Useless men

When I went away for a week recently I left my 40yr old son at home , I came home to a tidy ,( if a little grubby) house which I was grateful for . My other son had popped up and taken pictures of the dreadful mess the kitchen was in during the week , with piles of unwashed dishes and the surfaces chock a block with mess. Apparently the son I left at home had spent the couple of hours before I got home fervently cleaning up . Maybe your SIL works in this way and would have done it eventually ! or maybe he is a lazy so and so .

My ex husband was very happy to do the housework, but I didn't find it attractive at all and felt, at the time, that I was being taken over. Now, of course, I would welcome some help.

His son, however, didn't get that gene. He is so messy, takes him all his time to do anything and umpteen times of asking. It would be easier to do it myself but then why should I do everything?

I don't want to "train" anybody and I don't want them to "train" me. I just think it would be nice if people could help each other, regardless of what sex they happen to be.

My first husband did nothing, but chores were divided with my second husband. My problem now is sons living at home who don't do anything. One is unemployed so I think he should do chores but much nagging gets me nowhere. When I had major surgery earlier in the year, he cooked dinner but the vacuuming and floor washing weren't done for 8 weeks until I was able again.

Men should be good dads and pick up after themselves too. Why did you do it for him? Stop enabling it. If they both work full time housework should be 50/50.

I once had a gentleman friend who was a retired Royal Navy Warrant Officer, and he was houseproud to an obsessive degree.
I'm very particular myself, and at first I thought how nice it was to meet a man who was so clean and tidy. Eventually I stayed with him for a couple of weeks and it was unbearable - I'm sure he thought he was still running a ship!
It came to a head one day when he found a hair lurking in the bathroom basin and had a full-on tantrum about it. I quietly left and didn't return, tho' he seemd baffled and still wanted us to get married!
I decided that men really should be a bit sloppy around the house. It's up to us to train them to an acceptable degree, but not to make them as perfect as we are!

Nannylovesshopping,

Thank you for your goodwill. He is getting crankier by the day and panicking a lot. He make my nerves bad and I get tired and tearful driving to his precise instructions. It's bad enough motorway driving at 73 let alone having to listen to a moaning old bugger.

It's not just a generation thing, my father (born 1918) shopped and cooked and helped my mother all the time but made us children do a LOT of household chores and gardening. Modern children don't seem to help at all at home, despite both parents working.

Ps who needs sanity on holiday!

Beammeupscottie I so feel for you!! Just wondering where his leg will be up? Am imagining he's in the back with his leg obscuring the interior mirror! Your trip could be possibly be featured on other thread running at the moment

My daughter asked her dad if he could look at the syphon flush system on her bathroom toilet. He looked at it went out an bought a new flush syphon thing and tried to do the job.
Eventually he removed the cistern from the wall in DDs very small bathroom and wasn't sure how he could get it back on. (In the end he just secured it.)
DD arranged for a plumber to come next day. He charged £130 which I thought OH should have paid.

If only OH had looked and said I can't do this and left well alone, it would probably not have cost so much money. Men and their misplaced pride.
I suggested OH paid for that mess but I seriously think Sil will not want to do that as it will dent his pride in reminding him he is no DIY-er either.
B men.

Karcher man has cellulitis in his leg and doesn't want to drive us to Yorkshire on holiday tomorrow. I will have a 3 to 4 hour drive, in a car I am unfamiliar with, accompanied by the driving instructor from hell with his leg up somewhere in the car. I feel I will be lucky to arrive sane and whole.

DH,, Have we got any biscuits?
Me, Yes, have you looked!
DH. No.
(Well, I did get a cup of tea, so to look in the tin is a step too far)

The only time my husband has ever handled household gadgets was they were new and he tried them out. After that he wasn`t interested.

Men like gadgets. My life has been made easier through Karcher
steam cleaner, steam irons, window cleaning thingy. I am not allowed to touch his equipment (he doesn't like his hose stretched) which is fine by me.

I think often men are unwilling to do things round the house because they know that whatever they do they will not do it the way their wife wants it and will just get criticised for not doing it properly, simpler not to do the job.

Also some people, of both sexes, who are just terminally untidy. We once had a neighbour who spent part of each weekend keeping his home in order. His wife was such a nice person but totally disorganised. We used to see the children going down to the village shop at 8.15 to buy bread, cereal or milk for their breakfast, because they had run out and their mother had forgotten and not bought anymore. To be fair they never went to school without breakfast, but often had to rush it down in order not to be late.

I said I would never marry anyone who smoked or was untidy. Well DH doesn't smoke and he hid his untidiness very well until after we were married. I have had a lifetime of picking things up and putting them away. Although, to be fair, when I was away a lot he always did the washing and loaded, switched on and then emptied the dishwasher. Then left half the washed crocks on the worktop and I put them away when I got home.

Mine will do things when asked. He does help prepare dinner and dry up without me asking, and he puts most of his dirty clothes in the laundry basket. It has however taken many years to get to this stage. On the other hand he does work a lot harder than me, so I tell myself that the housework/ironing/gardening/shopping is my work. It is not an old fashioned view it is just that he can earn more money than I can so it is a good division of labour.

specki
I'm not surprised he's your ex

My ex did only some of the washing up and lawn mowing. The only time he wielded the vacuum cleaner was to suck up his hair that dropped on the floor after I had cut it for him.. concentrating on that square yard only, rather than take the opportunity to whizz round the room with it. If he spotted any dust or a cobweb he would sneeze dramatically and say "ugh dust! He never cleaned a window or oven, nor did he do any shopping, tidying, laundry, cooking, bedmaking, weeding, leaf clearing nor planting. He would wash his car but not mine; clean his own shoes but not mine.

And I worked and contributed all my earnings to our joint account.
He once said, when asked how he got away with it, "why keep a dog and bark yourself?". Guess why he's my ex?!!!

Our elder DD and equally dear SIL are both such untidy creatures. They work from home which doesn't help and have our 4 lovely DGC.
I often say, a place for everything and everything in its place but it really is a waste of breath.
Yesterday trying to find 6yr old trainers to take her to the park. Dad said look under the sofa! They have a shoe rack for goodness sake! One trainer was behind sofa, other one across the room NEAR shoe rack.
And SIL was in Air Force too. His ironing is out of this world!
They're such a happy family.

DH always thinks things should be left until the last minute, whether paperwork, mowing the lawn or whatever. He is untidy so I still 'train' him by picking up things he has left around and putting them in his place at the table. When I look in the 'right' place for something which is not there I don't look anywhere else, I simply ask him to get it for me. We have been married 48 years and he still doesn't understand that everything should have a place, not just so you can put it somewhere but so you can find it when you need it, just like

There is a recurring post on Facebook which says "When you ask a man to do something he will do it. You don't have to keep reminding him every six months"

My husband will happily (might be slight exaggeration there!)pitch in with housework if we're expecting visitors. He will also hang out/take in washing, even folding it as he goes along.

However he never loads up the washing machine, changes bedding, vacuums cleans bathrooms or kitchen off his own back.
He's a bit prone to leaving his papers lying around too, although he's much improved since he lived alone!!!

Can't really complain though as he does keep the garden under control and cooks me nice meals sometimes,

Oh indinana, then I'm really lucky there. I never find things strewn around, waiting to be put away. Lucky me. But that's because they weren't taken out to begin with. He does, however, run the washing machine, peg stuff out and bring it in, He also irons and deals with the bins. And he's a few years older than me, so I can't really complain.
Charleygirl. 3 months!! Goodness the bedding probably walked off by itself.

My ex needed a map to find the kitchen and I am sure never discovered where the hoover lived. Before getting married he survived for years in the army so he must have learned something there.

I spent 3 months in Scotland when my parents were dying and when I returned, he had not thought about changing the bedding. I doubt if he knew where the clean stuff was kept. He was immaculate whenever he went out, but I washed and ironed everything.

My beef with my DH is his untidiness - he simply cannot seem to put things away. If he uses the cream cleaner to clean the hob, he knows exactly where to find it in the cupboard, but then has a memory lapse when it comes to putting it back. Same with everything - peg basket, car shampoo, hammer, screwdrivers, shopping bags - he uses them and just leaves them on a worktop, floor, window seat, kitchen chair/table. When he takes a tablet, if it's the last one in the pack, the empty strip is left on the worktop, about 3 feet from the bin. Why???
BUT he hoovers, goes shopping, washes up, empties the dishwasher, cleans the cooker, does the garden, puts the bins out and brings them back in. And he cooks fairly often too. We have separate bedrooms, and therefore separate laundry bins - he has been doing all his own washing for years, and pegs it out and brings it in (and then leaves it in a pile on the window seat ). He also washes the cars, takes our son's dog for a long walk every weekday, and walks our daughter's dog a couple of times a week when she comes round.
So all in all, I'm not complaining