Gransnet forums

Chat

I am contemplating ways to kill Grampy...... input welcome !!

(131 Posts)
NanaandGrampy Tue 10-Jan-17 16:51:02

Today, we were watching Lorraine and one of the Loose Women was on ( I forget her name) talking about divorce and not wasting your life.

I cant remember exactly what I said - something like 'I can't bear this whining woman, turn it off if you're not watching'?

To which Grampy replied ' You've gotten bitter since you turned 60 , you can have your point of view but I don't have to hear it !'

When I told him I was hurt ( I'm almost positive I'm not bitter about anything or anyone and certainly not since my birthday ) he laughed. Waited a touch too long and then said 'sorry'.

Not on his knees !

Not sorry at all .....

I have decided after 40 years if a) he has not learned to tune me out
or
b) I cant say what I like without fear of favour to him

he has to go !

Choices available to me :

Under the patio
Under the car
A 'trip' down the stairs
Drain cleaner in his dinner.

Any advice gratefully received !!

sluttygran Wed 11-Jan-17 17:58:40

I have to confess to almost stabbing my former husband - he was such an all round evil bar steward, he really deserved a carving knife through the vitals!
Anyway, it seemed easier and less complicated to leave him, which I did. I still have nightmares about him over thirty years later.

I'm so glad now that I have no OH, only a 'gentleman friend', who is a real sweetheart. Even he drives me nuts sometimes, tho' - I think men are just naturally rather irritating! grin

Grandmama Wed 11-Jan-17 18:04:12

There are an awful lots of posts about this!!

Laburnum seeds would do the trick but don't cook them first, best served raw. Not effective if cooked.

DD1 regularly expects to find her father under the patio but not really feasible, overlooked by neighbours.

cheerfullizzy Wed 11-Jan-17 20:08:41

Ha Ha!!! Hilarious...we've all been tempted...i'm certain!!!
Not sure men are worth a prison sentence though!
Love this ...best laugh i've had all month!!!smile

cheerfullizzy Wed 11-Jan-17 20:11:55

Gilly bob...FABULOUS IDEA!!...count me in!!!!

annsixty Wed 11-Jan-17 20:19:16

This is an absolutely awful and really evil thread ...and I love it. I have a dossier of ideas and also lots of incriminating evidence and be sure I will track you down.. If I haven't used your idea first.

cheerfullizzy Wed 11-Jan-17 20:24:34

You Ladies are BRILLIANT!!!!..really got me thinking now!!!!
Jalima....scoffing the mutton for dinner would be the ULTIMATE ICING ON THE CAKE........

Jalima Wed 11-Jan-17 20:43:09

I am worried about the mutton idea though, I think detectable ovine traces could be left in the wound

I think the pig farm or wild boars would be best (don't transport him in the boot though), you will have to do the deed on the spot

Although - come to think of it, the mutton followed by the pigs/boar would be fine as the pigs/boar would eat the weapon too! No evidence

But what about the insurance payout?
This is more complicated than we think.

NanaandGrampy Wed 11-Jan-17 20:58:54

I am thinking of training Sam to whip past him on the stairs but if it happened on the 2nd flight it might not be enough .......

Or

We have a large chest freezer , defrosting it does involve really leaning in....... a quick shove....... ?

GannyRowe Wed 11-Jan-17 21:14:25

Oooh the ideas abound!
Ex lax pudding.......a good dose of ex lax added into his favourite home made chocolate pudding desert. I was ok, never liked chocolate anything!
Daughters favourite was a touch of soap on the toothbrush!

Charleygirl Wed 11-Jan-17 22:24:36

Insulin is a good drug to use because it is barely detectable I believe.

f77ms Wed 11-Jan-17 22:31:44

This so much better than the Political threads , I haven`t laughed so much for ages .

VIOLETTE Wed 11-Jan-17 22:52:48

Thinking about the lethal plant ......there is a plant that grows in Japan (awful thing is I can't remember its name) that even if it is accidentally touched can kill......keen gardners beware !!! I will have to Google it ,,,and then smash the hard drive .....grin

Indinana Wed 11-Jan-17 22:59:52

Bop him over the head with a frozen leg of lamb. Then cook the lamb and eat the evidence grin

Jane10 Thu 12-Jan-17 07:51:55

Have you not read through this thread Indinana ?

Maggiemaybe Thu 12-Jan-17 08:57:12

I'm saving Galen's tips. She knows her stuff and has obviously thought it through.

Looks like we've all kept that keg of lamb in the freezer!

Maggiemaybe Thu 12-Jan-17 08:58:02

Leg, not keg, for goodness' sake grin

Indinana Thu 12-Jan-17 09:57:47

Jane10, clearly not all of it, no blush. I thought I'd read it last night, but it was late.... Oops.

Yorkshiregel Thu 12-Jan-17 10:00:49

Have to admit thoughts of using the laxative one when OH has a 'meeting' after work. Thought it might make his evening. Well, you have to be sure don't you. That smug feeling would last all night.

Yorkshiregel Thu 12-Jan-17 10:01:35

Indiana, great minds think alike as they say.

Yorkshiregel Thu 12-Jan-17 10:03:22

I read in the paper there was a great shortage of legs of lamb! Must have been a rush on them.

Katek Thu 12-Jan-17 11:28:05

I'm a veggie..... what can I substitute for the lamb? Quorn pieces don't exactly cut it.

Greyduster Thu 12-Jan-17 11:40:15

If you tie enough frozen Quorn Sausages around the end of a thick stick you should have enough weight to stick ratio to do the job, I would say! ?

Katek Thu 12-Jan-17 11:42:32

Aah.....I like it! A diy leg of lamb so to speak

Jane10 Thu 12-Jan-17 11:44:18

grin

rosesarered Thu 12-Jan-17 12:07:46

What a murderous lot you all are.grin ?Sparkling cyanide in the gin bottle sounds like a good idea? But if Poirrot is on the case....