Mrs, Miss or Ms

The problem for white males, surely is that though there may be centuries of discrimination in their favour behind us, this generation never experienced it so it's hardly a case of them assuming they have it all their own way. Privilege, exploitation and equality are more complicated than 'our turn now'.

Very true Lilygran, and working class white males never experienced much power anyway. Historically speaking, the whole gender debate could never be divorced from the class debate.

If you revert to your maiden name when seperated but not divorced you are not Miss or Mrs so what should you call yourself other than Ms. ??

I'm fascinated by this discussion! I've been Miss, Mrs (twice!) and after my last divorce changed to Ms Maiden name. I'm very happy with this but not sure if I'd change back to a Mrs if I ever married again - hey, time yet, I'm only 62!! I often wonder if there's an element of 'protection' by using Mrs? Hey, back off guys, I'm married, I'm a Mrs. So why don't men change their title on marrying? It definitely dates back, as someone mentioned, to a time when men acquired a wife and all her worldly goods and any children took his surname to 'prove' he was their father. I regret giving my third son his father's surname - we separated when my son was 6 months old and father opted out not long after! My eldest son and DiL each exchanged surnames when they married. He is Son HerSurname-HisSurname and she is DiL HerSurname-HisSurname and GDaughter is E HerSurname-HisSurname! I wondered what happens if little one eventually meets someone else with a double-barrelled surname?! Crikey!

Always Ms.I don't see why my title should define whether or not I am married to anyone else,male or female,because it is not their business!
I am not a militant feminist and I don't suggest that others should use this title either.I respect anyone's decision to use whatever title they like and hope that they respect mine!

A strangely interesting discussion this. I generally give my name without a title and I've never been too worried about being Mrs or Ms, but do find easier to have Ms available when addressing someone and not to have to worry about whether or not they're married and upsetting them. We don't make that distinction for a man. These days it really isn't necessary and Mrs does seem a bit old fashioned and fuddy duddy somehow.

As for adopting my husband's surname, I'm more than happy with that. If I'd have had the nicer name we'd have gone with that. I don't like this double barrelled m'larky. It's going to lead to some rather long winded names in a couple of generations!

Double barrelled names are now illegal here (where I live in Switzerland) for that very reason. A couple can adopt either name, and give either name to children, but not double barrelled, as you say it gets ridiculous within a couple of generations.

How controlling

lol, how sensible ;)

I use my name double barrelled here, as I have adopted my Brit OH surname, but for so many reasons it is useful that people know what my maiden name was (as I was born and bred here). Very useful in this case ;)

However, here in our village, I am always known as 'Monsieur G's daughter'.

Happy to be Mrs. Hated my unpronounceable maiden name. Also Pa was a bit horrid so glad to no longer "belong" to him...

DD was Mr and Ms when they got married - now she is a Rev., not sure how the letters are addressed to the two. Mr. & Rev? They both changed their names when they got married to a blended name... Eugh

I am Mrs as I am Frau in Germany, All women over the age of 16 are Frau, fräulein is considered derogatory. it does make life simple. Both my daughters have kept their surnames. Their children can take either name but all children in one family must have the same surname, but not the parents.

Why should we have our marital status used as a title?
Neither of my dds have taken their husbands' names and why should they?
Let 's move away from the patriarchal heritage once and for all!

I think we should stick with free choice and not be told what to do by anyone.
We are all different and what is 'right' for one person isn't 'right' for another.

I like the idea of not having double barrelled names, granjura, it sounds a very sensible rule.

Marmark1, you said you did not see any insult in your post.
You wrote :
"Using your wife's surname maybe makes you a bit of a doormat?"
That is insulting to any man who does that and also, by implication, to his wife.
And :
"Radical Feminist.In my very humble opinion,mean women who feel inferior,especially to men."
That is an insulting opinion to hold.

Ginny sums it up well.

You might want to change to Ms if your marriage broke up and you had children and wanted to have the same surname as them. Also not sure I would want to be called Mrs if i wasn't married anymore.

I worked in the community health service, at 23 I was Mrs ( even addressed this way by elderly people) but by the time I retired at 64 everyone used my Christian name. What ever I was called it was always with respect so that is what counted.

As said, I like the way the 'Miss' had disappeared in most European countries and replaced by a Mrs for all. I am not personally bothered at all, and it has NOT stopped me in my tracks- but why should a man be able to send a job application which has not indication of his marital status, and same at interview- and not a woman? It is also terribly derogatory for some to be called 'Miss' when over, say 40- with all the value judgements made there too.

I don't like Ms either- so the Mrs for all would be much better, like 'Madame' or 'Frau'.

It's really only up to the individual what they wish their title to be. I'm a Mrs and happy to be so. What I really object to is being called by my Christian name by someone who doesn't know me from Adam and doesn't ask if they can. Often they use the proper version of my name, not the shorter version I'm usually known by. Equally annoying are people who shorten my name even more!!!

Do you know what,I'm one of those ancient beings,"normal "(well almost)Traditionalist.I have three sisters we all have grown up married kids,
So far we have not had any divorces,I have a large group of friends.Two very best friends,I've known for,one 40 years and one 25 years.We all meet up twice a week.So,I think I'll stay in my little world,we can't all be wrong.
Very best of luck to all you trend setters.Count me out,I'm very happy having lattes with my friends and playing with my granddaughter.No offence girls.

What a minefield it is, when some people feel they have the right to dictate how others should live. Be a Mrs, give up your name to become Mrs X and ensue none of your children carry your own family name into the future. A ban on double barrelled names and anyone married who doesn't toe the line, take their husbands name and become a Mrs is a "radical feminist" - I must be living in a parallel universe where it's ok to make your own choices.

I can't see what is wrong with Miss. Some of the most successful women have been Miss and proud of it.
I wouldn't use Master or Miss for children - I just use their names and so Miss is fine for adults.
It makes it sound as if it a better choice to be married!

I would be perfectly happy to be an over 60yr old Miss- sounds much better than Ms.

Hey,wait up,some of you people.
I'm just contributing my opinion.Because it differs from yours,that's fine,it's called democracy.
I'm not the one saying do as I say.And I'm very upset at the implication.
If that's the way you conduct your discussions,then yes you do have something to learn.
Please don't be so quick to judge me.

You have been very judgmental Marmark, so you can't act all offended now.

And just to open up another can of worms, a lot of women don't like to be addressed as 'girls' either

As I see it, many women resent the fact that their marital status is implicit in the way they are addressed. Fair enough, I suppose , as it had its roots in the status of a woman as a good, a chattel. Try calling someone Mademoiselle in France, or Fraulein in Germany, to upset EU relations...