Torn over Granddaughter

Give her time to respond.

At 21 she’s an adult and could quite easily visit you, if you are in the same country.

It’s understandable for you to feel a bit disgruntled about no contact.

I suppose it depends what your relationship is like with her , given that you are estranged from her father....

She should have said 'thank you' if she's prepared to accept the gift.

And what he has told her. About you.
And told her what to do and say, and what to not do and say.

And how often in the past she has already said thank you.[though saying it every time is not out an out of the way thing to do.].

She's 21 fancythat; old enough to think and speak for herself especially as her 15 year old brother seems to be able too.

Does she actually have access to the money or is it still basically in your control?

If you are giving in order to get 'thank you' messages then maybe stop doing so if it's a 'bother'?

If you just want your granddaughter to benefit from your generosity, then carry on, and if the relationship with your son is ever repaired she will know you were always there for her.

She must be in a difficult position, and we can't possibly know what has happened between the various parties, so it's impossible to advise.

She hasn't actually got the money, we have two accounts that we put money into each birthday and Christmas ( she isn't desperate for it - her parents are taking her to New York as one of her gifts, I've never been able to compete with the presents they both receive) I have always sent Easter gifts to their house for them both which, again, she has never thanked us for but her brother has but they have moved house at the beginning of this year and we don't have their address.

No matter what she's been told about you , it's only good manners to thank you for a gift

Elless

She hasn't actually got the money, we have two accounts that we put money into each birthday and Christmas ( she isn't desperate for it - her parents are taking her to New York as one of her gifts, I've never been able to compete with the presents they both receive) I have always sent Easter gifts to their house for them both which, again, she has never thanked us for but her brother has but they have moved house at the beginning of this year and we don't have their address.

How to you now make contact? WhatsApp?

Why have you not given her the money? She is now 21.

Do you not actually have proper contact with them?

What a horrible situation.

I agree pably.

If shes 21 isn't that an appropriate time to be giving her whatever you have put aside for her.

I can see why you would put it aside whilst her parents were in control but shes been an adult for three years now.

Maybe she’s not convinced the about the promise of money rather than the reality?

That's a good point Lathyrus and if her lack of gratitude really is an issue, when passing the money onto her you could also say you're doing so because now she's 21 you wont be putting in any more.