What weird phrases do you use?

Aren't these wonderful!
Durham pal uses,"No show without Punch", Wiltshire friend,"Fred Karno's Army"-Fred was a silent movie film-maker and the films were all slapstick.
There's a very moving Victorian or Edwardian poem,"Christmas Day in the Workhouse" about an old pauper who has lost his wife because the workhouse would not take her in at Christmas, so he has some strong words for the workhouse guardians and their,"charity"
I have heard it as,"Fine words butter no parsnips" which I took to mean,"Talk all you like but it won't improve matters"
Keep them coming folks, this is lovely!

Whenever I asked my late dad where he was going it would be "To see a man about a dog!"

Nice to have a good giggle first thing in the morning. I remember so many of these sayings.
I also remember a couple from my mother "She's no better than she ought to be" and "flighty little piece" come to mind. Anyone else heard these or did Mum make them up?

Oh I recognise so many of these sayings. One my mother used, whenever we asked something, and I've never heard it anywhere else is "let me and my heart take counsel for war is not of life the sum." I still use it from time to time. It usually brings things to a halt and gives me time to think.

I just love, 'fur coat no knickers' . Not sure where ' red hat no drawers' came from, but it was used by my mum!

"It may be only an inch out but think of that on the end of your nose."

and

"It's as black as night over our Bill's mother's" ....there is a storm brewing.

When I was a child and my mother was going out I would ask her where she was going, the standard reply was "There and back to see how far it is".

When we asked what was for dinner we were told either "three jumps at the pantry door" or " a layer for a medlar".

Can't remember which family member said this one, but if as a child we were to ask what are we having for tea, the reply would come bacK;

"Legs of chairs and pump handles"

I can remember one or two similar, but they generally had less publishable words!!

One or two I've used for a few years:

"About as much use as a chocolate Teapot", or "About as much use as a chocolate Fireguard"

For use when asked about the weather, my Grandad had one that went along the lines of:
"It'll either rain or go dark before morning!"

Alima yes, she used it for both genders.

May I just add a French one which always makes me smile:
"Il y a du monde au balcon" exclaimed when a woman shows ample cleavage. It means something like "Cripes, there's a crowd on the balcony!" It is not meant as a compliment!!

We get "balconnette bras" from that expression, I think.

If I complained to my mum that I had spots, she would say 'no man will get down off his horse to look at you'

I thought it was 'couldn't stop a pig in a passage' ( bandy legs) although in the UK nobody has bandy legs now.Inspector Montalbano does though.
No, I don't use odd phrases and think they will die out with our generation as the younger ones don't use them or know what they mean.I don't think that 'dragged through a hedge backwards' is an odd saying but a sensible one!

My grandma used to say 'Fred Carno's Circus'

when my mother was particularly frustrated by someone or something she use to mutter about it being as much use as Fred Karno's Army!

My great-granny would describe a short fat person as "easier to jump over than walk round"

'Sod that for a game of soldiers'

I use 'Someone's got a bee in their bonnet' but prefer nina's version!

When asked where I'm going or where I've been I often say 'There and back to see how far it is'

Or if I'm 'idling' when I should be 'doing' then it's 'Well this won't knit the baby a new bonnet'

I can remember silencing someone (in confusion) with 'You can argue till the cows come home but it won't change anything'

My dad used to say that someone could eat an apple through a tennis raquet if they had prominent front teeth.

If my Gran saw anyone who had bandy legs she would say " He couldn't stop a pig in an entry".

I'v remembered by FIL saying "loppy lugs" because I have one SIL who always has to know everything that's going on. He also used to say about her "There's no show without Punch!"

I am familiar with a few of the sayings above but have never heard "Fanny's got 'er 'at on" I love it ninathenana

When my eldest GD is being nosy (she is a bit of a gossip just like her lovely mum) I say "oh, I see, mrs Nosy couldn't come so she sent you then"

Me and the three DGC also have a weird saying where we compare things to Frogs. As in Crazy as a Frog, silly as a frog, happy as a frog etc. I can't remember how it came about, but apparently "Frog" is a very high scale of measurement .

foot OF our stairs I mean!

My granddaughter used to giggle when I said 'Well I'll go to the foot or our stairs'. I also use the 'hedge backwards' one and when I look in the mirror I sometimes say to DH 'I look like the wreck of the Hesperus' (can't spell that) or 'I look like Dracula's revenge'