Presents for grandchildren rejected

Exactly gillybob,mine played all day,gave us a lot of pleasure,spoilt yes,but only at Christmas and birthdays.

I would never give money to a young child fro Christmas. Santa Claus does not carry money in his sleigh.

I am totally with you Happygran1964 .

We love buying presents for the 3 DGC (they are siblings) . We buy whatever we want to and however many we want to (all age appropriate ) and we get so much pleasure from giving. Christmas and Santa is all about children. Some of the toys our DGC get will come back to our house anyway as they do spend a lot of time here.

Why would parents be controlling so as to deprive their own children of a few small gifts? I don't get it.

rubylady,well said,but you know,as I've said before I hail from a very large extended family,and I've never heard of most of the gripes we discuss here,yes the kids are spoilt rotten at Christmas,but then most kids are today,the stocking with the apple orange and nuts is definitely gone with the wind.But most of the kids in my family are well mannered nice natured and clever.They don't have to be anything else do they.It may be something to do with the fact they are always put before careers and social life.

I think Antonia hit the nail on the head when she said your son ought not to have handled the situation as he did. He should have left things as they are then next year quietly suggested you buy less.

It has spoilt your joy in giving Happy and left a bad feeling with you over Christmas.

I gave my GC money and a mixed box of crap stocking fillers and useful things like pencils, socks and bubble bath. They loved the crap cheap stocking fillers best of course!

My sister in law used to buy too many presents for our children when they were little. She would arrive with a big bag for each of them. It was motivated by love and I would say thank you. However they couldn't really afford it and the gifts were poor quality toys which easily broke. I didn't like it at all. I suggested before the next Christmas to keep presents small please. Fortunately SIL was not offended at all.

What is it with walking on eggshells with this generation? My goodness, my mum wouldn't have thought at all about telling my grandma off for buying too much, it's ridiculous. Maybe they will be happy when no one buys presents for these innocent children.

And isn't that supposed to be one of the pleasures of having GC, going out and picking something that they would love for Christmas and birthdays, not just give money to a parent who gets to choose? If you know your GC well enough to know what they would like, then I don't see a problem with you choosing, just cut down on the amount and maybe make up the cost with a more expensive present so all GC get the same amount in money but less to open.

Parents these days need to get real though in my opinion, they want to call all the shots and it should take a village to bring up a child, not just two people. The comments on MN are terrible, threatening to go NC at the slightest thing. They do not know what they do. I'd have hated not to have had my grandparents in my life and my grandad said some things which parents now would certainly go NC with him. I just took it as character forming, I still loved him, regardless, harmless ribbing.

Is it because both parents work? Do they feel more guilty and therefore try to compensate by being overprotective? They need to loosen the apron strings and lessen the guilt. If they have to work, they have to work. But let the kids breathe for goodness sake.

Reading back through the threads, Luckygirl said it perfectly. I think it is not part of our job to steal the thunder of our children - it is their turn to fill the stockings, we have had our turn.

Faye, have you ever seen a child that has been brought up not to say please or thank you? Or to accept a gift(s) with appreciation and good grace? I personally prefer a polite child who is spoilt for one day a year to a child who's parents consider good manners an option.

If I was the parent I would not want my child to receive eight presents from their GPs. Its far too much, fills up their room with too much stuff and don't forget you are probably not the only relative or friend giving to your grandchildren.

Have you ever seen a spoilt child with glazed over eyes, unwrapping countless presents. It's not a good look.

You could ask your GC or their parents what they would like and instead of buying eight gifts for each child buy one of equal value that the child wants. I am sure your son and DIL would be much happier. Best wishes, I hope you sort it out.

Happygran no one should make you feel bad for sharing your happiness least of all your son, very bad mannered. Unfortunately you can not make others feel your happiness if they are determined on a certain course, from what you say above I do not think you will change the parents, the only way you can make things equal with other grandchildren is to perhaps put money away to give them on their 18 birthday when they can be in control of their own lives.

Your son no longer shares your views, it is very sad and can be upsetting, to save yourself pain can you come to an agreement about future present giving when you get the opportunity.

I totally agree Bobby.. I'm new to Gransnet and don't usually comment. Have to say that, reasoned opinions aside, some of the cold, inconsiderate, subjective comments at the start of this thread unnerved me.. Berating a gran for buying too many gifts and at the same time ignoring the rude, dare I say cruel, comments from the son??? Yes we need to respect our children's role as parents.. By the same token grandparents deserve respect too... Disgraceful behaviour and I feel sorry for the children being raised by such rude parents.

I think your son was totally OTT to say your generosity had ruined their Christmas.
I would have been upset too!

Sorry for the typo errors.. More a talker than a typer.. Also using phone so letters very small ?

My pleasure Happy.. Next year do what they want. They're the parents after all.. But please don't feel bad or take heed of some of the sanctimonious stuff on this thread. You're a loving grandparent.. You didn't want to differentiate between your grandchildren.. You bought them EIGHT presents each.. From what I can tell (even given the 'telling off') they were modest presents.. At the end of the day we are granparents and we love our grandchildren. I think your son was wrong, in no uncertain terms, of accusing you of ruining christmas.. Protect yourself next year.. Give the parents money instead.. My feeling is, and it's only a feeling, not letting these children attend school etc etc will, in the long term, do much more harm than a loving (overindulgent??) grandmother... Pour youseld a glass (or cuppa) and breathe easy xx

Sounds the perfect solution esspee. Thank you. X

I know that my DIL has strong feelings about what is acceptable as gifts for my granddaughters. I therefore give money, my son buys them a suitable gift each that he knows they will love and wraps it up with a tag from grandma. This year they both received fairy wings and showed them off to me on FaceTime, their joy was delightful when they thanked me for them and the dance lessons the rest of the money has been put towards.
Perhaps that would work for you OP.

All that and not even a thank you? Something radically wrong I think,
Another one of those situations where you just have to let it go.Smile and be polite [even if they're not] then go home and let them get on with it.I doubt the kids will be very likeable.
Sorry I know it's not what you want to hear.

If the parents have asked you to give money then, yes, just do that.

Thanks for your support Karen

Maggiemaybe.. It wasn't dismissive because, at that point in the thread, she hadn't aactually read the thread.. Maybe time for some logic... With respect.

They may think you have ruined their Christmas, but your son and DIL have ruined the children's Christmas by making such a fuss about their presents. If they thought you had bought too much the obvious thing to do was to put some away and bring them out another time. My children often ration some of their children's presents if they feel they've had enough. There's no need to be unpleasant and rude about it. Presumably the children won't be made to send thankyou letters.

Next year I would give them a (small) cheque and tell them to buy something "suitable"

That Bags.. You're not going to hear the sons version on Gransntet are you? So no need for you to come to any conclusion.

They even told my sister off for buying the children a sticker book each!

But that's what they have asked me to do! I can't win can I?