Wind in the willows!

My mother used to say, 'Ooops, I've ripped me skirt!' Not sure where it came from but it's been a family catch phrase for years.

these work for me So long as you remember to take them just before eating. They put back some of whatever it is we are lacking because of being slightly older.

Hands up I'm guilty, they come thick and fast walking, standing,in company and alone.First was told it was meds ,changed them but it still happens now take tabs for wind but no telling when one will pop out I now carry on and hope no-one says anything.

My great grandmother (family story) used to let one go from time to time and when someone would say "granny really" she would reply "yes blame me dear if it makes you feel better."

I was brought up never to mention such distasteful bodily functions, just to mutter a quick apology and leave the room. If an unpleasant aroma suddenly filled the room and no-one apologised, my father would always know which of us was the culprit, and he would say, "X, I think you need to go to the toilet." I would be bewildered because I felt I had no need of the toilet, but we all knew better than to argue.
Years later I met my DH, whose family was much more relaxed in this department and I learnt to have a sense of humour about such things. It was my DH who taught me this little ditty:

Beans, beans, good for the heart.
The more you eat, the more you fart.
The more you fart, the better you feel,
So let's have beans for every meal!

falconbird your mum was very wise!

Even the Queen must do it, but probably behind a well closed door!

I think people should laugh and own up, not ignore it. One of my sisters farts when she laughs, very small popping ladylike ones, and so when we are together of course we spend ages trying to make her laugh until she gives in. I think it's no worse than sneezing really, although not very pleasant if the farter has had a vindaloo the previous night... You can't catch 'flu from a fart!

Doc Mike Evans, a very thought-provoking and sensible doctor in Canada produced the following video www.evanshealthlab.com/flatulence/ - we all do it!

My mum used to say:

Wherever you be let your wind go free.
In church or in chapel let it rattle.

Another one of hers was:

A sigh is but a puff of wind straight from the heart
But when it takes a downward trend it's often called a fart.
To fart it is a pleasure it gives the bowels ease,
It warms and scents the bedclothes
And suffocates the fleas.

Miss you mum.

I'm glad I'm not the only one to experience this Louella! Didn't Billy Connelly have something to say about it when he went to his first yoga class?

Grans wishing to impress GCs could try downloaded a fart app. I've got one on my phone which gives us all hours of fun. (sorry jings!) It offers a wide range of types of fart. DS, now in his 30s, also downloaded it and sets it off just as he leaves a lift. Just seeing the faces of people waiting to get in .......! Awful I know but laughter's good for you.

That's Noisy Bottoms ordered to add to my selection of farty books - and my Brownie points from the GS. Thanks, Luckygirl for the heads up (bottoms up? ). And to Jane10 for the laugh - oddly enough the silent plane farts were alluded to in an episode of Family Guy last night and we had no idea what they were on about. Now I know and can enlighten DH.

I always remember when the actor Edward Woodward was interviewed on TV, he said that Sir Laurence Olivier often referred to him as "Old fart in the bath", because of the sound of his name said quickly.

I must also get that book LUCKY gc will love it. I once farted at Pilates and made the mistake of saying excuse me. Apparently it happens often at Pilates and the best thing to do is keep quiet so no one knows who did it
Sorry jings, I too have found the thread very funny and some days it's good to laugh at silly things

I knew an old Irishman who after a loud frat said ' Better than the sound of the doctor's car!

Lucky I must get that book for 3 yr old GS who loves to talk about bottoms, farts etc. nothing is more hilarious!

I do and it's just as bad . I went through a phase of living on Morningflake Oats because it had most of my daily requirements nutrition wise and was very cheap, and it put me off oats for life until I rediscovered Readybrek [likewise the brown rice diet that me and a friend did in our twenties; can't face brown rice now, either..unfortunately the Mars Bar diet [two a day and nothing else] didn't put me off chocolate..strange that ]....

Tegan try Readybrek. Still oats and nothing but, but often without the side/sound effects.

We have a wonderful book called "Noisy Bottoms" - it is one of those board books where you press pictures along the side and noises emerge. It is the story of a little bear walking through the woods and meeting various animals who fart - the little bear keeps saying he would never do that - and of course on the last page he does - spectacularly! The GC love this book!

Oh, oats are terrible. Which is a pity as they're so good for you and they give me enough energy for the whole day when I have them for breakfast. It's just that I then have to spend the whole day away from people.

The most hilarious time I have ever spent with my GCs was when the eldest had his first mobile phone. He spent the afternoon trying to perform a good fart to record and set as his ring tone. We were rolling on the floor with laughter. What is wrong with schoolchild humour, Jingl? Bet you don't enjoy 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' on Radio 4! I love it!

onnecker try eating smaller meals more frequently. And two foods that do not give wind are corn and white rice.

Cornflakes for brekkie before church? (never oats!)

I was once told that, due to cabin air pressure issues, farts didn't make a noise when in a plane. On a flight to London I thought I'd try it. Well its just not true! I had to spend the rest of the flight avoiding eye contact with nearby passengers!

Never eat anything from the brassica veg, or beans, or fizzy drinks Onneker, and they say wholemeal bread is better for the digestion.eggs are sulphurous too!