Presents for grandchildren rejected

It's Christmas! If you can't spoil your grand-children at this time, when can you? I think your family were totally out of order to say what they did. It's rude, ungrateful and hurtful. They should apologise, not you.

Happy New Year, Happygran. x

I think the son behaved outrageously,it's up to you how much you spend and how many presents you give them surely.sounds to me as if they have weird ideas anyway generally re not being taught to say Thankyou etc for presents.I think I'd speak to the son before next Xmas saying roughly what you'd like to give them or like someone else said give money but I certainly wouldn't be dictated to and much more f that sort of thing I'd tell him where to stick it and just put the money into a savings account to have when they are older but make sure there's a note with it for the kids to read if your not around then.so they understand why they didn't get presents when younger.

It's made far more difficult as you have their cousins opening stuff at the same time I agree.
I don't think 8 gifts is excessive at all ,it's not like you are giving them 8 X boxes etc !!just small presents.

A lot depends on how many grandchildren one has because obviously if like me you only have one so far you'd be able to spend more on that one than a work colleague of mine who has 18!!!!

It is so easy to get carried away at Christmas and maybe 8 presents plus money and outings is a lot for young children, but your son could have dealt with this issue in a kinder way. Don't overreact happy gran. Next Christmas is a long way off.

I stopped the stockings for my grown up children a few years ago and have never done stockings for my GC.this I feel is something,their parents enjoy doing. I usually buy three pressies for everyone with one main present and two about £15 each.

Don't let this incident spoil your lovely relationship with your GC or son. And put the money you save towards a treat for yourself.

As ive said before, many times with sons its always a minefield. Mostly because of the DIL wanting her own way all of the time.And the son just gives in for a quite life.Ive two sons and no daughters.Only my eldest DS is married and has 3 sons.Thankfully although ive gone overboard in the pastBuying expensive presents we just font have the money now.And i do think 8 presnents per child is too much.I still spend £40or 50 each per grandchild for xmas and a bit less for birthdays.I do consult with the parents as the children have so much i dont want to duplicate.This xmas went really well.But in the past ive had my son on the phone complaining and him being very rude just becsuse i gave my eldest DGC afew snall family photos.As i said its a minefield these days.Happy gran i no how you feel .Ive been in that poistion.But things have been slowly improving with my dil .Especially since she had her third baby son in november.Good luck hsppy gran ?

Just tell your son to get over himself! In my opinion he has over reacted by saying you spoiled Xmas. Obviously he has no problem with spoiling yours! A quiet word would have been the adult thing to do. I agree with previous posts that you should give him money and tell him to get on with it next Xmas.

I know how you feel as I have done the same thing to I had a big scare this year and did not think I would be here for it this year so bought far too much my children were not happy

As GP's I think our best gifts are our time and the making of happy
memories. I am very sorry for OP's sadness, and think the situation was handled very insensitively by her son.

Takingthemick. I wholeheartedly agree with what you say about this generation, the 30/40 something!. Their lack of good manners, their fowl language their 'we know better than you about almost everything' and of course their parenting skills??.

Happygran. Take a step back and let the dust settle. I suspect this is not intirely all about the Christmas presents as I suspect there's more going on in the relationship with your DS and DDiL. Time to have a " heart to heart" and listen!.

Very harsh of your son and dil. I would not worry just put allocated sum of money into a moneywallet each for them from now on. My mum used to send a cheque to my brother/ sister in law to buy presnts for the 3 grandchildren as she would buy want they wanted. Only to find out by accident via grown up grandchild by then, they never got any presents from nan. Sister in law kept money for herself.

I'm with you Jainesworth. Good to hear of parents who don't want their children to be spoiled by over abundance in what has become a glut fest. In our family we liaise over gift giving beforehand. I am saddened to see children tearing into gifts and tossing them aside in order to tear into the next one. This year Father Christmas came early to my flat and left two small gifts each for the little ones. They loved them, and really played with them, before going home for the main event. I'm beginning to hate this consumer mad society. Just call me Grandma Scrooge!

Well I think they are being very ungrateful! It's about giving and the love and pleasure us GPS get from giving. I have 9 Grandsons and spend roughly the same on each. If any of my Daughters were that rude I would be mortified. My sympathies to you xx

Happygran1964 - I was bemoaning the fact that the piles of plastic bags filled to the brim with presents, with a nominated place for the children to find them, was over now that they are older....I dread to think what your DS would have made of that. His reaction seems to go along with the unusual parenting ideas, latter day hippy type.
I have 7 grandchildren, who have ages ranging from 26 down to 10..I gave the older ones gift vouchers but with small stocking fillers (maybe more for me than them) to open on Christmas morning. The younger ones I had spent exactly the same amount of money on each, but never in my time have they been rationed to the amount of gifts I have been allowed to give.
If your DS and his wife feel so strongly I suggest that they do not give presents ever again but donate the equivalent amount of money to a charity chosen by the children....my 11 year granddaughter did this at Christmas, so she had no presents at all, but made a donation to a charity for the homeless, and all this whilst her sister opened her presents, I was amazed but extremely proud, so maybe this approach might help

No, not metaphorically. I would have been furious with him AND given him a clip round the ear next time I saw him. I gave my grandchildren 3 gifts each, not expensive because I can't afford it . It's lovely for children to have a few to open and not just one. I am always frightened that I haven't given enough .

How ungrateful. This 'spoiling' thing is such a minefield. Surely if children are demanding, aggressive, whining for stuff that parents can't afford and then get everything they want, that is spoiling them. I can never see how giving children things they want and are thrilled to receive is going to 'spoil' anything. If they are brought up to understand that there are plenty of people in this world not so fortunate or lucky and they thank people properly for gifts, then what is the harm in giving them little extras - and 'Playdoh' for goodness sake? It's hardly lavish spending, and the children are kept occupied during Christmas Day by such presents.

If your son has told you that you have 'ruined their Christmas' by buying the children too many gifts, then I would start wondering what is wrong in this house - this is totally out of proportion and they sound like a couple with problems. If they are lashing out at you perhaps they have not had a happy time for other reasons and then decided that you are the hook to hang the blame on. Sorry that you are so upset - I don't think it is your fault at all.

You are not a bad gran because someone else's thought differ from yours.

They could have held back a couple of bits for another time, that choice was theirs.

So many people now want to seize some moral high ground about sweets or treats of gifts or traditions, it is just rude for them to behave like this.

Everyone has to accept that their views may be different to those of others and to act with good grace and good manners.

Don't judge yourself by their silly standards. If they felt they or other family members could not compete with your largesse then they had opportunity to thank you and ask could they pace things a bit and hold some back........they are bullies.

Just as people who want free child care on their own terms are bullies, depriving others of pleasure by curtailing all treats while they are in charge of the kids.

You deserve respect for buying gifts and thanks.

sorry, very new to this ... Rubylady - what does MN and NC mean?

Serves you right at your age you should have known better. 8 presents each!!!! What on earth were you thinking and I don't blame the parents for taking you to task. They have their own rules for the children which you disregarded so you'll know for next time. And if you think I'm being unsympathetic, I am. You went out of your way to spoil them both rotten and it backfired.

My son and DiL don't understand the concept of too many presents at Christmas or birthdays. As a result we have gradually cut down on what we buy the GC because they get so many presents. I buy them books throughout the year. They know they can always ask me to buy them the next in the series they are reading. That's the way I spoil them.
The other grandparents always buy the children big presents but never ask what they want. As a result they moan for the rest of the year about the presents being unopened.

I agree Ruby !! Especially with your first line about walking on eggshells !

I'm lucky , that's not how it is in our family but I feel for those who it applies to.

I think 8 presents on top of money is excessive but I think it's extremely rude of your son to upset you like that. Surely he could just have given them one or two of the presents and kept the rest hidden for another occasion? I should sent a personal card with cash or gift voucher to the children next year explaining that they choose whether to buy a gift or save the money themselves. I also remember feeling belittled by my In- laws as a young mum when they brought lots of gifts for our children (some of which were duplicated as we had already bought the same).

How ungrateful and unkind! My daughter and I did confer as to what to buy the three granddaughters for Christmas, but I bought several extra bits and pieces which my daughter has thanked me for. I really feel for you. Some people just have the knack of sucking the joy out of life! X

I have 4 grandchildren. The 2 in NZ were sent money to pay for their wetsuits (they live on a boat). The 2 here have 2 presents each. We will see them tomorrow. The daughters have one big present and some small silly things. I suppose we all think the way we do things is the right and normal way, so to me 8 presents seems excessive unless they were small stocking fillers. But there are ways and ways of dealing with things and it was very wrong of your son to upset you and say something so silly.Perhaps he should have thanked you and later in the year had a quiet word asking you to dial it down a bit next year.Generosity should never be met with cruelty.

I am withyou gillybob.We buy whatever we like and however much we like for the grandchildren and our DD and SiL are more than grateful.

Maybe. I am just very lucky indeed but neither my DS or DDiL have ever dictated what I can and can't do with the DGC, give to them, feed them, buy them, etc.

Christmas Day in our family is ALL about the children. Watching them opening their presents with so much excitement and anticipation. Grinning from ear to ear when they see what's inside, then getting down on the floor and playing with them.

We laughed on Christmas morning when DDiL said to DGS (6) " mind you, remember that one present will be taken away for every sprout you leave on your plate" and DGS replied "well you can put 100 sprouts on my plate cos I love sprouts and I'm keeping all my presents"

Happygran I would have been devastated by that remark from my son. OTT and just pain rude. What is it with our generation? I felt I was ruled by the older generation and now ruled by the younger generation. What is going on? Life feels like a s..t sandwich with us in the middle desperately trying to do our best for our ungrateful disrespectful offspring.