Has a lack of, or an abundance of, siblings affected your personality?

Seems to be a common thread running through with only children. Independent, don't ask for help, difficulties mixing with others. Many always wanted siblings too whereas those with siblings found them a mixed blessing.
Think we always want what we can't have.

I think there are pros and cons to both - and, of course, every individual and family is different.

I am an only child. It didn't really bother me when I was young. I got on well with older people and was quite happy to socialise with them - not feeling embarrassed, like some children are, to be enjoying the company of adults. I still get on well with people older than me. I was a bit mollycoddled but fairly happy amusing myself and am still quite comfortable with my own company.

However, now that I'm older I would really appreciate having a brother or sister so that we could offer mutual support and share childhood memories.

Still, it seems it doesn't always work out that way and I'm quite lucky to have some good, longterm friends - which I know isn't quite the same as being related and brought up together but is still quite comforting.

I do think, though, that being an only child can tend to make me not selfish but sometimes a bit thoughtless about other people's needs. Also, I think having brothers and sisters might have made me a bit less sensitive and more able to stick up for myself in challenging social situations.

I have added close relatives in this post. I am the second girl of two. My sister is 4 yrs older than me. I really don't know if it has in my case I was not very close to my sister when I was young I think the age gap made a big difference.
My personality is very different to my sister but we get on ok now although she lives 100 miles away. My female cousin was also 4yrs older than me. She had a brother born when I was eight. We got on well when when we met but he went off to NZ and Austraila at 20 when he finished an engineering apprenticeship and never really came back.

I know relationships between siblings can be difficult but from what I have observed from others I feel it would be nice to have siblings or cousins about.

I had no contact with any of my dad's relatives.
We moved away from where my mums family when I was about 4 that was only about 30 miles but not many people had cars to make family visits easy.
When I was eight we moved even further away. My grandma died when I was 10 cutting off another close relative.
I really wish I had more closely related (and located) family around when I grew up.

I was an only child for 11 years and envied other children with siblings. I would have loved cousins too. It helped that a close friend was an only child too though.

I am too independent, don't ask for help, have difficulties socialising and can amuse myself. I like solitary pursuits...walking, cycling, reading, gardening and steer clear of clubs and groups much preferring one to one interaction.

My half sister and half brother came along when I was 11 and 17. I was then pushed to the bottom of the pile [long story], so it was all very painful. So siblings at last but still no one to play with! We do not see each other now our mother has passed away, Christmas and birthday cards only.

I would have loved just one person in my corner when I was getting the brunt of the problems at home. I would like that now too...

I'm the oldest of five siblings and the oldest of six cousins. I think it' made me feel burdened with responsibility and added to my feelings of anxiety. On the up side we were all close and have shared lots of good and bad times. I don't see anything of two of my siblings but the rest of us are close and I love them and it's comforting to know they care about me. I'm particularly close to my youngest sister. She's my rock in times of trouble. It's the one thing I feel blessed with. We had no money but we were a large close family. I was lucky, really lucky.

I spent the first 7 years of my life as an only child. My brother arrived after that and I'm really glad he did. Although living on different continents we are very close and talk most weeks. There is less than two years between DH and his sister and they haven't spoken for many years. I suspect every experience is different as upbringing and personalities vary.

I was the fifth of six, (2 girls/2 boys/2 girls) I hated being dressed the same as my sister who is five years younger. We're spread far and wide, I only speak to my second eldest sister and younger sister. Family politics!

Yes, undoubtedly but not all good or all bad. An only child growing up in an isolated spot I learned to be self sufficient and enjoy my own company. I also learned to relate to adults. I wasn't spoiled materially, there wasn't the opportunity. The down side was a lack of confidence with peers, an inability to make my voice heard in a group (still the case) and a real fear of anyone shouting. I hadn't heard anyone shout until I was in my second year at school and had a shouty teacher, I was terrified and still dislike raised voices. There was also a real sense of responsibility for others, a mixed blessing that one. I think being an only gave me an internal strength and I am never afraid of being alone. It has hampered me in friendships and in group settings. All families differ in their dynamics. At the moment I am very sad there is no family member to share memories of my childhood with and it was very hard indeed not to have a sibling to share the illness and death of my parents, but equally there was no one to be unpleasant or to argue at that time. My grief was mine, no one to tell me it was wrong, or indeed right. Being an only had and has advantages and disadvantages, as does having siblings.

I am a middle child and got used to fighting my corner - neither the favoured big brother nor the sweet much younger sister. I am still good at fighting my corner!

My sister, 18 months my junior, had brain damage which became evident when she was about a year old. It was during the 50’s when it was something to be ashamed of. I never spoke about her at school and kept would-be friends at a distance. My sister became more and more difficult for my parents to handle and I spent school holidays living with my grandparents. I never doubted that my family loved me but often resented my sister as a child. I am still a solitary person, despite being a parent and grandmother. I don't have any close friends (except my DH). I sometimes think I would have been a different person if my sister had been 'normal', but who knows - after reading some of the posts above, I'd probably still be the awkward, independent so-and-so I am now!

I think being the middle one of three makes you self reliant and independent. The oldest always needs attention and the youngest one is the 'baby'. The middle one has to get on with life.

gettingonabit you have written my post!!!! I am a strongly independent "only", love my own company & I will admit selfish at times but generous with love & my time when others need help

I don't ask for help & when others offer I have to stop myself saying "no I'm ok" but actually let people help me (even if I don't really need help), if you keep refusing they may stop offering

My DM is 87 & we share many memories which only we have, my DD is my only child but has 1 Half-Brother, 3 Half-Sisters, 1 Step-Sister & 1 Step-Brother, mostly she has lost touch with them. I had thought my DGS was going to be another "only" but he will have a sibling in May - he's been desperate to be a "big Brother"

I was never spoilt as a child (not much money) nor was my DD or DGS (except by GPs) but I have always been confident in the company of adults but a shy child especially in large groups (still reticent until I get to know people - then you can't shut me up)

As an 'only' born to older parents I had no grandparents either, and lived in what I later realised was a broken home, although it didn't actually fall apart. I have a happy heart (a great bonus in life!) but have never been at ease with strangers, although I am told I put on a good show of sociability. Inside I am and always will be a loner, happy with my own company. I will never, ever show hurt. I think an only child often feels total responsibility for their parents happiness, as there is no sibling to share the load - that is a real burden, particularly if their relationship has gone sour at some point.

My sister was 5 years younger than me, it meant a lot of taking care of her which cramped my style.

She died when she was only 52, from breast cancer and although we did have times when we were close, mostly the age gap was sufficient to keep us apart. I wonder now that I am old if we would be close because the difference between 60 and 65 is negligible whereas the difference between 7 and 12 is immense.

I'm an only, never wanted siblings as I watched the turbulent relationships my friends had with theirs. The only time I might have appreciated having a sibling was when I was having to cope with illnesses, Alzheimer's, care homes and funerals for my parents, but listening to friends it wouldn't necessarily have made all the horrible decisions any easier as I have heard of so many family divisions over the care of elderly parents. Being an only made it very difficult for me to form strong relationships because I had never really learned the emotional give and take that is required, I lacked(often sill lack) self confidence, but I am well able to amuse myself as that was a lesson well learnt in childhood

I am an only child and the eldest cousin (and only girl) in my mum's family. I would have liked a brother or sister but my mum said she didn't have enough coupons for another baby! This was just after the war, rationing still on. Her real reason was that she'd had an impoverished childhood during the depression, had to go to work in the mill at 14 and was determined to give me the life chances she hadn't. I wasn't lonely as a child. I lived in a working class community on a new council estate where all the children played out in all weathers. I learned to stick up for myself and to negotiate from an early age. My parents both worked and I was very independent and resilient. This has stood me in good stead during some tough times. One disadvantage is that I have an overwhelming sense of responsibility. As an only child you don't have siblings to fall back on and / or to share what needs doing, e.g. when parents are elderly and need support. I've always felt that if a job needs doing its down to me and find myself stepping up in situations where others are quite capable. I have some truly wonderful friends who are like sisters and I do think I invest more in my friendships. My husband was one of four and always said I had a rose tinted view of what it was like to have siblings, he may have been right, discuss!

My husband is an only child and I am the fourth of six. It has caused huge problems in our relationship. He expects to have everything his way as he is unable to understand that I should share in the decision making. His only close relationship growing up was with his mother so he always acts as though we are parent and child never equals. My siblings and I shared the same life circumstances and so cooperated and supported (not always- we fought too) each other automatically. We learned about other people's needs and feelings at close range. My husband can only think about what is best for himself because that's all he knows. He would love to have had siblings especially as his mother was an only too and so he had no cousins. Whatever your siblings are like, they give you the chance for understanding other people and a view of your own life that no one else has.

My DH is an only and he struggles to understand the loyalties that tend to bond siblings. He doesn't understand why I need to consider my siblings if they are being awkward, thoughtless or unkind as he would just walk away from them forever whereas I feel that they are family so you accept the good and the bad. A couple of years ago one of my sisters did something so awful to one of my DC that I was forced to walk away and he couldn't understand the grief/mourning I suffered for the relationship I thought I had with her. Similarly, he sometimes finds it difficult to understand the relationships our children have with each other. He's not unkind, just struggles to get his head around sibling relationships never having experienced them himself.

This is all so familiar! I too have that overwhelming feeling of responsibility, and the sense that people are dependent on me. Particularly at work, where I'm consciously anxious about not cutting it.....

I was never lonely. I grew up in a close community, always had friends. I've always been able to entertain myself too, and sometimes think I'm a bit too self-sufficient.

However in my experience only children can be polar opposites; my cousin, another only, is spoilt and attention-seeking and fits the common stereotype to a T.

I'm the eldest of three. My sister is thirteen years younger. We are best friends and we're also close with our brother, the middle one just four years younger than me. Now we're all older and our children all grown and flown the nest, we wouldn't have it any other way. We are probably closer now than we have ever been. So glad I have siblings.

According to their memories my sisters were not brought up in the same house as me and sometimes I wonder if it was the same planet. When I contradicted one of them she broke down and wept and saidnI had false memory

I'm an only child. Never bothered me- my Mum was very young when she had me & they never wanted another one although I think Dad would have loved a son on the quiet- I never wanted to learn how to mend cars strangely!
I think Mum being young & still happy to 'play' was useful & my GP's garden backed n to ours so I had them on tap too.The really important thing there was a girl living opposite us & we were friends from a very early age (& still are!!). The beauty of this was we never fell out as if we started arguing one of us was sent home. Her older brother was a pain so she spent a lot of time with us & came on holiday with us too sometimes. I have always looked on her as my unofficial sister.
My parents parted when I was about 16 & I really noticed it when my parents died- my mum at 59 with no warning at all & living a long way from us by then. I felt I had no-one to share the grief with although my friend had also lost her Mum a few years before. She had married a man with 4 children much younger than me & they took over & I let them. My father married a woman 5 years older than me & they lived quite close by & she took over when he passed. I think if I had had siblings I would have stood up to them & said what I felt about funeral plans etc.
I had to ask my DH is I was independant as I've never really thought about it- apparently I am!I would have said I was self sufficient. I do make quite close friends with other women & I enjoy company but I also need my own space & get quite stroppy if I don't get it.
Having seen the problems my DH & friends have had with their siblings over the years I think I am very lucky!You chose your friends but you can't choose your family.
However I had 2 children & I am very glad my 6 DGC have each other & are very close.

For various reasons I, sadly, no longer have contact with my only sibling.We were always chalk and cheese, and each of us felt the other was favoured. Our mother in later life stated that the happiest times of her life were before we children were born and then again after we left home, and she had our Dad to herself. (I would like to point out though that neither of us got into any kind of trouble and, whatever our differences, both have lived reasonably responsible and independent lives!)

However, it still concerns me that my daughter and her husband will never be able to have a second child. This is mainly, as others have mentioned, because of 1)the responsibility and perhaps grief GC will have to bear alone in later years when they become old,perhaps frail, and later die. It is also because 2)in spite of parental efforts to instil consideration for others, she will not have to learn to share in quite the same way as she might otherwise have to do.

Any tips from the rest of you on either issue?

I am an only child although I had a sister who died before I was born. I've never missed siblings and have always been happy with my own company. I've always been fairly independent and never been one to follow the crowd if I didn't want to. I have friends but I think I'd have to be in really dire straits to ask for help as I hate being beholden to anyone. I love DH but he is the middle of 3 and more family orientated than I am and it took him a while to appreciate that I like being on my own at times. I love my children and GC but in short bursts. My mother was an only child and I thought my father was for many years until we discovered otherwise. My mother was both dependent and independent; my father was independent and I'm a lot like him. I do wonder sometimes what my sister would have been like - but I've been quite happy coping in my own way through life.

I was an only child and cannot imagine what it would have been like to have siblngs.I wanted for nothing ie new clothes, toys, books new bike, holidays etc a wedding with nothing spared. You name it I could have it.Every thing but affection.Parents had a great social life ie my mother enjoyed giving dinner parties
Apart from school and then in adult life I never socialised meeting my husband like myself 'an only' thorough business connections.I find it difficult even now in later life to accept help. I refuse any social activities feeling like a fish out of water. I am once again the child with her books and toys.