Thoughtful Posting

There are plenty of non-controversial threads people can post on without fear of someone arguing with them. I'd say most threads are like that and only a minority contain robustness of opinion. So I don't really understand what the complaint about feeling aggrieved and just lurking. Not that there's anything wrong with lurking if that's what you prefer.

imperfect, posts by you that I have read are neither offensive nor offending so I think you are mistaken to characterise yourself in that way.

Imperfect27. Do you "know" any of the posters that have pmed you about this subject?

I could start a thread that would be deleted. Evil

The thought of all these PMs flying backwards and forwards is downright scary!

My this thread is growing quickly!

I started GN a few years ago but gave up as it was becoming increasingly bitchy which became very predictable.
At present the tone isn't as bad, with a few exceptions.

I think a ding dong is probably to be expected when discussing politics but not appropriate if someone is genuinely worried or upset about a personal issue. It can't be easy to open up to a whole forum, not something I could do. So they deserve to be treated with some respect in my opinion.

POGS you make a good point - sorry, I probably should have resisted my wind up comment to jings, but felt the need to show I am not going to be put down by her 'robust banter'. Thank you for calling us back to the original line of debate.

As the most 'offending' - or perhaps offensive - newbie, what prompted me to start this thread is the amount of emails I received from others who are indeed 'lurking' and / or aggrieved. Some of them have been on the sidelines for a long time and would appear as new posters if they felt they were not going to be met with rudeness. So, there are many people who are not contributing to this 'vibrant' community who would bring warmth, eloquence and wit to it, but have either posted once or twice and been 'burned' or are simply too dismayed by what they see to take the risk. I am troubled by that and I would have hoped that when other people realise that is the case they would want to respond with kindness, not defensiveness or aggression.

Further - to suggest I have to 'earn' a right to give my point of view on a public forum is ridiculous.

Yes, it was a general comment. Aggressive pacifists are an oxymoron.

If anyone makes a polite comment which is greeted with an attack, then the best response is to post "Don't jump down my throat for expressing an opinion!" or something similar, and then ignore it. Don't leave the forum because of it - it is just one person's reaction and may be because of a misunderstanding, or how they got out of bed the wrong side.

If it is a personal attack rather than an over-strong argument, and if it continues, then report it to GNHQ, using the "report " button above the post. They will look at the post and its context and take appropriate action. It may be deleted, and in extreme cases the poster may be suspended for a while or completely banned. It may not, of course. GNHQ don't interfere unless they feel that the guidelines have been broken, or the poster has been gratuitously insulting

'Likely to have'. .

HTH.

Marmight here is a clue. He is likely to have big ones.

Was thinking the same thing, pogs, though admittedly I didn't read very far into the thread before posting my tuppenceworth. Chuckle.

If I know elegran, which I do, it'll be a general comment, nonnie

'. To see ourselves as other's see us '

Having read through can I say at this early stage of the thread perhaps a reasonable point is being lost because some posters who are purporting to want to see a more sensitive, less sarcastic aggressive way of posting are ironically posting in a manner which emulates those they are chastising. I have no problem with that but it is showing irony at play again.

Elegran "In Real Life, when joining any group, one waits to suss out the dynamic before making too many assumptions, and sticks to bland topics for a short while. Telling them that they are doing it all wrong is not the best introduction - unless one wants to be one of the confrontational ones from the start. In that case, pots and kettles come to mind."

I have read this three times and am not sure if it it a pointed post at the OP or a generalised comment. Many newbies state they have been watching for some time before venturing to post so have not come straight in "Telling them that they are doing it all wrong" so it would be wrong to suggest they want to be "one of the confrontational ones from the start". I remember when I joined there were some very bullying controversial posts and I made a less well put comment and was shot down in flames with comments such as 'if you can't stand the heat..........................

When " "In Real Life" one joins a group, waits before expressing an opinion, and then politely gives their opinion and is attacked for so doing one is either likely to leave the group or fight back. Either way it is an uncomfortable place to be.

I am not criticising you "Elegran" just explaining how it can be confusing sometimes and taken personally when that was not the intention.

A pair of what?

I've only skim read this thread but wanted to have my say before jingl's prediction comes true.

I agree with Merlot. Would those of you who don't like the way the site has evolved under those of us who have been here a while , walk into your local WI (or whatever) and complain that you didn't like the way they ran things?

We are what we are - a kind, supportive, loyal, funny, argumentative, opinionated bunch of (mostly!) grandparents who say what we think. Just like in real life! We welcome newcomers who are prepared to join in with how things are and do not complain when they don't get the answers they want.

We don't like being patronised either!

Not me, but then I'm never confrontational anyway! ??

It would be interesting to know how many of the more confrontational members have come from Mumsnet.

Yes, I would say the same things to people's faces in a debating scenario.

Quite a few gransnetters know who I am so I'm not completely anonymous. My husband knows who I am on GN too. Any embarassment on here is my own fault so if necessary I apologise and then move on, as I would in "real" life.

No, I wouldn't mind my views being repeated in public. (They already are in public, btw; Gransnet is a public forum).

Oo I was told to grow a pair as well.

I came up from Mumsnet. Proud

"Well this has filled a dull morning."

!!!! This is the time my morning starts!

To my mind, as people eventually come over from mumsnet, the site will be like that one, which will make this one and thread look very tame.

Who called me "my dear"?! I didn't notice that!

#shootemdowninflames

I'm new to GN too, but although a few comments have wound me up I've never felt the need to PM anyone or to get on my high horse.

The concept of GN is far bigger than any one or two individuals who like to have their say in an unpleasant way. Maybe they are a bit too full of their own important, but that's what it's like in any club or society. I guess the times we become over sensitive are related to unkind comments regarding things we hold dear to us - like our children/grandchildren etc. I stupidly got upset when I posted a photo because I thought people were saying my docile puppy was ferocious and would eat my grandchild for lunch. I later realised all they were trying to point out was that they would never leave a child alone with a dog .... of course the baby couldn't have been alone if I were taking the photo from two feet away, so I should have just laughed off the "horrified" comments.

The written word IS powerful, but I am happy to discuss, and even argue, providing things don't get personal.