Something unspoken?

I rarely phone my two sons because they and their wives work, sometimes till late and I don't want to interrupt the free time that they have. They usually phone once a week when we have a long chat. Anything urgent or important, of course we phone but our contact is mainly by text messages, which sounds cold, but in fact is usually odd little things that have amused or interested us - almost like everyday conversation! Somedays there are a lot passing to and fro: other days very little - and I feel part of their lives, but not intrusive.

I don't think hugging and kissing was considered very British (stiff upper lip etc), my mum always had a fear of us catching something if all and sundry kissed us, I did wonder if growing up in the pre antibiotic era made them more cautious! I do hug and kiss the family but smalls on top of the head, obviously a hangover from Dom.

My mother told me from a very early age that I was never wanted I was a mistake and then when I got older she then told me she wanted me aborted but the doctor wouldn't do it as she was 5mths gone when she found out she was pregnant, consequently I have very little feelings for my "mother" yes she looked after me fed and clothed me and made sure I had everything I needed except one thing love but it effected how I interacted with my children I have tried to be loving but find it incredibly hard I think they know that I would give my life for them and my grandchildren too. My mother is dead now and I don't miss her at all I miss my father and talk about him a lot and I try to be a good DIL to my husbands mum and treat her with the respect she deserves ( a little hard sometimes) I think what I'm trying to say is you learn off your parents so perhaps we should try harder they were a different generation and life has changed.
Anyway I hope everyone has a HAPPY NEW YEAR live love and enjoy xx

Yep Harrigran, that just about sums it up for me too. And I learnt not to be ill, or if I was not to show it in case I invoked the "pull yourself together girl".

Sorry boggles. Sounds like you need a hug

No hugs or kissing in our house, affection was not being smacked that day.

Indinana Yes it is sad to lose a parent so young. Sadder for my youngest sister who was only 14 when our mum died. She says she was always known at school as 'the one whose mum died'. Unfortunately our dad was a violent alcoholic so he was of no use. I do appreciate that some people lose their parents even earlier. Some sad posts on here

As a child I wasn't given many hugs and never I love you although in the last month's of my parents life I made a point of always kissing them goodbye whenever I left them and I think we both appreciated this gesture .With my own children who are now adults we hug often when saying goodbye but I must admit hugs from work colleagues and friends still leave me a little tense.

I always hugged and kissed my children and told them how much I loved them also I fostered many young ones and they also had lots of hugs and so it went on to my grandchildren but after my husband died and 4 years later I remarried although my children except it to a degree most of my grandchildren hate me (they are all married) because they feel I have betrayed their grandfather 2 wont even talk to me yes I did feel very unhappy but now although it still hurts I think that one day they will regret their action I have been married now for 7 years and very happy so I get on with my life and let them get on with theirs sad but that is the way it is I have never seen 5 of my great grandchildren that hurts but at least they let me send them Christmas and birthday presents so maybe one day they will tell them about me.

DianneAngel. I know exactly what you mean.

As a child I was never told "I love you or hugged, my parents were not ones to give any type of affection, I was a fairly young Mum and it never occurred to me that as my 2 DC got older I was repeating the same pattern. It is only now where public displays of affection are so common that I realise that I should have broken the mold. They both know how much I love them but are uncomfortable if I hug them or give them a kiss on rare occasions.
My DS is perhaps a little easier with hugs but I'm saddened to say DD finds it harder.
I make a point of hugging and kissing the DGC often.

Anita53 - that's lovely, you've got me in tears.

Maybe we appreciate/need the hugs and kisses now precisely because we didn't get them as adolescents. My parents stopped telling me that they loved me when I started grammar school. Like a lot of us we were supposed to know that we were loved by inferrance. Maybe if it was spoken of more while we were growing up we wouldn't be so "needy" now.

Sorry if that's a bit muddled. I know what I mean but can't find the right words. hugs

a hug and a kiss means more then words

I love a hug too. My DDs, DGSs and DSiLs always hug and kiss me to say hello and goodbye. I also always say love you lots. It's just the way of our family and I wouldn't have it any other way

I don't do air kisses or much kissing, except with my DH and Mum. I am a big hugger though and so glad that expressing my love for someone in a hug is now part of my life. I know I was loved as a child, but I don't remember much physical contact - unless I had fallen over or something.

In our family, hugging started after we all went our separate ways as adults and now live in different parts of the country. My hugs on seeing any member of my small family are heart felt and I know the hugs are heart felt. My Mum and I hug a lot because we're very close, yet live far apart and want to make the most of any time together.

I don't care why 'social' hugging and kissing is part of our culture these days, I'm just happy about it.

Here's to many more hugs in 2016.

My mum lived abroad. We always kissed and hugged when we saw each other and when we parted. One year as I was in the taxi about to leave for the airport to come back to the UK, and having already hugged and said our goodbyes, I got an overwhelming need for another hug so I got out of the taxi, went back, gave her a really big hug and kiss and told her I loved her. She was a bit surprised but gave me a big hug and kiss back and said she loved me too - not something we usually did. The next time I saw her she was in her coffin. I am so glad I went back for that last cuddle and kiss and that I told her I loved her.

My Scottish parents (46 and 29 when I was born) were not demonstrative, but my mum apparently told my godmother that I wasn't a demonstrative child; on the contrary, I hugged her lots. Obviously I didn't feel comfortable showing affection to my parents. These days I am a spontaneous "hugger" - if I feel someone needs a nice warm comforting friendly hug, I'll give it; if I sense that it would be felt "wrong", no way! As a Wiccan I generally sign off to others as "Love & Peace", or similar, knowing that it will not be misunderstood, but is more an expression of wishes sent to the other person. So, Love, peace and blessed be, my friends.

Our two sons were brought up exactly the same but one is a great hugger whilst the other isn't but more recently I have made more of a point of hugging him. Our grandson is a hugger but his sister not so much. I have friends who hug and those who don't and respect their feelings. But many years ago at a low point in my life I remember seeing a friend who gave me a big hug and I remember how much it helped me. I needed physical comfort at that point in my life so I never underestimate the importance of hugging. But, I can't get into continental kissing. That does seem affected to me.

Hard to be sure. I don't remember it in the 70s. It seemed to come in around the 80s. Something to do with yuppies? Maybe creeping Americanisation? One of the posters commented on our increased neediness to be told we're loved etc where previously we didn't need such overt assurance. Interesting to consider possibilities.

Jane10, when/how do you reckon it all started?

I do give my daughter a hug quite often but I don't remember getting many from my mum when I was older.

confides in me, not my

I love hugging my DC and DGC. I love them so am more than happy to show it by giving them a hug and a kiss - and love getting them in return. My 6 mth old DGD has recently learnt how to kiss. Well, her version of a kiss, that is: she puts her little arms tightly round my neck and presses her face against mine as hard as she can, with her mouth open, making a loud 'mmmm' noise .
I don't like social kissing and hugging, though, not just for the sake of it. If a close friend confides in my about something that's upset or worried her, then she'll get a supportive hug from me. But these mwah mwah air-kissy types get on my nerves I'm afraid.
KatyK I felt so sad reading your post. I can empathise because I too lost my father when he was 58 and I was 23. I have often upset myself thinking about him and how I didn't really show him how much I loved and appreciated all that he did for me. We were young, weren't we? We probably thought we had years and years left with our dads. Or more likely, we never gave it a single thought ......and then they were gone

I had several sets of foster parents and my own mother, none of whom hugged or kissed me.
The last foster parent I had, at 16, did and showed me how to spontaneously express love and affection to others.
My family all hug and kiss and I delight that my youngest GSs demand 'eskimo kisses' from me.
When my dog had to take a final visit to the vets earlier this year my larger GSs, both over six foot just surrounded me in a hug.