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i went ti visit my mum today and she almost fell out of her chair.......

(16 Posts)
kittylester Thu 15-Oct-15 18:58:45

because she tried to hit me and I moved! She had already sent one of my brothers off with a flea in his ear for being rude! sad

Alea Thu 15-Oct-15 19:02:36

Good reflexes to move first kittylester, but really sad for you to be going through this flowers

Lona Thu 15-Oct-15 19:13:19

Oh kitty flowers Is your mum often violent or is it a recent thing?
It's so difficult to deal with, I'm so sorry. Is she like it with the staff too?

hildajenniJ Thu 15-Oct-15 19:46:36

Oh dear kitty. I know what that's like. I worked as a Dementia Nurse for the latter part of my career. You sometimes need quick reflexes. I still carry the scars from the times when I wasn't. Hopefully it was a one off incident. Try not to take it personally. It's the dementia, not your mum. flowers

rosequartz Thu 15-Oct-15 19:54:46

Oh dear. Our very ladylike aunt became somewhat violent and was moved to a nursing home. When I talked to the staff there, they were astonished to be told that she had been 'quite a lady' when she was younger and very charming and 'proper'.
So sad when a personality disappears behind this illness.


grannylyn65 Thu 15-Oct-15 19:57:45

Yes Kitty, Hilda is spot on, worked within Dementia care over 20 years, have counselled many many relatives that it isn't personal, but they still hurt.

jogginggirl Thu 15-Oct-15 20:29:47

kitty sadflowers

Luckygirl Thu 15-Oct-15 20:37:34

How hard it is for you. I too worked on a dementia unit and have every sympathy with your situation. flowers

kittylester Fri 16-Oct-15 09:40:02

Mum had to leave the first home she was in because she became violent and was put on Memantine (sp?) which worked (was working?) in controlling her mood.

I didn't enjoy yesterday as she was horrid to the lovely staff and, while I know they can cope with it, I find it mortifying and keep apologising for her!

She also asked me if my husband had left me yet. I said that he hadn't but did she know something I didn't? She just said 'Well, I wouldn't tell you if I did!' and smirked. Whilst I'm fairly sure that DH isn't going any where, it took me back to the horrid things she used to say when I was younger.

The staff there are really good at giving relatives a big hug as they are leaving!! sad

Alea Fri 16-Oct-15 09:44:56

You deserved that hug, also flowers and a brew with just a tiny cupcake Kittylester, she still has the ability to hurt because she is your mother, but it is the dementia speaking.

Teetime Fri 16-Oct-15 10:07:44

kitty what a bad experience for you but I know your sense of humour will help you bounce back from this and you its the dementia talking don't you. Looking forward to seeing you at MH next week- big laughs then. wine

spyder08 Fri 16-Oct-15 10:25:18

I worked in and later became Matron of a nursing home towards the end of my nursing career. It is a very challenging job when dealing with violent dementia patients but is also very rewarding.
In line with previous posts I would say it is not the patient but the dementia often changing peoples personality beyond recognition.....many relatives said it was like losing a relative twice...once to the dementia and again at the end of their life. Very sad but I think I was very lucky to have shared this journey with both patients and their relatives. Very rewarding

kittylester Fri 16-Oct-15 10:34:43

Teetime, thank you but I'm hoping MH is not next week or I'm double booked! grin

You are all very kind. I think I really wanted a little dotty old lady who WAS unlike my mum of old!! grin

Nelliemoser Fri 16-Oct-15 22:10:59

Oh! Kitty have another one. (((hugs)))

Galen Fri 16-Oct-15 22:35:15


harrigran Fri 16-Oct-15 23:21:02

Oh dear kitty sad
My Dad's cousin was the most refined, polite and gentle person I ever met but when the dementia took hold she used to resort to some fruity language. She was expelled from one home and on a final warning for another.