Gravestones

I agree. Modern gravestones are horrific! Though there is nothing so lovely and so peaceful as a churchyard full of old, weathered, beautiful stones and memorials engraved with the elegant lettering of past stonemasons. My local churchyard is one such and I am but a mile or so from Stoke Poges churchyard which is one of the most beautiful places on earth and, of course, the inspiration for Gray's 'Elegy in a Country Churhyard'.

My father's ashes were scattered at sea by the RAF in 1998. I so missed having somewhere to go and have a few moments with him-I don't know why as he was on my mind pretty much all the time. It was a need I had for a special place, something to show that he'd existed. The RAF gave us all beautifully mounted maps of the drop zone but it wasn't the same at all. The local church very kindly let us erect a memorial stone against an ivy covered wall in the churchyard which brought me a great deal of comfort. My mother is now in the same churchyard.

Well I'm very soon off to buy a black marble headstone with gold letter for my wonderful mum who died on New Years Day It will have 2 roses etched on it and may well look common, but my mum was a glamour puss till the end. She also dreaded the thought of being cremated and while I'm able she will have a bunch of fresh flowers on her grave every week.
It's not what I would want and that's why I've put in my will that I want a green burial.
Each to their own I say.

In the early 1970s visited an enchanting church in Southern Austria and loved the photographs of the deceased on all the graves. I don't know what they did before photographs, but thought it was such a lovely memorial concept. My mum put a book on my father's grave with space for her details to be added, but I was shocked at the revolting object that was put there in its place by DD and what was wrong with Mum's chosen stone. As I said yesterday I want a tree planted in my preferred green site, no need for stone. As for cremation, I have no great preference, but like the concept of lying in peace in a lovely setting.

We have the ashes of our deceased pets in wooden urns in the back of a wardrobe, and they will be scattered with the ashes of whichever of us is first to go. I wouldn't dream of having a headstone for a dog or cat.
I don't personally like graves or headstones at all, but I absolutely understand why people do!
I 'talk' to my parents and grandparents (and assorted much loved pets) often and don't feel the need to have a grave to visit.
My family have been given strict instructions to pop me in a cardboard box, have a quick cremation, and float the ashes on the sea so that I can travel the world!
A friend of mine had her mother's ashes made into a 'cremation diamond' and 'wears' her mum as a solitaire ring, which I find slightly weird, but it's her choice!

When our lovely Kitty died we buried her in the garden and I planted a Hebe over her which attracts butterflies and I placed a little stone next to that which is inscribed 'It takes a long time to grow an old friend' Heart wrenching isn't it? I did buy another one saying 'Cats leave paw prints on our hearts' but that is on a bookshelf, and every time I see it I think of her.

Sorry...slight change of topic....When we lost our special Westie I found a lovely private animal cremation service out in the country. A lovely family run business where they came and collected our dog and took him lying in a covered quilted bed. We were told when his ashes were ready and we have them in a little sealed box with an inscription plate on top. I often put my hand on it and talk to him.

Dd2 has a special photo frame with a box on the back which holds the ashes of their beloved cat. I find it a bit macabre but they're happy with it.

Graves, gravestones, cremations, where to put ashes, etc such a personal thing. When our DS died suddenly at 18 (epilepsy plus lots of health problems) we had this nightmare choice. We went with burial. DH instinctively felt like that and I was fine too though could equally have gone with cremation. It's been nearly 5 years and we are looking at headstones. I haven't seen 'the one'. There are very limited choices unless you can find a private sculptor - never mind pay for that. I don't visit the grave often, which is I suppose relative to what is normal. How3ver. DH goes nearly every week and sits on a nearby bench with coffee and a book, weather permitting. Brings flowers, tidies up, etc He was DS's main carer physically as DS got bigger, though we did it together too.

I see some lovely thoughtful stones/messages, some dreadful ones too but it's about the ones left behind too so though I can cringe , I'd never look down on them. It's like funeral services. When DS's school head call3d and asked if there were any special requirements ie colour, etc I had to ask and some parents like a sort of 'semi celebration, with child's favourite colour'. It's all about the ones left behind and what gets them through it. We were just surviving and that idea seemed off the wall but there you go...

My mum's ashes were scattered at the crematorium; my Dad didn't care where they went as to him it was just her shell and he had his memories. When he died I had his ashes scatters near to hers. End of. When DH died we spread him liberally; on our beach with just me and our 3 daughters and then we scattered red roses into the sea. I have a rose in the garden Joie de Vivre and a magnolia, which I gave him for his last birthday, which he is nourishing from beneath. He has also taken up residence in Sydney Harbour on his favourite beach so DD2 feels he is near her and we often swim there and 'chat' to him. The rest of him is in a box on top of my wine store in the dining room - very appropriate as he loved his wine and we often include him in our jollifications. My ashes will be mixed with his and my DDs can scatter them wherever they like. I have never thought of having a memorial plaque or anything like that although the girls would like a seat overlooking the harbour where he kept his boat. One day we may get around to it .........Memories are the important thing

grannylyn - that is lovely.

This thread is making me cry,reading about deceased pets. I can well remember the pain of losing many darling cats over the years. sorry I will pull myself together now.

Excuse my ignorance, but what is a drystane dyker?

We pass an RC cemetery quite regularly (in Australia) and some of the graves are very elaborate, almost small houses, with images of the deceased on them.

I prefer understated to flamboyant but each to their own

angsw ? That is a very touching post.

GrandmaKT yes, heard that one, it's good , but maybe best for us Northerners.I had a Gran who prefixed almost everything with 'Eee'.

Drystane Dyker? A person who builds (and repairs) mainly walls by shaping and fitting natural stone together without using any mortar. It takes years of practice to acquire the skill but a well built dyke will last for hundreds of years(Scottish + Dutch a dyke = a free standing wall i.e. not part of a building but maybe round a garden or field or monument)

Granny23, we call them dry stoners

Liked the joke it cheered me up after reading some of your sad stories jamiila I was just going to google as I had not heard of drystane Dyker either ?

I love old churchyards especially in Europe but modern headstones can be interesting too
When I go 'home'I always visit my parents' grave and chat to them (in my head) for a bit I think it is black marble with gold letters (sorry)
I want a Woodland burial
Sister in law intends to keep my brother ashes at home
We scattered my in-laws on a beach in Cornwall
Each to their own..
I think flowers in the shape of words at funerals are totally naff but if it fills a need in people ...who am I to judge

i agree, up to the individual or family, if you know what you want leave instruction, I don't worry about mine, won't be there to see it!

I wouldn't dream of labelling anyone's choice of memorial "tacky". My son had my daughter in law's ashes interred under a polished grey granite stone with gold lettering, in the lovely churchyard of the village they were living in at the time. He no longer lives there but still goes back twice a year to spend some time and tidy things up. Woodland burials are a good idea. The most beautiful cemetery I ever saw was the mountaineer's cemetery in the Austrian Alps at Heilingenblut. A very moving place in an unbelievably beautiful setting.

Anniebach - I'm with you on this. It's a personal thing. If it upsets the sensibilities (sensitivies?) of those who have nothing whatsoever to do with a family grave - tough. It looks like there are plenty gransnetters who agree with you - thank goodness.

Can there possibly be any Gransnetters who have "nothing to do with a family grave"?

Me Jingl, as we no longer live in that part of the country, and hubby can`t drive now, so we haven`t visited the graves for a few years, sadly.

Me too Jingl