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Granny's nightmare

(56 Posts)
DaphneBroon Mon 21-Nov-16 23:23:45

Twas the month before Christmas
And throughout the land
We've started our shopping
With help from broadband
The toys come from Argos, the clothes from JL
Cos shopping in person
Is the Ninth circle of Hell
There's a jumper for DH, for SIL, gin
But where should they leave it
If I am not in?
I sit up with Amazon ordering books
For cyclists and sports fans
And children and cooks.
My cash card is tingling, the urge is still there
Without M&S or Ocado
I haven't a prayer.
In the shops like those jingle bells
The cash tills will ring
But here by the fire I am spared all that thing
Of jostling and crowds and nowhere to park
Then driving back home in the cold and the dark.
I love Christmas shopping, the spirit is here
And as I'm not driving, don't stint with the cheer.winewine
But where would I be - I would weep I would frown
If my nightmare should happen
My wi-if was down? ???

Crafting Tue 22-Nov-16 20:41:48

Wonderful Daphne grin. Your wi-if down comment reminded me of Margo in the Good Life saying Christmas was cancelled because Harrods couldn't deliver it.

Jalima Tue 22-Nov-16 20:20:03

I should have read that before I struggled to the shops today DaphneBroon

Excellent!

(however, I was unable to purchase something for DGD online -there seems to be a shortage and the price has shot up at least three-fold on Amazon - and I found it in a real toy shop at normal price!)

meandashy Tue 22-Nov-16 19:18:31

You're very talented Daphne ? made me smile, thanks for that ?

KatyK Tue 22-Nov-16 19:13:06

Brilliant Daphne

Alidoll Tue 22-Nov-16 19:05:22

Ok disgruntled, I lied.. just a bit
To get the word to sound right, so they would fit
Easter didn't sound right, Black Friday too close
I have done some shopping, so yes I can boast
Half are now wrapped and hidden away
Hope family don't go looking, unwrapped they must stay
ill get round to adding the paper and bows
And looking back at, the highs and the lows
Of organising Christmas for this year
I'll sing hallelujah, a give a big cheer
That another years past, a new one must start
And my family don't think, that I'M that old fart!

Lupatria Tue 22-Nov-16 18:26:14

i've done all my christmas present shopping online too. and some of the chocolates, sweets and other "eats" from tesco and asda [thank goodness for home delivery i say].
i've had a problem with my knee - severely arthritic and had an infection there somehow so walking was/is painful.
will HAVE to actually visit a couple of places for christmas cards and the last minute things but, thankfully, i can use my motability scooter - what a godsend.
daphneb i did "nick" your pome - and it's now on facebook for all my friends to see [i was thinking of one friend in particular who's also done all her shopping online.
so with the spirit/cheer i'm going to raise a glass to amazon and all the other places who make my life so much easier.
sorry, i know it's still november but happy c*******s everybody.

joannewton46 Tue 22-Nov-16 17:20:46

I agree completely. That's what I do now but I do miss the Christmas shops and excitement of when I was a child.

Disgruntled Tue 22-Nov-16 16:55:16

Hey Alidoll did you really buy everything in May???? I'm impressed!

callgirl1 Tue 22-Nov-16 16:49:10

Love it, DaphneB!

inishowen Tue 22-Nov-16 15:25:33

Brilliant. You should send it into a magazine. Not this year, but keep it and send it around October next year.

wot Tue 22-Nov-16 14:48:34

Allidoll, love your's too!

Legs55 Tue 22-Nov-16 14:17:30

DaphneBroon brilliant, this has made me laugh - I've just finished writing my Christmas cards, Present wrapping next - did some of mine on-line smile

Nelliemoser Tue 22-Nov-16 14:10:47

Such talent!

rosesarered Tue 22-Nov-16 14:03:07

Good poem Daphne and sounds like me....did it all through the Internet, what a relief.All I have to do is wrap them now.tchsmile

Alidoll Tue 22-Nov-16 13:58:31

Coz making words rhyme, it's really not hard
To bring them together and sound like the bard
He was known to like a tipple or two
But I prefer tea, I do like a brew
But stuck on a train, 4th of the day
On my way home, there was some delay
Leaves on the line, one snowflake landed there
I look out the window, sat down and I stare
At the there little bambi's next to the line
White tails bobbing madly, to give me a sign
That I'm not going anywhere, for here I am stuck
As the month before Christmas, you don't have such luck
So I've bought my presents, and packed them all ready
And now I can relax, sit back, watch the tele
Knowing the big day will be alright
As I bought my presents on May bank holiday night!

Disgruntled Tue 22-Nov-16 13:56:53

Spot on, Daphne! Well done! flowers

Alidoll Tue 22-Nov-16 13:45:42

On a train and first version was lost
Had typed it all out so oooh I was cross
Autocorrect is a pain you can see
But the words that were written, were written by me!

Alidoll Tue 22-Nov-16 13:43:28

The worst has happened, the wi-fi has failed
My plans for Christmas have all been derailed
So along to Tesco I know I must trudge
To buy what I can from what's left, I begrudge
A few old sprouts, a loo brush, some smellies
That's all I can find to send to the relies
But alas the my woes are not at an end
The post office closed so no present can I send
They'll get them next year and think I am mad
Gone senile, old fart and a little bit sad
So "off to the care home" they'll announce without cheer
You can't forget Christmas, it IS once a year!

hulahoop Tue 22-Nov-16 13:24:29

Really good dg
I like to go into town
I know that will cause a frown
I like to meet friends you see
To shop and call for tea suits me
But one day I won't go out and about
Is Black Friday don't want a clout
I know this is not as good as yours
Hope you get all you want from Santa clause ?
? DB

grannyqueenie Tue 22-Nov-16 13:19:28

Fantastic bit of writing DaphneBroon...glad to see I'm not the only one living in this surreal pre Christmas bubble!!!!

millymouge Tue 22-Nov-16 13:19:03

That is fantastic, so very clever. Well done you grin

Skweek1 Tue 22-Nov-16 13:12:51

Says it all!

Nelliemaggs Tue 22-Nov-16 12:54:25

Love it. Put a smile on my face so thank you.

Lewlew Tue 22-Nov-16 12:50:32

You will be viral in no time grin

Synonymous Tue 22-Nov-16 12:47:33

Well done DaphneBroon smile