I'd love to apply as I've 45 years experience in both real and fake trees, am very good at sorting all the baubles into colours, glass and plastic and putting all the hangings into one place. I can pack the glass ones in tissue and box accordingly and sort cards into neat piles and hoover all the mess up afterwards. Unfortunately I can only do this whilst asleep - is that permissible for this vacancy? If not I'll stick to my real world job 
Happy New Year!
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Start date, no later than 6th January 2016. Must be patient, tidy and organised. Duties to include; removing round, or star shaped ornaments and approximately 500 twinkly lights from dead woodland trees, without making a mess .Must also be able to withstand sharp needles in the forearms. Squeeze aforementioned trees through space far narrower than object. Remove various glittery, gold or silver nicknacks that litter every surface of the home. Pack away all of the above in the boxes that seem to have shrank since the 10th December and try and fit into the shed which has also shrank. Next I require you to take down folded up pieces of card, of which 95% have a picture of a robin on. These you will then read and realise you haven't seen the people these are from since you wore loons and Slade was the Christmas number one, the first time round. Then you will sort them into nice, naff and "personal". The nice you will save to make gift tags with for next Christmas (whatever!) the naff you will put aside to take to Boots to recycle but in reality will be thrown in the bin on 21st May. The personal you will take up to the bedroom to store in the 'special' drawer which is already overflowing so will just lay them on the dressing table, where they will stay for 6 months. I would also require you to call in once a week until March to vacuum up the pine needles which have bred and are now in every room. Very good terms and conditions, (I'm lying). Any takers? 
Never mind, Charleygirl, I'm sure you'll be kept busy by all the other GNetters queueing up for your services!
Elaineg 
anno I have applied for the job, I do not expect any competition!
Charleygirl when you have finished there, can you pop over to my house please and do mine
Tara is welcome to come and stay
Sorry, not applying. I had to move to get away from the pine needles that seemed to proliferate in my carpets, so would probably have a breakdown if I had to hoover yours up.
Can i offer my DH? He is the one who does decorations and taking down every year - mostly because I refuse to do it; i'm up to my ears in turkey and sausage meat, so why should I??? Perhaps not, he can be very grumpy!
I don't want the job either so please refer any surplus applicants my way!
Perhaps if we all had a "get down the decorations buddy" we would find it far more interesting to do someone else's rather than our own.
Chez moi there are always some tree ornament hangers left behind on the floor or in a corner whe you have returned all the other stuff to the loft.
Good luck merlot with the move, my sympathies are with you, it is a stressful task, I'm still needing paint on a couple of walls. Let us know how it all goes. 
With regard to the vacancy, I can do it if I can sleep inbetween tasks, take copious amount of cups of tea, put my feet up (to prevent swelling) and have medications on hand. Hence my tree this year is 18" high with battery lights and tiny craft glitter pom poms. Along with some window stickers, that was the sum of my decorations! I will put the tree, as it is, in my suitcase for next year and then I won't have the very hard laborious task of decorating it again!
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