MIL thinks I'm a recluse...

Why do you care what she thinks?

Many people don't drink, including me - what does it matter?

Time to stop bothering about what other people think about you.

If you are happy with your life there is no problem, everyone has different ways of enjoying themselves. As for not drinking, don't either and I do occasionally get people saying 'oh, go on, relax and enjoy yourself '. Smile and ignore.

I try not to let it bother me but find it quite patronising at times. Normally I'm quite good at letting comments wash over me.

I sometimes wonder what is missing in some people's lives that they feel the need to rush from one activity to another Antje.

How often does she go out ?
I do have the occasional drink but have never gone to a pub on a regular basis. You get out more than me. Sounds like a case of "mind your own"

Badenkate she goes out 3 times a week,she's 83 and lives on her own.

Oops sorry that was for ninathenana

I do enjoy a drink but have several friends who never drink at all and when we used to go out or to each other's houses it was never a problem. We just co-exist. I have one very good friend who can't stay in the house. She flits from one friend to another for coffee, lunch,shopping etc. I wouldn't dream of commenting on it, it is her way and her life.

I'm fairly certain that my own mother thinks much the same about me. She doesn't put it into so many words. She prefers to moan about my maiden aunt, who has almost no social life at all to speak of (and, to be honest, is genuinely lonely and unhappy). Then shortly afterwards she will tell me how much like said aunt I am!

Ffs, I'm married, have grown-up children living nearby and little grandchildren who I look after several times a week, so plenty of outings for family reasons alone - in what way does that make me like my auntie?
True, compared with my mother's, my social life is very limited, but it suits me - I genuinely don't want to go out any more often than I do now!
Therein, I think, lies the crux of the matter: my mother (and father), in their eighties, have always led very active social lives, and over the years I've come to realize that my mum, much as I love her, really doesn't understand (or consider 'normal' anyone who leads a different lifestyle from hers.

"Vive la difference", I say!

If I didn't have family and friends who all persist in poking me with a stick I would quite happily moulder away!
Each to his/her own I say!

I presume mil has been told you are happy?
Since there are other people as well who feel sorry for you because you dont drink, could it be that, well um, your face looks a bit glum?
I am hesitant to say that, but sometimes now when I look in the mirror, my face looks glum as my lips seem to have somewhat disappeared.

When I was still working full time, with children still living at home, grandchildren and elderly parents, the idea of going out at night didn't appeal - I'd rather go to bed with a good book

That sounds like quite enough socialising for me. I go to two different choirs. A knitting group most weeks with lunch. I can't knit at present but we have a good laugh. Once a month its about four nights a week. I do like an evening in once in a while. If only to catch up on Happy Valley. It will be four nights this week.

My answer to ''Would you like a drink?'' is to say'' I'm not thirsty thankyou'' . This has the added advantage of making them wonder why they are drinking!

obieone - lol, I wonder where they went ??

Like obieone,I have a naturally "sad" face and have been told to cheer up by strangers all my life!
Seriously though,we are all different in how we enjoy our free time and it is no-one else's business if we are out every night or in bed at 9pm with a good book and a hot drink.
I am not anti-social but do not really take pleasure in social events.I prefer my own company but try telling people that you actually love spending time alone and they think you are crazy.
Go your own way Antjexix and reassure mil that you are happy just the way you are!grin

I can stay around the house without a problem, love my own space now and again. My best friend panics if she has a day without an 'event' and will ring for coffee, a walk etc.

With regard to a sad face.... I have a cross face and yet I'm the least cross person you could come across.
During my working life so many 'newbies' eventually told me "I was really scared/nervous" of you when I started here !!
Perhaps a habit of looking over reading glasses is not becoming

I always say that I am not anti-social but I am selectively social. I go to things when I want and if it appeals to me. I am happy to spend time on my own. Like Coolgran65, my best friend joins everything , has a plan for every day, a holiday or break sorted for every month of the year and doesn't seem able to 'just be'. She's happy, I'm happy, that's all that matters.

I think your MiL was just being pleased for you Antjexix, but of course it's possible to be happy without drinking or socialising a lot and I can understand why you would feel slightly irritated.

I did tell her that i am very happy with my own company. I hope I don't look glum but I can't be the judge of that . I work as a carer in a small carehome three mornings a week looking after 11 residents. And although I love my job, it can be quite demanding and I look forward to some time out when I get home. Thank you for all your input,nice to know I'm not just odd

boggles, if I do a pretend face life, my lips reappear to a certain extent. But they still do seem to have faded and somewhat disappeared. I never even had the biggest lips in the first place.

Antjexix, your weekly activities make my solitary life look like living on the moon. I see fewer people and engage in fewer social activities. In fact I see my family at weekends and virtually no one in the week. I shouldn't worry about it. You are doing what you are happy with. MILs' comments can always be difficult.

I have friends who really were insistant that they would take me to various places as they thought I needed to get out more. At The time I was Deputy Matron in a Home caring for 30 elderly and demented people. I worked shifts including weekends and enjoyed my time at home when I could get it. The friends worked 9-5 jobs and did not understand how hard it was doing shifts. I tried explaining but to no avail. Eventually they gave up but not too gracefully.
Do what suits you and ignore anyone who says you should do otherwise. We are all grown ups an have earned the right to please ourselves.

Well, you're a dirty stop-out antjexix, aren't you! Well, compared to me that is. Why do people assume that because you don't do what they do you're not enjoying yourself. Ignore them, daft beggars, some of us might like our own company but better that than dashing about filling up their time with trivialities because they have no imagination.