot.
Said friend was sitting in the hotel lounge area as everyone gathered. He gasped and said...... 'It is so hot..... my foreskin (forehead) has beads of sweat''' Everyone fell about laughing.... and he has never been allowed to forget it

My mum was showing me round the garden. Intending to say, 'Look at my pieris', she instead said, 'Look at my penis'. She realised immediately what she'd said and was more embarrassed than I ever saw her.

My next door neighbour it always using the wrong words. She had Panasonic views from her hotel room in Switzerland. I can't bring any more to mind but I find myself constantly trying to stifle a giggle.

My FIL recounting a story said his friend had 'been made an escaped goat '

My DD2 when younger informed us that 'Jesus's mum was the vinegar Mary' and that her star sign was Vegetarius. ( Saggatarius )

DD3 on her first journey on the QE2 bridge shouted 'Oh, look at those big pillocks !' (pillars)

I'm sure there are many more with 3 DDs. I wish I had written them all down.

I once jokingly referred to a mural as a 'Muriel', as used by Hilda Ogden in Corrie. The friend must have thought I was correct, as she then used it to describe the painted wall of her son's bedroom to others. I should have explained but didn't want to embarrass her.

When DH's sister was downsizing to a smaller property and had to get rid of most of her furniture and "stuff", she said "I'd like to get rid of the lot and go completely mimalistic!"

It was my grandma who renamed that poor animal the Durex Dog. She would be mortified to know that her mistake is still going strong 20 years after her death! Every time they show their adverts I think of her.

katek

Katek

Katek

I'm sorry if this offends those of you with delicate sensibilities, but the same neighbour who used the Domestless once said to me that she wished her son would stop nibbling his foreskin! I was so relieved to discover that she meant the skin round the nail on his forefinger!

If I need to mention a certain London station, there's a fifty-fifty chance that I will say St Pancreas unless I pause and think about it first. It's just one of those words/names that I will never be able to say spontaneously without risk of embarrassment.

Sometimes though, even the correct word can cause hilarity. As an eight-year-old, I couldn't understand why the rest of the family fell about laughing when, on a walk through the wood next the local golf course, I asked my golf-playing dad if he had lost his balls that morning!
Worst of all was the fact that no one would tell me why it was funny

My late brother in law was telling us a story about his dog who was very anti-cat. "Every time she sees on in the garden" he said "she goes bearsick!" (Berserk!)

A local lady, when recounting the goings on at the 'naughty boys' school, told us that the boys had 'desecrated their dormobiles' dormitories.
My DD's FiL talks (ad nauseum) about his 'prostrate'; we have given up trying to put him right ...[sigh]

I have heard several people refer to prostate problems as prostrate ones.

My friend (a very astute business man) always called Customs and Excise, Customs and Exercise, I do not think he was being funny, he used the expression very often when talking about VAT.

I can't add to this discussion but have laughed out loud this morning. Thank you all and keep them coming.

I still have no idea why my late mother called the old furniture store MFI, MI5!

Maybe she knew more and took the secret with her! x