DH is talking about retiring - shock horror!

I got early retirement aged only 53 - it was too good a scheme to miss and has never been repeated. However after six months at home not doing all the things I was going to do (!) I got another part time job which eventually became full time and had a further 6 years of less stressful and happy working life with earnings and a small pension to add to my original generous one.

I retired finally at 60, just after DH, who was 61. We then upped sticks and moved 200 miles south to be near our first two, new DGC and have had a brilliant time since, moving again even further south, in 2012. We live 1mile from the sea and 1 mile from DD and 2 DGC and life is pretty d...ed good!

I heartily recommend retired life but also think it is essential to go out and do things. You need to have a purpose in life and both DH and I have joined and participate in separate societies which interest us. Long may it continue. Life is good and much appreciated

We've been retired for nearly nine years now, and I can honestly say I love it- the freedom from the stress of work and commuting.

We do lead sort of parallel lives, doing our own things, but both "work" for /with Rotary International, which means we can volunteer to do as much, or as little, as we wish, locally, nationally or internationally. And at the moment we do a lot. But we do go out for the day often - we live in such a beautiful part of the country! And of course, there are 6 DGC, ranging from 19 to 5...

DH hates shopping with a vengeance, unless it's Halfords, B&Q or bicycle specialist. I do all the boring stuff (groceries etc) online, so can do pottering around type shopping, on my own or with DD.

Having got through several operations in the last year (thanks to everyone who put up with my whinging) we are off on a big holiday on Monday

I feel very, very lucky to still be here, and to be able to live this life. Gathering rosebuds while I may!

If you retired at 60 then there could reasonably be 30 years ahead. It is a big chunk of life to think it's last stage. Being proactive is common sense.

I so know what you mean- but there is nought we can really do about that, Im afraid- so might as well make the best of it and enjoy it. Willy nilly holidays really help. x

I know! I just think it has brought it home to me, that's all. I think that if I keep busy old age won't catch up with me

Anyway, I'm going to stop moaning as I've just been reading about loveless marriages and people with bad health. Neither of those apply to me/us so I will go away and count my blessings!!

None if us can go on forever, but we can try and enjoy it still.

Well that's pretty inevitable!

I am, perhaps naively, not concerned about spending more time with DH but I am concerned about the inevitable slowing down of our lives and I do love being busy.

I've mentioned before that the best part of my day is having a with DH, chatting about our days while I cook dinner.

But I think what bothers me the most is that it's the last stage of our lives.

We have both been retired for nearly 12 years, and rub along fairly well. We both volunteer in local charity shops, different ones, which we both enjoy, although DH is getting fed up with his, as there are too many in " his shop" The church is also good for things to do, coffee morning rotas, the AV on Sundays etc. As to the housework, it.now gets done, as and when, no routine. DH was born and bought up in India, with nannies, cooks etc, so never learned " to do". I was/ can be a bit of a control freak, what me and was home all the time from when I had children, only returning when DS2 was in his teens, so I didn't get him to help. He will, if asked, but never thinks to volunteer off his own bat, except mowing the grass, and ironing his shirts, which I got DH and DS2 to do when I returned to work, and did refused to iron a dozen shirts a week. I think now at 73 and 76 we are stuck in our ways, and perhaps I should have tried harder earlier. I do recognise the following round when shopping syndrome, as he doesn't even push the trolley, although these days I find it a help to hang onto it. I hope I don't appear fed up, I'm not, and he is very generous and kind to all and sundry. DMIL used to say, The housework will always be there, but you won't!!

Non-existent

What about the men who have retired and will do absolutely nothing to help in house or garden? I'm sorry to say that resentment leads to dislike in my case. Quite depressing.

Meant not ?? - d**n keyboard

Our situation is related but a bit different. I'm very recently retired, while DH has a few years at work yet. We both had jobs where working at home a day or two a week - sometimes more - was/is commonplace, and tried to choose different 'home' days to give each other space. Now I'm around pretty well full-time, he misses having the house to himself occasionally, while I have that luxury most weekdays ?? My plan is to go up to the city for a day once a week or so - public transport is cheap or free in a generous Scotland, even before state pension age - to visit exhibitions, or window shop, or meet friends for lunch. And to travel further from time to time for a night or so with more distant friends and family. But I don't know how these good intentions will work out in the dark days of January...

I love being retired - my life is my own - and where it isn't it is by my own choice.

OH has PD so we do not go in for lots of outings (I wish!) but he has many sedentary hobbies which he enjoys - music, computers, playing violin etc.

He is happy for me to pursue any outside interests that I have.

We share the home chores; and see lots of the GC. I have no complaints - apart from poor health.

Interesting comments. I'm almost 64 and DH 18 months younger and we're fortunately both in good health. We run our business from home and our youngest works with us (and still lives here - when he's not at his girlfriend's). There's little room for flexibility Mon - Fri and we have to do some work over the weekends. DH does more than me but I do all the shopping, cooking etc and we have a cleaner for a few hours per week.

I'd really like to start looking to reduce my hours but we'd have to find someone to come and work with us and that gets quite difficult when you're working from your own home. Whatever I did the business would be going on around me and I'd feel guilty not doing my bit. DH can't consider retiring yet, he's always on the go. We do leave DS alone when we go on holiday but try to never go for more than a week as it really does feel pressured to be alone dealing with the phone, orders etc.

I would like more time for GC, especially as DD and family will be living abroad so it feels important to make time to be with them. I'm so grateful that our business gives us a comfortable life and we're able to support our family, as it not easy for young couples these days and as I don't have much of a pension that's another reason to keep going for a bit longer.

I have always thought that one of the secrets of a happy marriage is if careers and interests run in parallel. Now I have retired and he hasn't so we have a difference. Money - I now have less than him I blank it out of my mind - I try to save money but if I want something not too expensive I get it. Its all in the same account anyway.
Time - he needs to work late - I sit on my own in the early evening nothing new there. In his job he's either working flat out or not working. He is freelance now and we have agreed that he will take 3 months off a year so we can travel - that's working well. I do the cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping, gardening, decorating etc + I have a number of interesting hobbies - I am therefore very busy. One key is to see retirement as a totally new chapter in life and one to enjoy and learn new things.
When we are both retired? I am sure we'll have lots of fun but like the rest of our marriage there will be pinch points we need to get over and work through. I am very grateful we are both fit and healthy so far and have a little money to play with+ lots of lovely friends and family to share with.

Before my DH took on the voluntary work, he used to drive me mad. If he heard a car door shut in the road, he would look at me and say 'who's that?' Every time I got up to do something he would say 'where are you going?' Aaargh.... Things have settled down now thankfully.

Just carry on with what you are doing. I think your husband will soon find new interests after all he has so far in his life so why should he change now.

My husband has just turned 75. His work has been his whole life and, apart from golf, which he gave up many year's ago, had no other hobbies. We found that he had cancer, and five week's ago, had an op to remove the tumour, which, apparently, has been completely successful.

He is now in the throws of selling his business, as he doen't feel, or want to carry on with it. He was only working half days before his illness, but now is home all the time recuperating from his illness.

I'm really concerned for the future, as I feel he will go downhill fast, unless he has some motivation for getting up in the morning. I have always done my own thing and have outside interests. We have a big house at the moment, but are talking about downsizing. I'm not at all sure that I want to do that.

Mu husband is not the most social of animals, and is so used to being in charge in his business that I know it's going to be difficult to change the habits of a lifetime.

DH retired 5 years ago and he has never been busier. He took over the cooking and ironing and does all the bending work and hoovering. I was dreading having him under my feet all day but it has been fine, we altered the house so that we had spare rooms to escape to and don't have to sit on top of each other. DH's health improved, he used to have a dreadful wheeze, we now think it was caused by office air con and long hours driving car. Three weeks after retirement the wheeze disappeared and he seemed to have more energy.
I thought we would spend most of our time planning and taking holidays but hadn't reckoned on GC taking over our lives.

My very DH has no real hobbies but seems to find odd jobs to do around the house. He's not bothered about going out on his own but likes to come shopping with me, which can be a bit of a pain. We see friends and we both play badminton regularly and go on holiday and trips and see family. To be honest, I'm making the most of his company because we still love each other and I dread the day when I may be on my own. I don't see much point in worrying about getting old as there is nothing we can do about it. Just eat a healthy diet, take exercise and be as happy as possible, is my philosophy.

I can understand your concerns Kitty. To be honest I am very relieved that DH works for DS part time so that I can take the opportunity to go out and about. I like my freedom and would hate to give it up.

This may be stereotyping but from my experience some men are just happy to potter round at home and don't have the same need as some women who like to go window shopping, or out for a coffee.

DH says there is always so much to do at home he doesn't have time to go out like I do. So be it.

IMO the most important thing to do before hubby retires is to jointly come to an agreement that as well as going out together you have plenty of independent time.

Retired, together all day and blissfully happy. Do lots together and have our own interests. We try and get out once a week for a trip somewhere but are quite happy being together at home. I guess it depends on what you like doing as to whether you can spend time together without getting tetchy.

Willy nilly holidays and days out together are the good parts! I am training myself that it is OK to do the jobs/ tasks/ activities that I currently do when on my own even when DH at home! Fortunately we have several retired friends and we can & do get up to loads of mischief with them

It is more about my DH having something to do to feel useful and purposeful still. I think it is that lack of purpose, after a long career, that can sometimes cause depression rather than just filling time with activities.

I retired first and was peeved when DH retired. He didn't want to retire but was made redundant at the age of 65 so that was that. I thought it would be difficult but it wasn't. However, he got a voluntary job as a tour guide with the National Trust and (after having had cancer himself) now acts as a volunteer driving cancer patients to and from appointments. He has also been most useful taking me to and from lunches with friends