soop's kindly kitcheners and pampered pets...

Well apart from a tree in the conservatory that is the last time Christmas decorations go up in our household.
I remember posting last year what a difference a year had brought to my H,well this year it is so much more noticeable.

He could not help at all,only hinder and I am sorry to say I ended up in tears any shouting at him.

I have just had a cup of tea and 2 co-codamol and will sit down for a break.

Getting to the stage in life when you know things are over is very very hard and dispiriting.

Ann I feel so so sorry for you and it is difficult to put into words how I think you feel. Are you at the stage where you are having problems coping with H and you are considering other options? You have to think of your health, mental as well as physical. Us lot are always here for you, in spirit if not in body.

Dear Ann My concerns for your health and state of mind, are those of Charleyg and the rest of us lot. I want to do something useful for you. But what...? You continue to do your best in the most trying and depressing of circumstances. I'm certain that I could not cope anywhere near as well as you do. Please, Ann, say that you'll talk matters through with your GP.
I've driven home with my pal in floods of tears. She's visited her husband in the care home. Yet again, without a thought for her feelings, her husband has accused her of having a "boy friend" and much more besides. Her phone has been out of action for two weeks. BT promised to repair the fault but failed to send an engineer to do so. Her husband believes that the phone being out of order is yet another "excuse". Her cell phone doesn't have a signal at home. She has to drive out of the village to use it. Just another buggeration that is definitely not of her making. Seeing our pal distraught, brings you and your on-going trials and tribulations into sharp focus.

Jalima I'm wishing you well throughout 2017.

Charleyg I stopped by at the vets in Campbeltown this morning. Bank holiday Tuesday in Scotland. So I couldn't discuss Rory with a member of staff. Tomorrow we'll be travelling to Glasgow for a hospital visit. We shall continue to watch over him (he's not desperately ill) and phone the vet on Thursday for an opinion. If the vet needs to see Rory, she'll need to visit him here at home. I shall keep you updated.

NanaandGrampy A big gold star for Jackson. Good manners do matter.

grannyqueenie Did you take the sunset over on Islay? It's a beautiful image. Almost looks like a watercolour painting.

kittyl Safe travels. You will need a very long sleep by the time you return home. I may be tempted and succumb to sampling a few of the Hotel Chocolat bits and bobs. Oh the agony of being a "short-arse" At barely 5' (and a widgeon) any extra weight remains glued to my tummy and hips. If I were taller...then I would be stick thin. Nature can be so unkind.

anno Cheese is a food that I could relish on a daily basis. My favourite is Saint Augur. I've been told to cut back on the amount. A mouse wouldn't bother sharing my ration.

Ann please try not to worry about tears and shouting at your H - as you've said yourself he doesn't remember it. You wouldn't be normal if you didn't get upset about it all - you're just like a pressure cooker and letting off some steam. There used to be a very good book about caring for dementia called The 36-hour Day and a lot of carers I knew said the title described exactly why they felt so exhausted and frustrated.

If you're thinking about the possibility of residential care please don't leave it till it becomes a necessity. Start reading up on what's available now. Ask Social Services for a copy of the local care homes directory, which will list everything in your area but coded so you know what to look for. Alzheimer's Society have loads of information sheets and guides on what to look for in a home. Does your H go to a day centre at all so you get a break?

Please don't think I'm trying to teach my granny how to suck eggs but I've known loads of people try to soldier on alone at the risk of their own health.

A wise message, Swanny

Oh ann, please don't give yourself a hard time. You are allowed to be human and have reactions. For what it's worth I think swanny is right, best to begin research earlier rather than later. If I could I would come and put up your tree next Christmas. Illness causes such distress, so hard for your friend soop. We've discovered two near neighbours have deteriorated so much over Christmas. We certainly all need to live our lives while we can.

Well done Jackson. . A response worthy of a diplomat, n&g,

School pickup for us today, bright, sunny day but absolutely freezing. Hope they aren't late or they will find two blocks of ice waiting for them. In fact the wait just might trigger the need for a restorative hot chocolate on the way home .

corner you do not need a hot chocolate!!!!! A coffee or tea maybe but not anything with half milk or cream (the brain has gone).

Swanny I agree with you, now is better to do the research than when Ann is absolutely desperate.

soop again, distance is a buggeration because I would happily cat sit Rory on Thursday while you take the trip to the hospital.

soop I have cancelled the silk duvet- quite amicably as it turned out. I think I will be needing that money to get rid of a chest of drawers, 5 drawers, which has died. The quotes to get rid of it start at £70+VAT, but the best was £167+VAT and that was for parking outside my front door- it was so much every 5 minutes after that.

corner I also like your message to Ann. Another close friend is worrying herself silly because her eighty year old mother, a Globe-trotting lady who never went outside the door without being dressed to the nines, complete with pearls and such-like, is now barely able to "bother" to look after herself properly. Mother refuses all offer of help. She could move into an apartment annexed to her daughter. She won't even consider it. If daughter tries to reason with her she shouts to be left alone. Mother was taken out for a slap-up meal. After the main course, she lay her head on the table and went to sleep. A waiter asked her was she feeling poorly. No, was the brusque response, but I need a cushion. She then placed the cushion on the table and went to sleep. Oh dear. Isn't old age a buggeration.

Thank you, Charleyg The hospital appointment is tomorrow. We shall be leaving here fairly early (for me). MacSporran has printed out a map. That always flusters me. It means that he's not too sure of the route. Whenever I do as he asks and tell him when to leave the motorway (^he quite often responds with...I think I know a short cut^.) We've yet to arrive at the designated hospital without having travelled "the scenic route". Do you understand?
I'm shocked. Really! £167+vat plus more every five minutes? Scandalous. Surely there ne who could help you out. If we lived nearby, MacSporran would pop round and do his bit for you.

I'm about to log off. It's possible that I shall not be able to call in to the kitchen tomorrow. Thursday morning is ironing-duty-day. I shall therefore be with you and catching up with things on Thursday afternoon.

A bleak and grey day. The kitchen is cosy. Every one welcome to loll in the comfy chairs and recover from the excesses of the festive season.

Ann I'm sorry things are getting so much harder for you. There's something about the Christmas season and the turn of the year that just highlights what's changed since a year ago. Don't beat yourself up about getting cross and shouty, you're doing an amazing thing in caring for your husband at home but you're not perfect just doing the very best you can in tough circumstances. Hope things have felt easier as the day has gone on and you're able access any support that's available to you. As others have said it's always better to think about options before you find yourself backed into a corner and having to make big decisions in haste. Thinking of you x
Yes soop the photo was taken from Islay, just along the road from Bruichladdich Distillary....hmmm not sure about that spelling?? I don't really like whiskey but somehow found myself buying a bottle for my son, it would have been rude not to!

Thank you all for your concern. It was just a bad day and I was feeling tired. Christmas was not much fun and I was feeling sorry for myself, but it is a fact that he couldn't help as he doesn't know where anything goes in the house.
Certainly for the forseeable future residential care is just not on the cards. He won't even agree to having any help at all as he doesn't think he needs it. Denial in him is very strong.
Also my personal financial situation would be dire and at 79 going out to work is not really an option!!!
Our income, which is comfortable, comes from him. Big mistake but a tad late to change things.
I am treating myself having bought a new dishwasher which I needed but have had a new double oven and am getting a new fridge freezer and have ordered new bar stools for the kitchen so nice things to look forward to. There are always compensations.

You're so right Charley in fact strop was his usual response so this was a good leap forward ( thank goodness)

He has his moments Kitty

Ann also so you have plenty of empties to try out the new dishwasher!!

Soop hope all goes well for you tomorrow at the hospital and that you enjoy the scenic routes when travelling

for Rory, after MacS has de-boned it of course

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/201701/medium-408468-15780976-10155567019177366-3305814592740807293-n.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/201701/medium-927778-15873519-10155567019187366-7604961483450077425-n.jpg

ah Ann you continue to amaze and astound me with your 'just getting on with it' attitude. I hope I could be half as stalwart if I ever have to face the things you do.

Charley was it that cost for ---just the removal of the chest of drawers???

Maybe I can raise a smile .....

My daughter has started potty training Cooper who is 2 and a 1/2 .

She messaged me after an hour to say Potty nil Pants 2 !!

This went on through the day with her getting more and more frustrated as he would sit , pull his pants up , wander to the corner and promptly do a wee.

Finally some 10 hours after starting I got this message :-

Pants 11
Places to wee: Lounge, Hall, Kitchen( 3 times) in his big toy box, on Jackson , on her lap and finally on the front door mat !!

Potty 1 !!!!!!!!

We're calling that a success .

Day 2 beckons.

She also sent me this picture prior to him getting up this morning . Seems like all that prep wasn't helping [laugh]

(we have him for swimming on Friday - he will be wearing a swim nappy )

It seems that I am just too late to say 'Safe Travel and Good Luck' to soop unless she pops back in. Soop, it seems to be a fairly common trait for people living with Alzheimer's to feel that they have been betrayed by a loved one so I hope your friend's husband has been checked out.

I'd be really grateful if someone could tell me what day of the week it is. Sometimes I think it's Monday and sometimes, Wednesday, though I suspect it's actually Tuesday!

N&G, DGD4 (Lottie) is 3 years old and just safely dry. Eventually, having tried for a very long time, DD and DSIL 'bet' her she couldn't do it and it only took a week!! Her elder sister was always eager to please - Lottie is always eager to please - herself - I love her to pieces!!

Ann, I do feel for you. Please tell me that you at least have contact with the Alzheimer's Uk. They can maybe give you advice that might help make things easier for you. If you haven't done so, please contact them. I volunteer with 3 fabulous outreach workers who really 'get it'.

I must go and do tea but, before I go, I'd just like to say to Anno that I am mortally offended by that slur! I'll have you know that it's called Metatone - it's horrid!! And I need a to take the taste away!

N&G yes one chest of drawers! It has 5 drawers, is falling apart, it was a flat pack originally. If I want my council to remove it, I have to get it down a flight of stairs to the roadside! Then it would cost me £54. No wonder people fly tip.

I obviously cannot order a new one until this has gone but I am having to double check that the precious petals will carry a new one up one flight of stairs. Some will not place any furniture in the hall for Elf and Safety reasons. I have not given up yet!

Blimey Charlie that's extortionate !!!

Kitty that sounds like Cooper .... at best I'd call him spirited at worst downright stubborn .

kitty, Metatone is disgusting stuff and would be enhanced by a good slug of posh gin!

annsixty I am glad you have ordered some new things to make life easier for yourself.
He won't even agree to having any help at all as he doesn't think he needs it
But if he has help, it is helping you.
Could the help be introduced as a friend who is popping in to help out?

I was advised to take Metatone years ago after being poorly and in fact I didn't mind it at all.

Ann60 glad you are realising that your strength comes first. Your story must be a warning for many of us, so thank you.
And Bon Courage as they say here.

OK a grandkid fest. I had to stop the littlest 20mnths from playing with our cloakroom taps and he was not happy. I could not help myself but to show his more furry double.

Nellie I did laugh when I saw the face of that young man and I agree, his double has the same expression but no tears. I am amazed that he can reach the cloakroom taps- I am not sure if he could reach the set here. Hopefully tomorrow will be a happier day for him. I would think that it would be difficult to keep him amused without him wrecking the house.

That made me laugh out loud Nellie .

I love that little face ( it's one we see often in our house lol )