Escape

Carolboz- you are not alone. I think we all from time to time feel as you do, and the feeling can be overwhelming, which is quite frightening.
I agree with others here about getting away for a while if you can. My husband went to a retreat when he had a mid-life crisis and he came back a different person. He was able to work through his emotions so that they no longer dominated his thoughts.
Meditation is also helpful. I once went to a group meditation class and it was really uplifting. You literally rise above your thoughts and feel new positive energy that lasts for a long while afterwards.

I have gone through times like you, not that good at the moment. Try and stay strong there seems to be a lot of support on here which is so good.

i have often thought of just walking away! And all those kind posts above made me cry. There are still days when life seems too much but thanks to a lot of 'talking therapy', newfound interests and friends, I generally cope. I too am a bookworm and now often listen to a talking book (free from library) - the humorous ones are very uplifting. In my darkest hours I listen to Ladies of Letters. Wonderful. Over the last few years I have begun to write poetry - it's not earth-shattering stuff, but i find it a great way to let my emotions out safely.

Many of us feel the need to escape and sort our thoughts which cannot be done in the crowded world of families and grandchildren. I have always found that parking my car somewhere with beautiful or spectacular scenery and with good music on my cd, helps me to focus my mind and put my thoughts into order. Having gathered my thoughts I find a chat with a close friend sorts out what is important. I would hate the solitude of a retreat as one of my issues is loneliness

I know this is no help to any of you, but reading all your posts has been great for me. I didn't realise so many others feel as I do. To people on the outside I have a seemingly perfect life and appear to be the happiest person. In reality none of it means a thing to me and I plod on being a dutiful wife/mother/grandmother with no pleasure in life. This is not to do with my age, I have always felt the same.

Now there's an idea harrysgran - a caravan!! Yes - got me thinking now !!! Thankyou!! Xx

I phoned the Samaritans once years ago. They couldn't do more than listen, but after I had put the whole situation into words I did feel a lot better, despite nothing had actually changed.
Or perhaps Cruse would be useful?

Go out with a friend Caroleboz and have a good laugh -not on your own - laughter is the best medicine!! I find that is best for me when I am fed up with my life and wish I could retire from our business and do all the things I want to do with the rest of my life. I am 70 next year- we don't need to continue working but I am Married to a 75 year old workaholic!! Should I just stop doing the business accounts in order to have more freedom - or what? Difficult decisions- inevitable arguments- no escape?!!

CarolBoz - Your real concerns are not unusual. I feel that many factors are going on and sometimes we feel a lack if purpose. I'm feeling the same way and I can only approach it at one day at a time. Problem is, I've ran/walked away when I was younger and I know how it feels to try to reconstruct a new life, however sometimes now I wonder if I'd be better off really out of it. My only concern is the struggle to keep a roof over my head, pay bills, look after grandchildren, be everything to all that know me. I have only family and they're a great bunch but they don't know how I feel. I would only say to you, walking away doesn't solve matters and it's important to stay put and improve what we have. Find some peace, as has already been said in retreat or lose yourself in new interests. It could open up great opportunities in the future.

I hope you find some peace it's difficult to walk away I did from the partner ,home, and community I'd lived for over thirty years sometimes staying and trying to work through it is the best option but I'm happy how my life is now but looking forward and being optimistic helps and having my little caravan in the countryside I can retreat to when it gets too much.

Radicalnan. Wow. What you have written I could have written - its exactly how I feel and think, down to the seagulls. And Chicklette I was in my 30's when I read Anne Tyler's Ladder of Years and identified. And, like Maggieanne I don't think I have ever been happy. For me it is not a matter of circumstances particularly, it is a matter of personality and temperament. Maybe Carolboz, you you it is more a matter of circumstances. But in any case you ask about escape and I have mine. To quote Somerset Maughan "To acquire the habit of reading is to construct for yourself a refuge from almost all the miseries of life".

Hope you get some peace carolboz ?

Reading the posts has already helped. Especially the idea of lists and the idea of a retreat. I might go and stay in a caravan on the coast for a couple of nights..I think 42 years of marriage makes one lose autonomy. Many thanks to you all

Left the laptop for a think when I read your post. My sympathies go to you.
I don't know your circumstances but hope you can get somewhere in some fashion to calm your mind and take a step back to assess your feelings. Even a relaxation tape or CD can help.
There are posts here that point you towards organisations that can help you further. I wondered about The Samaritans and googled them. Do you have access to the internet to see what they are about? The library will have it.
You have reached out on Gransnet which is a good start. There is lots of good and compassionate advice on here and fellow feeling. I so hope you can find some space for yourself to help you find a way forward. May good things begin to go with you.

Thankyou every one, your support it is wonderful and unexpected. After I read my post, I thought for goodness sake get a grip. But sometimes that is easier said than done as you have all shown. For today I am going to check out meditation via the routes mentioned above but just now take myself out for the day, maybe have a walk and a coffee somewhere. Lists are always good and I have used them in the past, but they make things so final and not sure if I am ready to go there yet. My mixed up world is a combination of things, I have had the rug pulled from under me so many times just lately. Thank you, and I hope this thread helps others in a similar situation.

Timely thread for me. Yes , I wonder if walking away would make me happier. I am stuck at home with a husband who works full time at age 73. And when he is home he seems to like completely different things. And everything I like doing has no value to him.for example gardening .
Usually I fill my time looking after the grandchildren,going to u3a and looking after allotment.
Our mortgage runs out next year and we may have to sell the house and buy a smaller place further out.
The uncertainty is getting us both down.
Any ideas?

hello carolboz....yes I truly have felt the need to walk away...and have done so recently...went to stay with my dearest dad...who lives alone since we lost mum...he has such a wisdom and a wonderful way of putting things into perspective...find a relative/friend to support you..who is a good listener...it really helps...and of course..i'm here to listen too!..as are we all...I felt clearer in my mind after a two week soul searching break away from home...still feel unsettled..unsure...but so much better for getting away...try it..you owe it to yourself Carol.....{flowers}

radical nan...I honestly feel for you...& agree & can identify with all that you say...I too have lost loved ones...feel so alone at times...I truly hope you find comfort through some friends..or deep within yourself..get away be kind to yourself...as us women are to others...wishing you a way forward..& hope you find support on here...hugs & best wishes..xx

I enjoy a good drama on TV, so when we sat down to watch one a few years ago I was quite stunned by the opening scene. It was a sad-looking woman who seemed to be with a therapist. "When was the last time you felt happy?", she was asked. No response. "What about when you got married, gave birth, something like that?" Again, no response, but...then she replied, "I don't think I've ever been happy", and that's when it hit me, I don't ever remember being really happy. Is that normal?

Do understand how you feel Carolbolz. Life is tea difficult sometimes and I have often wanted to walk away. My favourite book is Ladder of Years by Anne Tyler. It's about a woman who accidentally walks away from her life. I always feel better after reading it. Retreats can be expensive so what I did once was book a room in an inexpensive hotel in another town. I spent time just reading and being alone with my thoughts. I felt so much better for it. I hope you feel better soon. As others have said life does move on, and things will change. I'm going through difficult times myself recently and really wish I could run. But I'm in a lupus/rheumatoid arthritis flare so wouldn't get far!

I too had recently walked away for a while...things just got too much...aging but dear dad..hospital appointments & marital discontent..feeling totally taken for granted...lack of respect from husband...tough times...somehow you summon up the strength to get through...a break certainly and absolutely does help to clarify what you're feeling...& helps you work out both what's important...& how you want to live your life...hugs to all going through a difficult period in your daily lives..be strong...& you can get through..xxx
{flowers}

Hi just google New Kadampa Tradition where you can enter your post code and find your nearist centre everybody is very welcoming and helpful.

I will be first in the queue if there is an escape. I find that the people I loved best have all died, the kids are great but miles away and busy with their own lives etc.

World news is terrifying. I can't honestly see the point in going on most days and would not want to be chemically propped up by a GP or sent to some counsellor for their take on why life should be positive, when mine isn't and hasn't been for most of the time. I find this notion that if you aren't 'happy' you need psycho social adjustment by some numptie with a CBT form or some anti depressants.

The prospect of years ahead dwindling away and being a bloody nuisance to the kids holds absolutely no sparkle for me at all.

As for life..........a good deal of it sucks. Would be lovely to be beside the sea, provided nobody else turned up and the seagulls showed some respect..but even sunsets get boring.

I feel guilty that my mother and sister both died in their fifties and so wanted to live and here am I just waiting for the off.....and waiting, and waiting..........and that is also a perfectly respectable point of view, not an illness but a long look at the way life has been and a judicial response.

Carolboz, I too have longed to walk away recently, ( thought I might manage to live cheaply somewhere else ) but it would leave my DDs with so much responsibility for my sick OH and handicapped DS (still at home ), that I just couldn't. That's our problem - we seem to carry so much responsibility. I feel for you. You are not alone.

Hi I have been reading the above threads I am a Buddhist nun .I would recommend you try Buddahist meditation classes there you will learn to control your mind because we can run away but our mind still goes with us .Learning to control our mind takes time it is not a waterfall but like a gently flowing river .Meditation has made a huge difference to my life I am happy peacefull and contented .Just google Modern Buddahism .All my love and blessings Kelsang Zondru x