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Is this normal ....?

(18 Posts)
jogginggirl Sat 18-Mar-17 22:15:40

My mum, who has dementia, is in hospital recovering from a uti.... When I visited her today she was very low, depressed even.... This is not my mum's natural state.

Now, I have taken into account that she is in a strange environment, is recovering from a uti and has dementia. But I was still shocked when she asked me why "can't they give me something to end my life"...??

This is so NOT my mum ... she is a very quiet lady, and I mean lady, she is very reserved, she would never upset anyone on purpose..... I just felt so very, sad.....?? Could this be down to the uti.....?

cornergran Sat 18-Mar-17 22:28:37

I'm not sure, jogginggirl, but I do know uti's have a huge impact on older people. I hope someone with more medical know,edge comes along soon. In the meantime a big hug.

merlotgran Sat 18-Mar-17 22:32:20

I would say it's definitely the UTI, jogginggirl. My mum had vascular dementia and suffered frequent UTIs. They would cause her anxiety and confusion.

Hopefully, your mother has been prescribed antibiotics and they will sort it out.

Hope you soon see an improvement.

Luckygirl Sat 18-Mar-17 22:36:51

How advanced is her dementia? Does she have insight into her illness?

I am sorry that she is so low at present - a UTI can make elderly people really poorly and have effects on their mental state - and she is in a strange setting which does not help.

Let us hope that she will be a bit better when her UTI is ended.

It must be so distressing for you. I am sorry you are going through this.

BlueBelle Sat 18-Mar-17 22:39:06

UTI s can cause a massive change in personality even giving off dementia like symptoms in the elderly it's almost definitely that to have caused your Mums personality change hopefully she ll soon be back to herself when the anti bionics have done their work BUT it may be a slow recovery

Cherrytree59 Sat 18-Mar-17 22:44:15

UTI can be quite disorientating
My late father suffered from dementia and had UTIs quite often.
Each time they affected him in a different way
Depression was one such symptom
However once he recovered he was back to his 'usual' temperament. Which was quite up beat even with vascular dementia.

My Mil also has age related dementia as yet she has not suffered with any water infections but is generally morose and has on several occasions said that would like to end it all.

Once your mother has recovered and back in familiar surroundings she will be a lot happier.

On the plus side once back home she won't remember how she felt when she had the UTI

It is a very cruel disease.
flowers for you and your dear mum

Jalima Sat 18-Mar-17 22:51:31

I hope that they have got on top of the UTI as they can cause strange symptoms.
However, my DM who had had strokes used to sometimes say that she didn't want to wake up from her afternoon nap, she'd had enough and missed DF.
The rest of the time she seemed relatively happy although frustrated with her inability to do what she used to do.

I hope she feels better soon flowers

GracesGranMK2 Sat 18-Mar-17 22:54:48

The UTI will have had a confusing effect jogginggirl but I found with mum that being on a general ward was very disconcerting for her and her mood did drop - this was a few years ago now. I should make the nurses aware - just tell them you are concerned and they may be able to help. I would also take in anything that is familiar that might help. In mum's case this might be Muller Corners so any food she eats regularly that is portable. Mum also has a fleece blanket that keeps her knees warm (and to stroke) so I would take that in too. Sometimes dementia sufferers have toys they are fond of. Also for mum, if I was allowed to I would plug her dementia clock in and have it by her bed. She looks at it very frequently to sort of anchor herself. I wonder if your mum has any anchor points she uses? I would take in anything to be honest to make that rather clinical space feel more secure. I don't know if this will help as each person is different but it could be worth a try. You may well have thought of this but all I can think is that familiarity might help.

Hopefully now they have her (presumably)on antibiotics she will be home soon.

Nana3 Sat 18-Mar-17 23:05:17

A combination of the uti and being in hospital is probably the reason why she is low.
My Mum was exactly the same she would say, "I'm going to die in here". She also stopped eating. She was fine when she went home. I do hope your mum goes home soon.
flowers all my best wishes to you both jg.

kittylester Sun 19-Mar-17 06:44:57

I think this is entirely normal. This, and the confusion itself, could last for a good while after the infection itself has cleared up. We had this with mum quite often. flowers

Anya Sun 19-Mar-17 06:52:52

Yes, this is down to the uti. We had MiL living with us for her last few months. She too had dementia, but when she got one of her regular UTIs it was so much worse.

Hang on in there JG you are another wonderful daughter sunshine

Marydoll Sun 19-Mar-17 09:01:10

Goog morning jogginggirl This not unusual when someone has a UTI. I have just posted on the thread about children becoming the parent of the parent. My mum often had UTIs and would behave in a bizarre fashion. On one occasion, she asked me to let her go (die). It is so sad having to cope with this. Take care and I hope mum is feeling better soon.flowers

Jane10 Sun 19-Mar-17 09:09:07

My Grandmother was not unhappy or in very poor health but unable to look after herself. She lived in a comfortable rather shabby old care home which she liked. However, a time came when she just wanted to go. She tried to think up ways of ending her days which were pretty daft and I think were intended to be amusing. There was a clear intention behind it though. She'd just had enough and wanted to be reunited with her beloved husband who had died years before.
When she did slip away at 93 we could only be happy for her as we knew it was what she wanted.

Iam64 Sun 19-Mar-17 09:32:22

As so many have already said, UTI's seem to make elderly women very confused and low in mood. We learned to recognise the early signs with mum so the GP could prescribe antibiotics and prevent her becoming really poorly. I hope that's the case with your mum joggingirl.

MissAdventure Sun 19-Mar-17 09:37:29

Its widely overlooked that elderly people can suffer from depression.
Once the uti has been sorted, it may be an idea to consider that she could be depressed without there being a physical reason.
Very difficult to see your parent so down. flowers

Esspee Sun 19-Mar-17 09:57:49

I have expressed my wish to die rather than slip into dementia to my family and friends. I am far from depressed at the moment but just want my attitude out there so that in the hopefully dim and distant future, should the need arise, everybody will know that " letting me go" would be exactly what I would have wished. I intend setting up an advance directive (or whatever it is called) which I understand is not legally enforceable but which might help the medical profession by making clear my wishes on quality of life issues.
Jogginggirl, I realise how very distressed you must be to hear that from your mum but please consider that she may sincerely wish to be released from the nightmare decline she finds herself in. I think that comment came from her heart.

TriciaF Sun 19-Mar-17 11:16:24

As well as the UTI itself the antibiotics can have a depressing effect.
I've had UTIs many times, and even though I haven't got dementia (yet) I still find it depressing.

jogginggirl Sun 19-Mar-17 12:21:23

Oh no! I have just typed a very long reply and it has disappeared ....?

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you all for your responses, they were so helpful and reassuring. I absolutely agree with the collective view that the uti is causing the depression/low mood. I know she will feel better when she returns to her own space.
I have spoken to the hospital this morning and they have told me that mum is much brighter today. I will visit later and find out for myself. I am going to do her nails for her - she loves that for a treat??

She is currently on a specialist dementia ward where the staff are wonderful. However, there are a mix of different dementia types and mum is distressed by the ladies who shout and curse quite a lot! Mum is a very gentle person. It cannot be helped - I understand that and the nurses are aware of it and do their best to protect the more vulnerable ladies. Not an easy job by any means.

Thank you all again for your kindness and taking the time to reply ❤️