What weird phrases do you use?

When it rained heavily my lovely Grandma used to say Nice day for ducks.

and Up the wooden hill - when it was time for bed.

This has been a brilliant thread. Found myself chuckling.
Just thought of another one. When something turns out right it's Lovely Jubely.

If someone's got bow legs. he/she wouldn't stop a pig.
Another, she's got a face that would stop a clock.
(Both unkind ones really)

I had one but the wheels came off !!

As a child, if I asked what's for dinner/tea, the answer came 'if it goes round you'll get some'.

My mother would describe a face with over heavy use of black eyeliner and mascara as 'like two burnt holes in a blanket' and a large lady's bottom from behind, 'like two boys fighting in a sack!' She wasn't known for being PC.

To give an alternative to an earlier post, "a face like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle"!

If someone was standing in the way of the TV or something else my late husband wanted to see he'd say, ' You make a better door than a window!' Translated: Shift!

Not mine, but l remember my mam telling me about when she'd been out for a bar meal with my cousin. Apparently a woman on the table next to them had got a mixed grill, and my mam described it as "having everything but a monkey" on it....

My Dad used to use a lot of those expression, though it was always 'dark over Will's mother's'. He also used some Cockney rhyming slang. One I especially remember was Gnats (pee) for weak tea.

My mother used to say of a woman with big legs, "They're like the outposts of the Empire!" which I always thought was cruel.

My Mum was scared of thunder storms and my Dad was determined I wouldn't be. When there was a storm he would carry me to the front doorstep and we would watch "David moving the furniture round" or "God taking his boots off". It always puzzled me that I couldn't actually SEE David and that God must have very big feet - but I'm not afraid of storms.

When someone has very bowed legs we would say "couldn't stop a pig in a passage". Another saying is "the pot calling the kettle black".

I know and use most of these, I remember a boyfriend 50 years ago talking about Fred Carno's Circus - eventually I worked out what he meant. My Dad used to call weak tea "mazee wahter tea" (probably not polite to explain here.) When it's difficult to get people to do something its "like herding cats" and occasionally someone is "mad as a bucket of frogs" (tho' I've never seen a bucket of frogs.
I wonder if other languages do the same?

I haven't read all these through but surely we've just had a very recent thread on a very similar theme, because I remember my hair being straight as a yard of pump water, being dragged through a hedge backwards which made me look like the wreck of the 'Esperus, and going to the foot of our stairs ........

My mum used to describe miserable looking people as 'sour puss'. My DH recently described someone he doesn't like much as 'she always looks like she's chewing a wasp'

These are all brilliant. I remember being told when i asked what was for tea, 'if we've got it you can have it, if we haven't then you can't'

Also if you knew when someone was up to mischief and they denied it mum would say 'I know you, upside down, inside out and back to front'

And if the sky was very dark and threatening a storm she would say 'its as black as Newgate's knocker!!! i never really knew what that meant or understood it.

teabagwoman "let me and my heart take counsel for war is not of life the sum" - Google tells me this is a quotation from a Civil War poem - how interesting!

Arry. Hasn't that been replaced by 'As if'?

I feel like a piece of chewed string or I feel like death warmed over.

'Neither use nor ornament' or 'no good to man nor beast' or as DH insists on saying 'neither use to man nor ornament!'

'Money and fair words' was used round here as well as 'a pretty penny' when asked hjow much one had paid for something.

Unfortunately these like many others, such as one of my gran's ' neither use nor ornament' describing my grandfathers efforts in hanging out the washing, are becoming a thing of the past. Sad.

When I complain about an ailment, my DH says 'you're as fit as a butcher's dog.'

Not blessed with the best head of hair my Dad used to say- of me- I've seen better hair on tuppenny bacon.

Lots of familiar ones, happy memories. Here's some more, it says Fry's (chocolate) but it doesn't mean they sell it & it says India on the tyres but it doesn't mean they go there - on a bus.

When my DGD was making something & asked where he got the idea "from my 'ead". If you saw an unknown object it was "a thingapurpose" or a "whatnot"

I still use "how long's a piece of string"

When we were kids and my mum was getting ready to go out we would ask, "where are you going?" and she always replied "off my head, d'ya wanna come?"

Some of these are very familiar to me!