Why does my daughter treat me this way?

Sandra you must feel so unwanted and that is such a shame. Your Daughter sounds like a brat, sorry if that is harsh and i certainly dont want to upset you but you have asked the question.
You have given her your home, access to your bank account, you provide her childcare and she cant even be bothered to phone, and she doesnt because she doesnt have too, she has been spoiled beyond belief and has had everything from you and continues to get a easy ride because you feel bad about her childhood, lots of children have a really awful time and dont turn out so self centered.
We are only treated the way we allow people to treat us, maybe it is time to either tell your Daughter a few home truths or accept treatment, only you can make that choice
I hope you find the strength to sort this mess out

I agree that some grand-parents are treated in the same way, it seems to be a way of life with the way families are spread. At the moment I am feeling a little like you, disappointed, but I also recognise that I am feeling a bit below par, and the batteries need recharging, Perhaps this is the same with you after your pneumonia?

A lot of people these days do keep in touch, not with one person but with many at a time. Could you become their Facebook friend?
I, personally, don't use Facebook much but my extended family do and occasionally I feel out of the loop. My choice. Once they have posted to their friends they forget that not everyone has joined up. Not personal I know but at least you would know what is happening in their family and be able to comment.

It seems that materially you are trying to make up for perceived problems in your daughter's childhood. I'm sure this is unnecessary and she understands how things were. Our children have their own lives and often forget how much a simple call or visit mean to us. If you are becoming resentful about the amount of financial support you give your daughter then talk about it with her. It's very easy to dwell on things and get them out of proportion.

No grandchildren yet for me but I have this with my three daughters and I think it's the modern way. Their generation are so busy and distracted, I feel sorry for them. I think texting and the dratted Twitter also encourage brief rather surface communication. It can leave those of us who remember pre computer days feeling rather lonely. At least your daughter is there for you when you really need it. Like others I can only sympathise and suggest keeping busy and perhaps asking when would be a convenient time for a longer chat.

I can relate to your post in some way. My sons are so busy I am lucky if I see them once a month - no phone calls just occasional texts. One grandson is nearly 18 and I hardly see him at all, nor does anyone else though but I understand he now has his own life to lead. It's been painful though as we were so close but I'm not needed now like I was.

I try and see the 3 other grandsons/daughter when I can but so hard to slot in with football/gym/rugby/nursery and their mum and dads work/shifts. It's difficult, and it's always me driving there which I sometimes don't feel up to doing.

I just think the more our grown children have to work, have their own children, need their own family time and to socialise with their own friends it's the parent/s left behind who pay the price. I have also helped mine financially but not for any return, I just hope they appreciated it at the time.

I have a friend I spend time with though, lots of interests, always busy, but should do more/meet more people so I don't dwell on the changes which mean I feel more alone than ever.

It sounds as though your DD was brilliant when you had your hip replacement - well done her!

I'm sure that your daughter loves you
Just her time is taken up with day to day life.
Although the contact is mainly one sided I would still keep it up even though it irks.

Next time you speak DD why not ask when would the best time for you to call as you know she is busy

I am puzzled that you have a joint bank account with your daughter.

I am sorry you are upset.

One thing I do in these circumstances is to ask myself what I did with my own parents. I am not sure I was much better TBH. When you have children you are very focused on their upbringing.

I do not think you should expect them to treat you any differently because you have given them financial help. A gift is a gift and should never be given with expectations. Gifts can feel like manipulation if we are not careful.

I wonder if you are not expecting too much - you have your own picture of what your relationship should be with them; and they may have another.

I have several children and they all have different levels of involvement with us.

One way through this is to concentrate on developing your own life - you are in a new phase of life that is a time of opportunity to be grasped.

I agree with everybody who's responded. One of my daughters never keeps in touch, last time I heard from her was before Christmas and if we didn't keep in touch with the odd phone call and occasional visit I'm sure we wouldn't hear from her one year to the next. I like to think she does care and I've just had to accept the situation for what it is. My other daughter on the other hand is totally different and keeps in touch regularly. I rack my brains trying to understand why they are so different.

It is disappointing when family don't treat you how you want, two of mine are similar to your family, of 8 grandchildren only one rings us regularly just to check in and one of my daughters rings often. The others love us and care but have very busy working/family lives, I'd love to have more contact with them but it is what it is and I've had to learn to accept it.
Sorry you are hurting but I don't really have any advice.

I think you may find that a lot of grandparents on here are treated in a similar way Sandra Sorry to hear this is happening to you.