Gransnet forums

Chat

By request, The Annual Christmas Ritual of Cursing the Gammon!

(63 Posts)
phoenix Fri 23-Dec-16 10:02:00

Start by getting out all of your biggest pans and finding that none of them is quite the right size/shape for the meat. Apply your first curse. Then you set it to boil on your newly cleaned hob, and wait for the spitting and splashing to begin. You can now curse again, even if you haven't rolled a 6.

You then realise that you forgot to make a note of the weight for timing purposes. Rummage in the bin for the wrapper and miss two goes. Now experiment with different positions for the lid in an attempt to minimise the splashing. Have another curse when you realise that none of the positions works. Say to anyone within earshot that it's the same every year, and why on earth didn't they remind you of that when you bought it. (Deflecting blame earns you an extra 10 points and a small sherry).

Realise that you forgot to set the timer, and try to estimate how long it has been boiling so far. Don't worry too much about accuracy; you are bound to be wrong. Apply an extra 30 minutes to be on the safe side, miss one go and have a sherry. After an appropriate length of time, drain and leave to cool. Award extra points if all of the water goes down the sink, but miss 2 sherries if any goes either on the draining board or your feet.

Cover with something to protect from cats (extra points available if a colander will actually fit over it, but deductions if you have to deploy either a tea towel or tin foil).

Apply final curse and enjoy.

Blinko Sat 24-Dec-16 09:16:19

Ha ha, great post, Phoenix. We're going out for lunch with friends on Christmas Day and again on Boxing Day. Yippee! tchgrin

Shazmo24 Sat 24-Dec-16 09:10:38

Always do mine in slow cooker (with cola or ginger beer) & finish off in oven with a glaze of honey mustard & brown sugar...very easy & no cursing

Deedaa Fri 23-Dec-16 22:44:00

Well the gammon fitted the pan nicely and the lid fitted too. Left it to simmer while I wrapped the last presents and it was quite a long time before I noticed the timer had stopped! Still it didn't seem over done and nobody will notice tomorrow will they?

downtoearth Fri 23-Dec-16 22:03:28

Another Slo cooker here just removed from freezer to cook tomorrow.....

Crafting Fri 23-Dec-16 21:55:19

Oh daphne, how could you tchshock. Now you have to go without the trauma excitement of cooking it. You will miss out on the cursing and the washing up the thrill of home cooking and the complaints praise from the family. Really how lazy!
#boughtminefromwaitrosetoo tchgrin

DaphneBroon Fri 23-Dec-16 19:54:42

I have to admit to buying a ready cooked and glazed one from that nice Mr Waitrose in an attack of panic and self-doubt. blush

DaphneBroon Fri 23-Dec-16 19:53:21

Ham stock will be lovely for lentil or split pea soup in January AND feel suitably frugal!

watermeadow Fri 23-Dec-16 19:25:33

I wanted gammon from a local farm but they were all small. I've only got 2 adults and 2 small children to eat it (several vegetarians) so decided to just get the 2kg one. It looks pathetic. Should I get another tomorrow?

grannylyn65 Fri 23-Dec-16 18:47:21

?

Jalima Fri 23-Dec-16 15:10:44

DH says that it was the smallest the butcher had in the shop tchhmm

have tried the coca cola, the treacle, the ham and mustard studded with cloves, simmering, part simmering/baking or just baking in foil over the years. Got told off one year by MIL for putting an onion, a carrot, bay leaves and peppercorns in the simmering water.

It won't fit in the slow cooker (even though he says it was the smallest in the shop!!)

ooh, apple juice, I could try that this year

Meanwhile it's still in the fridge and I'm going out.

ninathenana Fri 23-Dec-16 14:58:18

merlot How dumb am I. I always make stew with turkey carcas and any thing to hand. I've never kept stock from ham for this.
Would it keep in the fridge for few days ?

Greyduster Fri 23-Dec-16 14:17:50

Well here's a curse for thinking I could get the smaller of the two hams into my large slow cooker!! B**@@!!! **s! Oven then! Onward and upward....

Stansgran Fri 23-Dec-16 13:58:31

I ordered one from Dukeshill. Do so every year. Is there a terribly smug emoticon ?

merlotgran Fri 23-Dec-16 13:37:20

Well, I've managed to complete the boiling without any curses so I've rewarded myself with a small large sherry.

I now have a large jug of ham stock to deal with and a freezer which is full to bursting so many curses while I dig out some shallow rectangle plastic continers (the kind you get with a Chinese takeaway) and try to ram them into various crevices.

DH is telling me to just pour it down the sink but my frugal upbringing will NOT allow me to waste all that yummy goodness for making future soups.

Greyduster Fri 23-Dec-16 13:32:30

I am doing two this year - one for us and one for DD. I'm cursing myself for thinking that was a good idea! I will put hers in the slow cooker but will have to braise mine in the oven as it won't fit anywhere else. I don't soak mine either.

Rinouchka Fri 23-Dec-16 13:31:51

Will cook Nigella's Coca Cola Gammon tomorrow. Tried it last weekend with half sized joint and guests loved it so will do twice as much. I will only curse it if it turns out horrible, phoenix in honour of my convent girl beginnings. (I am vegetarian but the men in the family love all things to emanate from a pig!)

shysal Fri 23-Dec-16 13:23:24

Another slow cooker fan here, I buy a joint the same size and shape as the pot. Cook on low heat all day or night whatever the weight. Simples!

cornergran Fri 23-Dec-16 13:15:26

Slow cooker while I drink the sherry tchgrin.

baubles Fri 23-Dec-16 12:55:04

I'm doing two as usual, one for Christmas Day at DD's and one for Boxing Day at home.

Soak, boil, drain, derind, score, glaze, roast, aaaand repeat.

I love it really. tchgrin

ninathenana Fri 23-Dec-16 12:53:08

I've read you no longer need to soak the joint due to the preperation method changing. I haven't soaked mine for a few years now.
I have never baked mine, I just simmer in water for 2-3 hrs. I did use the Nigella Coca cola method one year but couldn't taste the difference. However, this year D's SO wants to honey glaze and roast it after. I'm letting him get on with it tchsmile

BBbevan Fri 23-Dec-16 12:44:05

And when you have done all that you have to remove the skin , score the fat in lovely diamond shapes. Put in the cloves. Brush on something sticky and bake. Havn't even defrosted yet. Hey ho ???

kittylester Fri 23-Dec-16 11:56:34

You are right, phoenix, we need this to start off Christmas!tchgrin

Izabella Fri 23-Dec-16 11:51:24

I'm with Luckygirl on this one. No brainer.

phoenix Fri 23-Dec-16 11:45:43

Hello all!

That was actually written and posted on GN many years ago, I now bung it in the slow cooker, but still forget to time it properly tchblush

rosesarered Fri 23-Dec-16 11:40:18

Am doing a smaller one on Boxing Day.No soaking, it goes into an enamel casserole long dish with lid, some water and apple juice and a sprinkle of herbs.Into oven to cook, and that's it.
However Phoenix if the annual cursing is a happy ritual for you, don't use any other method.tchgrin ?Cheers! I always use wine when I cook, sometimes it even goes into the food.