Gravestones

Ah yes, dry stone wallers. Thank you!
A dyke to me is an earthen bank, an earthwork (eg Offa's Dyke)

I like the idea of scattering ashes in various favourite places, or perhaps in the sea so they can go where they will.

But I wouldn't criticise anyone who wants something more elaborate.

Yes I like the idea of scattering ashes too, I have always said that I do not want a long drawn out funeral, with someone I have never met talking about me as though knew me forever. I say this because I have been to three funerals this year and that is exactly what happened. I have no idea as yet how I will organise my wishes, probably do a funeral plan. Has anyone done a funeral plan?

I must be in the mood for Pam Ayres this evening:

Don’t lay me in some gloomy churchyard shaded by a wall
Where the dust of ancient bones has spread a dryness over all,
Lay me in some leafy loam where, sheltered from the cold
Little seeds investigate and tender leaves unfold.
There kindly and affectionately, plant a native tree
To grow resplendent before God and hold some part of me.
The roots will not disturb me as they wend their peaceful way
To build the fine and bountiful, from closure and decay.
To seek their small requirements so that when their work is done
I’ll be tall and standing strongly in the beauty of the sun.

Christinefrance - We can only get to my mother's grave once a year now. When we were younger and when we had a caravan near to the Churchyard I regularly replaced fresh flowers. Very reluctantly I now buy as tasteful as I can get artificial flowers so that the grave at least looks attended to. Don't be too hasty; there are often good reasons for apparent no no's.

jalima .

Me too - parents in-law were both cremated, rest of the family mercifully still with us.

LilyFlower - I learned Gray's Elergy when I was 13 (32 verses) I've always loved churchyards.
The human memorials were £700, not the little flat stone with my dog's name. I need to mark where the dogs are buried so they don't get dug up later.

I was thinking of this earlier as I visit my baby brother (who would be 38 this year) but died at 12 hours old. I have a yellow rose tree in my garden for him but I was thinking what will happen or how will I feel when I can no longer go and take some roses and chat a while?

I also have my dad's ashes but reluctant just yet to do anything about them as I am having trouble really taking it in that he has died. I feel like I've been in a dream. And this football being on and him not here is torture.

nothing which helps a grieving person/family is naff ,

I remember some time ago, wind chimes being banned from graveyards and cemetaries( vicars saying that on a windy day at a burial, they couldn't hear themselves talk!) I wonder if this is still the case?

I always thought that something from Dickens "The old curiosity shop" would be nice on a stone because it sums up probably what we all,want. It's a while since I read the book but think it was when a schoolboy died and on the stone was engraved "Lord, keep my memory green". I would like it but the family have instructions that I want to be scattered so won't have a stone, just would like to be remembered sometimes.

Hattiehelga just expressing my personal preference, as I said each to their own. I think it's sad to see untended graves but as we all move around more it's inevitable, the woodland burials seem like a good alternative.

It is up to the individual, each has their own way of coping with death.

Some would think it’s “tacky” to have a headstone or ornament on a cat’s grave.

Our horse was PTS last autumn but it would not have occurred to me to have a headstone or carved ornament in her field.

Headstones have always been placed on human graves for centuries so that seems perfectly normal to me.

Also memorial benches have been placed on promenades, quays and beauty spots for decades and most councils are happy enough as it saves them providing seating for visitors.

Sunseeker I am with you on this. Since I was a babe in arms I have visited family graves at our old parish church. So that’s almost 79 years and I have such a feeling of peace there. Aunts uncles great grandparents grandparents parents and my husband are all buried there. I chat to them and tend their graves the way past generations have done. And I will be there too and the next generation will continue, they already do. It’s love and respect.

I’m going to have my ashes emptied onto the sea - i must add that note on to my Will. Or perhaps tell the children asap.?

It's nobody's business what anyone chooses to have ,,,or have not, when a loved one dies, both my OH and I want to be buried because both our parents are buried in the same cemetery, a headstone in the shape of a book is what we want
our family know this.

My only daughter asked if I wanted to be buried or cremated. We agreed on buried so that she can have a special place to come and talk to me. Of course, knowing my penchant for expressing my opinions, I shall probably find a way to answer back.

Oh please don’t absent - you’ll scare the life out of your daughter 😂

jinglbellsfrocks

Can there possibly be any Gransnetters who have "nothing to do with a family grave"?

Most of my siblings and I are at a minimum of several hours from both of our grandparents' graves. A couple of us are on different continents from where we were born.

Primrose* what made you resurrect a 10 year old thread or how did you even find it ?
Beautyschool the lady you are replying to died some years back I believe, she may not answer you.

Unpleasant thread. It’s no-one else’s business how a person chooses to commemorate their loved one.

I want a simple cremation, no service, no memorial. Maybe a tree somewhere. Which is also no-one else’s business.

Some may think it’s “tacky” ordering an headstone for a dog 🤷‍♀️

I agree. I went to a commital of ashes recently, it was in the churchyard and while we were waiting we wandered around the churchyard. I remembered so many people, spoke with Mum about them, said a little prayer for them all.
For me it gave a sense of a community that I'd been part of growing up, one generation dying the next taking their place, a cycle. And it gave a depth of meaning to the committal that I haven't found in scatterings of ashes.

Each to their own. RC cemeteries have always had a tradition of photos on the gravestones, going back many decades - it's not tacky it's just not your personal tradition.

For me, the graves with just mown grass looked better than the ones with artificial flowers but I can understand people's wish to do this if they live a long way away.
And I didn't come across a single headstone that looked "awful".