Difficult discussion and I have to be the one to do it.

No but I agree it has to be done.
If she wants to see her GGC she will have to do it,everyone has to make sacrifices at times and I would not have anyone smoking near my child whether it is her home or not.

I'm afraid I agree. If she wants you to visit and she wants to see the baby she has to do without a smoke while you are there or go outside.

I'm really surprised that anyone would seriously consider smoking around a baby nowadays. Yes you need to have that conversation with DM and as annsixty says she either agrees or stays home.

She must be asked not to smoke, it may not have harmed her children but it has abd dies harm children, explain it increases the risk of cot death, good luck

Will it be a long visit? I'm thinking her home will be pretty smelly even if no-one smokes at the time.

Could it be phrased as helping the young parents to keep off smoking, to not smoke around them and their baby?

As soon as our first dgc was on the way my dh was under instruction by me to smoke in the garage and he did so happily, that was 9 years ago.

On one occasion we travelled long haul to visit a new dgc. DH is step father/step grandfather but we all get on so well and 'step' never really is a consideration. It was confirmed beforehand that dh only smokes outdoors. I was asked to ask dh to hang a shirt at the back door and wear it when out smoking and change back out of it when returning indoors.

A bit extreme!!

I'll do it for you willingly. Can't stand cantankerous old people

I too would be very happy to do it for you. "DD cannot visit unless you agree not to smoke while the baby is in the house." End of. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't get to see the baby. I would not even be happy about the baby being in a smoke-ridden atmosphere from years of smoking and wouldn't take the babe anyway.

My father was a chain smoker - and died of lung cancer at 72. I asked him not to smoke around my children and he never did. He would go into the garden if it was a long visit.

I think you know that it is entirely reasonable and right for your M to be asked not to smoke near a little child and I do hope she will make the right decision not to without a lot of fuss. I remember how anxious I was about asking my father, but I knew I had to.

I have never smoked. My ex-H had severe asthma as a child and was sent away to boarding school as a consequence. However, his parents still smoked around him when he returned home - they never seemed to put 2 and 2 together! They had to repaint all their skirtings every year because they were so yellow from the cigarette tar. Both of us grew up loathing smoking - me because my father must have spent a fortune on his 'fags' and we were a very hard up family!

As for the shirt ... well I do understand. If you don't smoke at all and are not around others who regularly do, the smell is really noticeable on people's clothes and hair and lingers long after. It really is not nice. Having that extra layer to take on/off will hopefully mean that the clothes underneath are preserved from absorbing the smell and the toxins.

I agree - respect the wishes of the new mother. Don't be afraid to broach the subject with your mother. Apart from anything else, cigarette smoke hangs around a room for ages.
Although I used to be a heavy smoker, I would never smoke in a room with non-smokers. Though our poor children must have suffered at times - we weren't so aware of the dangers then. I did smoke when I was pregnant

Coolgran that is a tip passed on by a midwife to a smoker who had a new DGC - keep an old coat in the porch to wear when smoking outside, leave it in the porch then the smell will not cling to your clothes when you come back in.

Don't be afraid of saying something - the new baby's health is paramount.

petra

How long is the visit going to be for? If it's just the Sunday perhaps you could all go out for a prolonged meal. She can't smoke then. If it is a whole weekend visit, I am thinking head out of window, or the garden shed. A confirmed smoker might not be able to go for too long without a ciggie.

petra!

As with imperfect , my Dad died of lung cancer at the age of 69, too young and missed many happy years with his GSs.

I am more than happy to tell someone not to smoke in my house or near my grandchildren.

x

The chemicals from smoking will still be in the smoker's home so I wouldn't even want to take my new baby into the house. Assuming your mother isn't housebound, could you meet somewhere public, such as a restaurant, which would avoid the issue altogether?

Dh and I have never smoked, though my parents did. My mother gave up after one of my young boys told her she smelled horrid. but it worked.

Open all the windows when they get there? Place probably needs an airing.

But if mum's not willing to stop smoking in the house she's not likely to allow visitors to throw open all her windows as soon as they arrive...

I'll do it for you mamma I'd also be worried about the lingering smell inside the house from maybe years of smoking however spotlessly clean your mum is the atmosphere is going to be smelling of lingering smoke even down to the cushions on the furniture so a definate no no from me,can you not meet up at a non smokers home for the visit or is that to complicated I would just remind your DM that when you where young the dangers associated with smoking where not taken as seriously as they should have been and surely she wouldn't want baby to suffer in any way,I'm sure she will understand.

I'm not sure she will understand, knowing how smokers can be.

How does your DM know that her smoking had no effect on her children? Just because (presumably) no-one in the family got lung cancer does not mean that as her children get older they may not develop all kind of health conditions that have their roots in her smoking.

I would be unhappy to take such a young baby into the house of a heavy smoker, whether they smoked around the baby or not. I would support the idea put forward by OPs, that you have a meal out somewhere convenient.

Grannylyn Imperfect27 Jalima thanks for your comments.
I also thought it was a bit extreme about the shirt but it had to be said and I got an 'eye roll'. However dh did pull on the 'back door shirt' for the first couple of garden visits and then it gradually dwindled.

At the time, I looked it up, and it would appear that toxins hang around clothing for about 10 minutes.

The chemicals from smoking linger for ages. If someone goes outside to smoke and then comes in and goes near the baby, the child is subjected to passive smoking.

I wouldn't hesitate to tell any smoker to stay away from a child.

How long is the baby going to be there for? Could he/she be put down to sleep in aNOTHER ROOM - ONE THAT'S BEEN WELL AIRED? sorry for the caps