Gifts for adult children

We have started picking a name from a hat at Christmas and buying a present for just that one person. I hesitate to call it Secret Santa, as we were all in no doubt as to who was buying for us by the time the gifts were handed out, after many hush hush conversations about sizes, preferences, stuff that was out of stock... There's a set amount for these presents. I also do a stocking for any adults staying over on Christmas Eve - nuts, apple, orange, silver coin, chocolate coins, sugar mouse, a book and one token pressie.

For birthdays we get a present from everyone, so exchange wish lists. Very precise ones - I always appreciate a link to the online store! We all know what the approximate spend is, but it's more flexible than at Christmas.

We buy presents as couples, but everyone gets their own gift.

We gave gift cards, jewellery, beer and luxury food that they otherwise wouldn't have bought having four children and a limited budget.

We do secret santa for the adults merely to keep control of the ridiculous spending which goes on at Christmas . Usually a set amount of money and we all make a list . I tend to spend more on birthdays for my adult children . It is my sons birthday on New years eve and I have bought him a signed book by Ray Mears (he loves all that survival stuff) a jellyfish tank- a Japanese concept which is fascinating and not real jellyfish! A vintage mercury thermometer in silvercase from ebay which is just beautiful . A little set of implements to trim beard/eyebrows/nails in a vintage looking tin and some jellytots lol . I have wrapped everything up in black tissue with a black ribbon and I know he will love everything . We tend to spoil each other on birthdays because we don`t at Christmas .

We buy joint presents for the couple at Christmas and, obviously, individual ones for birthdays. We don't give money unless, as this year, it is for something specific. This year DD1 has has a new kitchen extension which, inevitably, cost more than anticipated and they were going to do without the new crockery they liked, so we contributed to that.

D wanted to buy her and her SO tickets to see "Wicked" so we payed half as a present to them both. (She's not working) We don't spend a lot on the adults in our family. I also bought them "tree presents" to open on the day. S had clothes. I usually ask what they would like and spend roughly the same on them all.

OP also asked about birthdays, all our DSs and DILs birthdays are within a month of Christmas, either side, so again we give vouchers. It's much easier in the run up to Christmas, and those after can spend them in the sales!

I did make it clear it was a personal opinion. We are allowed to have different opinions. I have only come across secret santa's in office contexts, never in a family.

We do Secret Santa with grown ups, everyone does an online wish list, so we choose things we would love, but wouldn't necessarily buy for ourselves so it's very personal, I got some lovely Jo Malone goodies. For birthdays we have started clubbing together for one big item - jewellery or a weekend away.

We give DSs and DILs the same, with varying differences. They each get a Christmas bag ( the adult version of a stocking). In it they get some smellies, something to wear, usually socks and some chocs. Also they get a voucher so that they can buy their own main present, or use it over the year for anything they want.

Sometimes we get the nod that a specific item would be liked, then they don't get the voucher.

Our secret Santa was the absolute opposite of 'impersonal office colleague arrangements' thank you very much! We all went to great lengths to find spot on gifts!!

In our family we expect people to provide wish lists in November and they do (so do we). We bought DS a book and a shirt he wanted, DDil some slippers and a set of kitchen utensils and DD, a book and some really lovely fleecy pyjamas that we saw when out shopping together.

We all love the giving and receiving of gifts ceremony at Christmas so continue to buy each other presents on a personal basis rather than secret santas, that to me, smack of impersonal office colleague arrangements, or worst of all; no gifts at all.

My most successful present ever was the year that we did a £50 secret Santa for adults in the family. I sent off a photo to a place where they turn photos into Warhol or Liechtenstein type pictures. I suggested that they choose the best format and they certainly did. I think it was called the graffiti one. It came back beautifully printed on stretched canvas and looks terrific. Its a real talking point and DH loves it.
I've never done better before or since with a present! Ah well.

I should add that money as a gift is tricky I think as all our SILs have enviable incomes way in excess of our pensions so we go for originality and (hopefully) ingenuity.

We also do Secret Santa for all the grown ups. Presents for SILs in recent years (always the most difficult IMHO ) have included a day's nature photography course, an indoor skydiving experience, "designer" gins, very posh Highland Chocolatier chocs, an original Matt cartoon, sloe gin (bit of a theme here! ) and theatre/concert tickets. Good luck!

Perhaps should have said I also do small pressie, under £5 to unwrap at same time.

That sounds fun Pen, thank you.

happy we do Secret Santa for the adults. We have a cost limit and each adult prepare a list of 5-6 items within the price range. We then get allocated a person to buy for. We use an on line programme (Elfster) but you don't need to.

At birthdays we tend to give tickets or vouchers for / towards things to do.

Thanks Jayanna, I think that's what I'm doing from now on.

Money. Then they can buy what they want or use it to pay the bills! Same for everyone including partners - I look on them as an equal part of my family.