Do you always say exactly what you think?

I am perfectly capable of doing my own cleaning, but once a fortnight I pay someone else to do it, because I can, and that's what I choose to do. Does this person cut their own hair? Probably not, but she could ......
You say you hardly know this person, I wouldn't bother getting to know her better if that's the sort of comment she comes out with.

She is obviously jealous of you being able to afford a cleaner, whereas she probably can't. I would love one, housework is not my favourite hobby. As for speaking my mind to someone. No, I wouldn't be hurtful or tactless.

kitty - that was just rude. I'd have been offended.

I'm one of those people who can't stand a scene or falling out with people or hurting anyone, consequently everyone gets their own way but me. I really should speak my mind more often.

No, it is socially inept.
I take the kind option, or go by 'if you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all'.

No I dont'- with such a varied family and friends, from all walks of life and backgrounds- it would be a recipe for unpleasantless- just not worth it. I live in a rural area where many people have very tradtional outlook on life- so I do a lot of nodding and smiling.

Kitty, no cleaner here, although my neighbour and great friend helpsme regularly with big jobs, like windows and some decorating- working together is so much fun, music and a good chinwag.

She has just given up one of her cleaning jobs, and it will coincide with my knee op- so will start doing 1 morning a week - good timing.

My last cleaner in the UK was a wonderful French lady- we became the best of friends and still are, even though I've moved abroad. She will visit with several friends this Summer.

No, I don't always say what I think! Fortunately!

Kitty if that person was truly your friend she would know why you pay someone to do your cleaning, she sounds more like a 'habit' than a friend to me!
And in this instance I think a "Miaow" would have been appropriate!

On the whole I think the thrice sieved rule is really good but on occasions it might take too long.

I knew someone who prided herself on her forthrightness. I never had the courage to point out that it she was often very rude, and gave unsolicited opinions, almost always negative ones. Sorry for your nasty experience, Kitty, it was rude and none of her business.

DS1, a devoted socialist, has recently moved to Viet Nam. He was told that he would have a servant to clean his apartment. He was horrified - until I gently pointed out that perhaps this servant needed the money, would lose face if "his/her" family didn't need them and that he would probalby be keeping that family in food/clothing/education. He changed his mind!

So your excuse Kitty is that your friend needs the money and it is helping you...

I have also noticed, and been told, that some "older" people give themselves permission to be as candid as they wish just because they can! Their age, according to them, gives them permission. I am horrified as a dedicated FIM person [Foot In Mouth - always unintentional] that people are rude on purpose.

I think it was most rude , cheeky b**

Kitty, what an ignorant person she sounds! You may have disabilities which prevent you doing your own housework; you may have so many other commitments that you can't do it. And has she ever stopped to think that the person who does your housework might need the money you pay her. My father was a pharmacist and optician, my mum ran the shop and they worked 365 days a year; even on bank holidays and Sundays they had to work for an hour for urgent prescriptions, and even in the lunch hour they had to keep the shop open (closed the door so the bell would warn them of customers). Admittedly they were not particularly domesticated (that's my excuse . . . never shown how to do housework!), but they had no time to clean or do other housework, so they had a daily "treasure", who did an amazing job and really appreciated the money. So don't feel guilty!

Was anyone else taught to use the "3 sieves"- (Is it true ? Is it kind? Is it necessary? )- before speaking? I often wish this applied to internet forums too, though it would definitely mean fewer posts on Facebook !

I haven't read everyone's replies so forgive me if I'm repeating something that's already been said. It's a shame when people feel free to be rude. Good manners and consideration oil the wheels of society but if someone begins to be rude, hurtful or foul mouthed regularly and it's therefore out of character, it can be an early sign of dementia. It happened to my mother. She began using swear words and making personal remarks long before any other symptoms showed up. We didn't understand that at the time.

You just should have said "no, I can't" and don't bother explaining why.

No; I'm mortified if I feel I've said something that has hurt or embarrassed someone. I can't even watch tv programmes where people are put on the spot or are in embarrassing situations, even if they're meant to be funny [Alan Partridge/ The Office etc].Think it stems from being painfully shy as a child; I spent most of those years blushing . I'm sure there are times when it's best to answer something truthfully but it's better to err on the side of caution.

I started having a cleaner when I had a hip replaced a few years ago, just to look after the vaccing and floor mopping. I still have her come & were now very good friends.

I cant see anything wrong with having help around the house if working full time or, as applies to me, ill health or just anno domini.
It does give folk a job and reduces the stress on the receiver !

Off topic, I know, I like doing my own cleaning, and other peoples.

Most of the people who think they are being 'honest' and 'speaking as they find' would be horrified if others were as blunt to them. I have a close relative who pushes her religious, political and dietary opinions on others unasked thinking she is doing them all a favour but who would be offended if she were 'called' on any view. She thinks she is right and that others do not disagree because they know she's right too. They don't say anything because they are too polite to disagree!

I often open my mouth and put my foot straight in at. One of my friends was appalled when I commented on the cause of the illness of a mutual acquaintance, but my finest hour was suggesting that a friend who goes extremely brown at the slightest hint of sun, had 'a touch of a tar brush'. Politically incorrect or what?? I do still have some friends.

My lovely cleaner 'does' for lots of people in the village. She held quite a responsible position locally bu then circumstances caused so much stress she had to leave. She enjoys cleaning (though her own house is a tip!) and keeping busy.

I count her as one of my friends. She often drops in for a chat if something is bothering her. As the outspoken one should know! She wasn't joking!

As a young person I always said what I thought & it got me in alot of trouble. I'm a young grandma (43) & have learned to kerb my tongue. My mum on the other hand was always meek but in recent years has lost the ability to keep her thoughts to herself much to my embarrassment! I have been wondering if she has dementia (not just because of this)

I prefer to do other people's rather than my own. Much more rewarding. They appreciate it. I do love mopping a tiled floor though.

As I've got older I must admit I do say what I mean a lot more but on the whole I always think it but don't say it as you say this lady has a heart of gold as many who are outspoken do and at least you always know where you stand with them and usually if we are offended it means they might of hit a nerve and give us cause for thought.

I used to have a yoga teacher who told is "whatever you say you are making a statement about yourself as much as about what you think you are talking about" - food for thought

How lovely not to have to do your own cleaning. How unfortunate to have to do not only your own but other people's as well.

Where are the men in all of this?

Saying what you think is just an excuse for being rude in my humble opinion ! The woman who said `can`t you do your own cleaning` is possibly jealous but I wouldn`t want someone to do my cleaning . I would have to clean up first before they came lol !