I am contemplating ways to kill Grampy...... input welcome !!

Buy a leg of mutton. Freeze it. Bludgeon him with it. Then have roast mutton for dinner.
Can you tell I've thought about it?
It works both ways wobbly.

I wouldn't go so far as to murder him but, as he's out babysitting, how about getting a locksmith out to change the locks? A session out in the cold should make him think of apologising. You could say things like "Now this is bitter"!
Just a suggestion...

sunseeker your post has just reminded me of a tv programme plotline - bash him over the head with a froen leg of lamb, then defrost it, cook it and serve it up to the Police people when they come to question you!

(Far-fetched, I know, but novel...)

Great minds, Stansgran!

I remember that Ana I think it was Tales of the Unexpected.

A "fall" from the Gosport Ferry? No funeral bills.

Mutton leg is larger and has more biffing quality. I knew I'd read it somewhere and stored it for future use.

Needn't bother to get GNHQ to delete this thread. The police would never believe us dear old grans could possibly be involved. We might have to organise a squad to nip down and take out wobblybits though in case he grasses you up.

I haven't laughed so much for ages - suggestions duly noted for the next time I get 'the sigh'. .

Buy a leg of mutton. Freeze it. Bludgeon him with it. Then have roast mutton for dinner.
wasn't that a detective story on the tv?
Or was it a real one that I remember?

I think I would have rammed the rest of the chocolate roulade where the sun don't shine on his head Grananarchist.

Someone I know was going to write a book on how to commit the perfect murder and get away with it when he retired. I must contact him and ask if he's written it yet
(that was a nasty btw)

What could you recommend for a husband who shrinks your lovely hand knitted wool cardigan. It is quite felted and only just fits now.
(and some other crimes to be "taken into consideration."

Ask phoenix for one of her spells! They are really good. Or set the grans on him. We fly away on our broomsticks leaving no clues at all!

I asked DH today what he thought about a hairstyle I had got off the internet that I thought would suit me. I said 'of course, the model is younger than me and very pretty'
He said 'well, you were young once too'

What happened to 'pretty'?
At least he could have paid lip service to it

Ah now I know why I have still got that leg of lamb in the freezer. Offers anyone??

We ate the lamb, will a frozen duck have the same effect?
I suppose it doesn't have the handle.

Maybe we could form a hit squad of Grans always ready to avenge their crones, sorry cronies and see justice done.

It would only work if you left the beak on the duck, jalima. Nana plotting to do in grampy?? ? Is the world as we know it coming to an end?? I thought mine was the only absolutely infuriating old git in the universe. When Teetime has finished battering all her coughing blokes with a five iron, I'm sure she would be pleased to oblige!

Be careful if you follow Galen's advice re a sharp tug in the bath because you do not want to be leaving any bruises on his delicate ankles. This shows I read too many crime novels.

Fleecy mittens should solve that problem
By the way my dh died of natural causes, honest!
( although there were times----------)

Firstly, you have to dress like this N&G - and hope that he doesn't notice as you skulk around him

Would you like any help?

N&G may need some help struggling into the forensic attire! Especially without Grampy noticing.

You've cheered me up no end !

He's on his way home soon - he'll live to fight another day !

Nana it was probably just a grumpy moment on his part.
Granarchist does your DH often do baffling things?

Yes, I think we all bicker a bit at times, especially once retired.

The leg of lamb method was the basis of a short story by Roald Dahl in 1953 called 'Lamb to the slaughter'. It was later made into an episode by Alfred Hitchcock.

Another idea is to use an icicle as the murder weapon which melts and disappears.

Whether a gran would get away with it might hang on whether the local detective read short stories or googled. I suspect all our Grans would be filled with remorse and turn themselves in.