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Is it OK to return gifts to Giver?

(64 Posts)
Daisydoo2 Sat 01-Apr-17 11:48:03

My 2 daughters, both in their 30s, are at loggerheads - again - or will be. One gave a present to the other's son. Unfortunately mum of son said the present wasn't wanted, not that son said this, and wants to return it and ask for something different. I however was brought up to believe that if I received a gift it should be accepted graciously whether it was liked or not. I was trying to head off an argument when I said this to mum of son and landed in a whole heap of trouble by interferingblush. Is it acceptable to return gifts to Giver or should we be Grateful? Help please before I dig myself into a deeper hole.

hallgreenmiss Sun 02-Apr-17 14:58:46

Is my family alone in always asking what they would like for birthday, Christmas etc?
This extends even to Easter as one GC is not keen on chocolate. Of course we also give a few extra 'surprises' but no-one be so rude as to say they don't like it and hand it back.

paddyann Sun 02-Apr-17 14:18:47

my husbands best friend prides himself on "always being honest" he likes a good whisky ,single malts and not inexpensive .Over the years we've (I've) bought bottles for him with no real problems ,sometimes he'll say it was not as peaty as he thought but not really complained.Last christmas he was much more vocal ,apparently it was utterly disgusting! So a wasted £50 odd .I'll stick to old favourites in future....or my husband can buy his friends presents himself

TriciaF Sun 02-Apr-17 14:04:21

I once read a short story (I think it was by Ephraim Kishon) about someone who was given a box of chocolates for a gift. He didn't want it, so gave it as a present to someone else, then it was passed on to several others.
Some time later he received it back again, but by now the chocolates were going mouldy - poetic justice!

Norah Sun 02-Apr-17 13:19:27

I accept politely and donate. That said, I never meddle in others business. Especially I never meddle or interfere between my children. None of my affair whatsoever.

Suzisue Sun 02-Apr-17 11:13:40

I've just had this happen to me and I must say my feelings were hurt. It was only a little extra gift (a silky scarf) I also put some money into their bank account also as it was a milestone birthday and they thanked me a month later! I have had gifts from this same person that I haven't liked but would never dream of telling her because I know she puts thought into what she buys.

Roadrunner Sun 02-Apr-17 10:51:11

My MiL never liked anything that was bought for her, she either gave to my sister-in-law or did not use the gift. So I stopped buying for her.
I have a friend that I buy gifts for and she says it is lovely, but have never seen her with the item.
It is really hard work with some people and just wonder why we bother.

DanniRae Sun 02-Apr-17 08:54:33

I would never return a gift if I didn't like it - it is so rude, although people have done it to me.

I have just done a table sale and sold at least 3 unsuitable Christmas presents from 2016! The buyers were happy to get brand new things so cheaply and I was glad to be rid of them....Result!!

gillybob Sun 02-Apr-17 08:38:26

If I am buying a gift for someone and I'm not sure whether they will like it or it will be to their taste I always pop a gift receipt in with the present . I would hope/assume that if the gift was unsuitable they would take it back and exchange it rather than it going to waste.

If someone gave me a Charlotte Church CD for a present I would have to try and swap it or else it would be used as a coaster. How silly to second guess someone's taste in music if you don't know them well enough to be sure you have got it right.

PamelaJ1 Sun 02-Apr-17 08:34:18

Petra I have one of those daughters too! She's a chip off her fathers block, I seem to be able to manage him but not her?

mumofmadboys Sun 02-Apr-17 07:14:02

Years ago my mum gave my DH a Charlotte Church CD for Xmas. It was not to his taste at all but he said thanks very much over the phone to her etc. She later asked me whether he was enjoying it and I admitted we had swopped it at whichever shop it was for something more to his taste( classical music). I got a lecture on how ungrateful he was etc!! After that we didn't always tell the truth!! However she swopped gifts I gave her from M and S and I didn't mind at all!

Anya Sun 02-Apr-17 07:06:21

That's just plain rude Bluebell but it's a great idea to give all his future gifts to someone who'll appreciate them grin

Lynnebo Sun 02-Apr-17 06:05:06

Loving the Oxfam idea , Bluebelle !

BlueBelle Sun 02-Apr-17 05:43:57

Never never never it happened to me when I gave my son in law a birthday present some years ago he was going on holiday and I bought him a beach t shirt plain white and some beige Bermuda shorts similar to some I d seen him in before they were from the local sports direct so I knew they were up to date and he's an average size I was proud that I d used my iniative however he opened the present then handed it back and said thanks but I won't ever wear them I was so shocked and hurt that I have really never felt any warmth to him since ( not just that I might add) but it completely knocked me sidewards I couldn't imagine how someone could be so blunt and unkind ..... he didn't even try them on ....the following year I sent him an oxfam token for some chickens in Africa

absent Sun 02-Apr-17 01:40:53

The only time it is not just acceptable, but good manners to return gifts is when a wedding is cancelled. Otherwise, it is extremely rude.

Penstemmon Sat 01-Apr-17 22:34:56

Agree that, unless a wrong size or duplicate, accept with courtesy and a smile! If gift was a duplicate/wrong size most sisters would talk about it like grown ups and organise an exchange.

If mother of boy is being deliberately awkward ...leave the sisters to it!

Deedaa Sat 01-Apr-17 21:36:52

I think returning a present is OK if it was given with the suggestion that it might be the wrong size or perhaps toonold or too young for the recipient. Otherwise I keep it whatever. One or two hideous things from MiL were carefully preserved and brought out if she was visiting.

aggie Sat 01-Apr-17 20:27:22

I still have a pair of Pyjamas that didn't suit GS at Christmas . I got him the ones he wanted next shopping trip , but keep forgetting to take back the rejects , can't see the problem with this

stillaliveandkicking Sat 01-Apr-17 20:15:33

I'd rather someone be honest. Especially close family, it's no big deal, I'd also rather exchange it for something they would want than have to never use or re-gift.

Anya Sat 01-Apr-17 19:44:46

Daisydoo just let them get on with it. I would also withdraw for a while from your rude daughter who thinks you are 'interfering' when you're trying to help. Let her stew in her own angst for a few weeks and leave it up to her to contact you.

wot Sat 01-Apr-17 19:09:18

Never return gifts.....It's rude and disheartening.

stillaliveandkicking Sat 01-Apr-17 19:07:03

Depends how close you are. I have two sister with children and we've always done that due to duplicate gifts being given etc. No-one gets offended. We usually say to each other "let me know if needs changing" as Im not sure what they're into at the mo.

Ana Sat 01-Apr-17 17:01:32

I agree about gifts, but there are limits where food is concerned. I could never eat a plate of tripe if it was placed in front of me, no matter how well-meaning the person who had prepared it was!

vampirequeen Sat 01-Apr-17 16:22:40

I can't believe how rude some people are. My aunt is the same. She refused a present from my mam on the grounds that she didn't like it. Mam said 'Fine. Don't expect me to change it for something else. You'll just have to do without a present this Christmas'.

If someone goes to the time, expense and effort to get you a gift then you accept it graciously even if it's the most hideous thing in the world.

The same goes if you go to someone's house to eat. Whatever they put on the table is eaten regardless of how much you hate it. I hate pork and tinned cream (not together btw lol) but when I was younger an elderly relative spent money she didn't have to buy it for me as a treat when I went for tea. I would never have told her because she was being nice. She also bought coffee because she knew that I didn't like tea. Unfortunately she chose Camp coffee which is the least coffee like concoction on the market. I never thought of turning it down. I brought my girls up the same way. If someone goes to the trouble of feeding you then you eat what they serve.

Charleygirl Sat 01-Apr-17 16:07:12

My local charity shop has benefited a few times. I agree with everybody else, it is not acceptable to say that one does not like the gift. Interesting that the younger generation also agree with us.

grannypiper Sat 01-Apr-17 15:08:27

I have just asked my 30 year old DD and she in turn asked half a dozen friends the same age and they all said that it is not acceptable. So its not just us Gners who think no.