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Presents for grandchildren rejected

(358 Posts)
Happygran1964 Tue 27-Dec-16 14:53:35

Hi everyone! Just on here for s moan really as my eldest son has just phoned me and made me cry because I ruined their Christmas by buying too much for my grandson and granddaughter. I only bought 8 presents each but my son and daughter in law are very controlling with their children and want to approve every present in advance, this year I bought a few extra presents spontaneously and you would think I bought them drugs or something, not Lego and playdough! Feeling really crap now.

Jane10 Tue 27-Dec-16 15:04:21


janeainsworth Tue 27-Dec-16 15:10:13

Oh dear Happygran.
I don't want to add to your misery, but perhaps you could try seeing things from your DS and DiL's point of view.
Perhaps they worry that their children are 'spoilt' with too many material possessions.
Perhaps they don't have space in their house for all the stuff you give them.
Perhaps DiL's mother feels she can't compete with you and feels lessened by your largesse.
Perhaps they would rather have had the money to put into a savings account for the GCs, for something the GCs might want or need in the future, like travelling or a university education.
Perhaps they are not controlling at all, but just want to feel that their values regarding their children's upbringing are being respected by you.
Perhaps you'd better get on the phone and apologise.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but if I was your DiL I'd be livid.

Elrel Tue 27-Dec-16 15:20:06

If DiL was that bothered she could have censored the presents herself beforehand and just dished out the amount she approved. The others could have come out later on. Concentrate on the fact that your GC probably love the gifts you chose for them and will have no idea that granny goofed.
Son may have found that phone call hard to make, did the words 'thank you' get included at all? Personally I think they should have been.

Happygran1964 Tue 27-Dec-16 15:22:00

Sorry Jane but you are way off the mark. Eight small presents is hardly spoiling them, I bought more for my other grandchildren with no problems at all from my other children. You know nothing about my son and dil and believe me they control every aspect of my grandchildrens' loves to the point of not sending them to school as they don't want teachers to impose any form of discipline and they tell my grandchildren that they don't need to say please and thank you if they don't want to! They have a large house by the way.

Thanks for your opinion though.

f77ms Tue 27-Dec-16 15:23:20

Happygran I don`t think it unreasonable to buy as many presents as you wish for your GC providing they are not very expensive . Since when have parents vetted presents bought for their children? I don`t think you should apologise at all . I am sorry you have been upset by your Son , he sounds a bit odd to react in that way but it takes all sorts I suppose . I wouldn`t buy anything next year , just send some money to your Son and ask him to buy something pre approved for his children . He is in for a rude awakening when they are older , this much control can backfire grin

Happygran1964 Tue 27-Dec-16 15:24:23

Hi Elrel.

No thanks at all, not even for the bag of presents I gave to son and dil themselves.

I had already given money to my grandson and granddaughter but gave a few extra presents because my daughter was here with my other two granddaughters and I just wanted them all to have the same amount of presents to open!

Ana Tue 27-Dec-16 15:25:13

Well, if that's the case, I'm surprised that you're surprised by your DIL's reaction, Happygran! confused

Happygran1964 Tue 27-Dec-16 15:25:43

Thank you f77ms. Much appreciated. 🙂

Happygran1964 Tue 27-Dec-16 15:26:16

Ana I don't know what you mean?

Ana Tue 27-Dec-16 15:26:58

(Although I agree it's a bit OTT if your son to said that you 'ruined' their Christmas!)

Happygran1964 Tue 27-Dec-16 15:27:53


Do you mean you think I bought too much?

Ana Tue 27-Dec-16 15:29:12

I mean that if you know your son and DIL are so controlling, surely you might have known how they'd react to your giving their children 8 presents each. What's happened in past years, and at birthdays etc?

Antonia Tue 27-Dec-16 15:32:04

Happygran, I am sorry that you have been upset. IMHO, your son was out of order ringing you to complain, after you had kindly bought gifts for the children. The parents should have rationed them and let the children open them at intervals, if he felt that they were receiving too much at one go. And as Eirel said, I hope you were thanked for your gifts. How ungrateful can anyone be!

Happygran1964 Tue 27-Dec-16 15:33:35

I don't see 8 presents as excessive. That's nothing for me lol. No one else has a problem with it. How could I give more to my other grandchildren and not them? Damned either way!

f77ms Tue 27-Dec-16 15:34:19

I bought my 3 about 8 presents each but they were all small inexpensive things bought over the year when I saw interesting things I thought they would like . It is very cruel to be nasty to your Mother whatever the circumstances , he needs a clip round the ear ( as my Mum would have said) metaphorically speaking that is !

Happygran1964 Tue 27-Dec-16 15:34:49

Thank you Anyonia. I just feel like an awful gran now and all I wanted to do was make everyone happy.

Happygran1964 Tue 27-Dec-16 15:35:05

Sorry I meant Antonia.

thatbags Tue 27-Dec-16 15:35:40

Eight each in addition to some money is a lot. Kids do get over-excited and unmanageable sometimes (possibly what 'ruined' the day) and an excess of presents won't help. Maybe some money and one gift each next year? I can imagine parents not wanting their kids to get used to the idea of being showered with gifts every Christmas.

Happygran1964 Tue 27-Dec-16 15:36:12

Lol. That made me laugh f x

Happygran1964 Tue 27-Dec-16 15:38:10

You could be right thatbags, I am a big, over excitable kid at Christmas time. I just love family and making them happy, trying to anyway.

Lillie Tue 27-Dec-16 15:40:01

Fair enough when they're in their own house and want to have their own rules, but when they come to your house Happygran for Christmas with other family members present they should be gracious and grateful. I think your DS was out of order to have a go at you.

Happygran1964 Tue 27-Dec-16 15:41:31

Thank you Lillie

thatbags Tue 27-Dec-16 15:41:37

It sounds as if your showering those particular grandchildren with gifts is not making their parents happy.

Happygran1964 Tue 27-Dec-16 15:42:13

To be honest thatbags it's hard to know what makes them happy sometimes.