Presents for grandchildren rejected

How bloody ungrateful of them! They don't deserve you. Don't let them get you down. Next year and on their birthdays ask them what you are ALLOWED to give. Put some money in an account for the grandchildren and give it to them when they are eighteen. I speak from experience. Also: I met a grandmother the other day who said that she was kept from her grandchildren while they were growing up but her grandson (19) now lives with her because he can't stand the controlling parents! Justice will out.

Stacks of gifts at a time of year when children already receive lots..... in a nutshell, buying 8 ( or even more) Christmas presents, is the classic 'Look who loves you more than anyone else (especially your 'other' GPs) '.
As I remarked further up- thread, I bought my only GC one present, a Next Christmas sweater. He doesn't ask for high-end trending presents.... and he doesn't get them. This stupid competitiveness from grandparents really is quite nauseating. And for those posters who state that buying presents for their grandchildren is their main pleasure in life I would say 'You need to take a good look at your life overall. ' Take up a hobby or buy a dog.
One thing does stand out in the OP. ' It ruined my Christmas' . I do hope nothing as trivial as a bereavement, news of a terminal illness, or redundancy ruins future Christmasses for you. How will you cope?

Very interesting thread this and I have learnt a bit about being a gran at Christmas time. We must remember that most of us are very fortunate to have children who let us share in the lives of our very dear GC. They grow up so quickly - as did our own DC. We have to respect our DCs wishes and keep to their boundaries - most of the time!! Just because we are grans does not give us the right to spoil our GC or try to outdo parents or other GPs.

He should certainly not have told you in that way. There is no need to be rude. I do wonder about this idea that it is a grandmother's prerogative to overindulge - I agree that treats here and there fall within this category and should be enjoyed, not criticised, but giving stacks of gifts at a time of year when children already receive lots? It's just my view but children often can't cope with huge piles of presents. They immediately forget what they have been given and move on to the next parcel. A couple of presents would be fine. It doesn't demonstrate that you love them more or less or anything like that. Having quality time with them and avoiding arguments with your own children would seem preferable.

I have a friend who likes to give her DGC sweeties and cakes when she sees them, including the youngest who is 6 months old.

Her DCs tolerate it but it is clear (I have met them) that they actually find it a bit annoying that she regularly does this, and they do comment that they wish she wouldn't.
(The 6-mth-old's Mum was quite vociferous about No Sweets recently, when he arrived for a couple of hours of baby-sitting, and my friend commented to me how 'good' she was being by not giving him any.)

Maybe the OP's situation is similar and the parents have tried to hint or suggest that she gives fewer presents but the message hasn't got through.

As others said, there are 2 sides to this and we have only heard 1 side.

For Teddy.. Yes, you're right. First alternative thread I looked at... BULLIES.. Same names, same nasty and intimidating stance. In no way level headed, reasoned or even handed. .I'm getting off this site for a while. It's leaving a nasty taste in my mouth.

Also: the environment! What kinda environment are we leaving these kids if people who love them are buying them eight new gifts at a time?

It does make my heart sink if there's a massive pile from one person under the tree. This year someone did that and all of their presents took up one side of the tree, and EVERYONE else's were on the other side. It was a bit grotesque. Especially as they were from someone who claims to be really into "nature"

Another thing that'ld irk me about that many presents: if the kids get more than they'll enjoy/use I can't help but think about the activities/experiences that the money (wasted) spent on all the presents would have bought them.

I'ld never demand money as gifts or contributions to extra curricular activities, but I do think it's sad when they've got too many presents yet we have to cut out a weekly lesson that they enjoy next term because we can't afford it.

I wouldn't act on it. But I do hate if someone over-buys for the kids. I see no benefit to the kids when someone does that. The kids'll just zone in on one of the gifts and ignore the other 7, and some will never even have the boxes opened!

I don't like multiple presents. I think one per person is better because A. the kids actually remember who gave them what. B. They actually ENJOY what they get, if it's a big pile they just get in an unwrapping frenzy and the toys just become a mass of "stuff". C. nobody is overshadowed, i.e. if aunty X gave 1 and aunty Y gave 10 then aunty Xs stuff gets drowned out. D. its just wasteful, beyond a certain number of presents the children don't enjoy themselves any more.

I wouldn't like my kids to get 8 presents from one person, imagine if all extended family did that? it'ld get riduculous and half of it would end up un-used and in a charity shop by March!

I would however thank you, and get the kids to thank you, but I'ld have a rant to DH about it out of the kids earshot and maybe drop hints about quality not quantity next year.

Thanks Teddy... I was feeling quite disconcerted because I believe that my comments were measured and reasonable. I also felt ever so slightly ganged up on.. Promise I won't be intimidated though. Going to have a look at some other threads now ?

I really appreciated your support and hope there aren't any repercussions for you.

Karen.

A bit biased Teddy123? I too have recognised some names and know them to be level headed, sensible and even handed posters.
That doesn't sound quite like what you said, but the words intimidated, sarcastic and nasty ( shades of Donald Trump! ) are surely unnecessary an over reaction?

Thanks Daphne for that kind, considered advice. I have read through a few threads and will take a look at some others. I still maintain that there is no need for people to be uppity, especially when dealing with somebody who may be feeling very upset (The OP?) Nevertheless, I will tread a little more carefully in future.

Thanks again

Karen

Karen1959 - just to say don't be intimidated by those who were trying to be argumentative in response to your totally reasonable comments.

I've noticed a couple of their names on here before and it seems they enjoy being nasty, sarcastic etc.

This is an open forum. I really enjoy reading other people's 'takes' on different subjects but think those 3 could try the following ???

I would not rush into assuming the existence of cliques just because some people agree on this topic. From experience members can agree on one thread and disagree equally vociferously on another.
There will be (not saying this is you) accusations of cliques and bullying when some people find the majority disagree with them, but as long as it is the argument or opinion that is being criticised, not the person, good temper and equanimity can be restored perfectly easily.
You say you are newish Karen1959, have you read through (m) any other threads?

Crikey Daphne, I wouldn't dare ? I'm new to this and seem to have already upset a little clique.. Oh Dear, I don't know how to cross that out so am surely done for now?

Seriously though, I'm not looking for confrontation. I embrace people having different opinions and having the freedom to express them.. But opinions can be expressed kindly and not in an uppity way.. Take a look at the first few pages on this thread and you'll get my drift (smiley Santa)

Oh dear - what an interesting range of opinions! Several posters have reminded us that many parents and grandparents have different opinions and parenting styles. so, surely the important thing here is to keep the lines of communication open and relationships in tact. Personally I do consult over birthday and Xmas presents because my work takes me to different countries, sometimes for two years at a time, and therefore am not always aware of what is currently "trending", needed or wanted, despite Skype. Because my own mother didn't respect my parenting style, as a vegetarian, I made a decision to respect my dils & ds parenting styles. Despite finding one of my dils difficult at times (she has suffered from depression since birth of first child) this seems to work. It doesn't really conflict with my desire to express my love for my dgc.

My heart goes out to you happygran, but try not to lose perspective (even if you feel others do) and carry on loving them all.

If you know the way your DS is bringing up the children than surely you would have realised that he would not be happy with 8 presents each. Perhaps he thinks you are deliberately trying to undermine him and he has reacted badly because of this. Maybe you need to be more supportive and reassuring. You may get a great deal of pleasure buying for your GCs and you may just want to make them all the same but it would be awful if your DS decided you were a bad influence and stopped you giving anything. iI they want to approve presents they have a perfect right to do so, they are the parents.

grannieannie Sorry, MN is mumsnet, website like this one but for the younger generation. Have a look, very sweary and in my opinion, quite angry too.

NC is no contact (usually between children and grandparents). Quickly said on MN depending how bad a GP (grandparent) has behaved from buying chocolate for said cherubs to serious problems but which could probably be talked out. But they just decide to go NC instead. Very sad. Maybe it's a pack mentality and sheep can't think for themselves?

When people here suggest giving money or putting money into an account, it overlooks the genuine pleasure many of us GPs get shopping for presents for DGC. I love having a reason to go into the children's wear sections or toy shops and choosing things, I'd be upset if my DD tried to stop me giving actual presents. Maybe Happygran feels the same and the comments from her son have affected one of her pleasures in life. Surely there's a compromise somewhere?

Yes, thank you, of course it does.

No Ana. I am not related or the friend of Happygran.. Does that answer your 'perfectly reasonable' question?

Really sad, Happygran1964, that your son chose to phone you so soon after Christmas....bah humbug he is! Not very diplomatic is he? I suggest that next year you ask him for his view on what you should do and abide by him about September time. As someone else says, the children will have their own opionions as they get older and will notice these things. Happy New Year!

I very much agree with f77ms. I think they could have a rude awakening when they become young teenagers. I also had close contact with someone who treated the kids like that with a very strict discipline. As soon as they were old enough they were gone couldn't wait to leave home. I agree it will backfire on them.
Oh well they will live n learn. I would just send your son some money next year for him to do whatever with.

No reply to my perfectly reasonable question, I notice...

Good going Karen1959 that's Jamila, Jane10 and Ana dealt with.
Who's next?
Me please!! .