Is it OK to return gifts to Giver?

I bet your SIL was embarrassed nanasam by his mother's very rude behaviour.

Gosh that goes beyond tactless to down right rude! How ill mannered. Poor you

My SILs parents joined us for Christmas last year and I wanted to get them a little something. I searched high and low because I'd heard how tactless she was and bought her a collared necklace which I thought would suit her. She opened the present, took one look at it and made a disgusted face. 'Oh I don't like this', she said. I informed her tht I'd got the gift receipt and really wanted her to change it but she insisted 'no, it's alright, I'll give it to the charity shop'. I guess next year I'll buy her M & S vouchers!

You don't say why she wanted to give it back? Wouldn't that make a difference?

...If the son already has that particular item and doesn't need two

...If she disapproves of whatever it is

- these two examples would have two very different implications for the conversation / potential for damage that might ensue wouldn't they?

Better to pre-empt the giving of a gift and ask first. No hurt feeling for anyone. If you cannot do that send money/voucher and say you thought child might be saving up for something special.

I do think it is very rude to say 'Yuk! I hate that', and believe me I have been told that a few times, especially by young parents, so I do not go there now. Why waste the time/energy/money when there is a better way?

I am in my 50's now and was brought up to believe that it would be incredibly rude to tell a giver that a present was unwanted! I have had this happen myself when giving a gift and I found it hurtful! As previous people have commented time effort and thought go into present choosing so a rejection of the gift feels like a comment about that! I agree that a discrete swap is fine and in the case of a child there is always a birthday party gift to find!!

My MIL who passed away some years ago returned every Christmas and Birthday present we bought her saying it was "not suitable". After many years of this my DH asked her one year exactly what she wanted. She gave him instructions as to what she required, colour, style etc. even down to which store to purchase it from. Christmas present duly handed over only to be told that it was "not suitable". She never got another present from us. I hasten to add that presents from DH siblings were never returned.

I put a lot of thought into a 60th birthday gift of a book to an old Uni friend who'd invited me to her celebration. A week later it was posted back to me as she had not told me about her no gifts policy. I was surprised by how much this hurt & would never so it unless it was made clear (with a receipt) that it would be OK. I wrote her a note so she knew how I felt but she dug a deeper hole for herself with her excuses. She did say her other friends told her off for doing it.
My D-i-Ll is hard to please so at first I tried really hard to buy extra nice things. I found several if my presents in a box for the bin/recycling so I took them back. That doesn't hurt like the friend's rejection but I don't bother now & take them for a meal instead or pay for something she wants when we visit. She isn't English & her family don't make much of birthday or Xmas presents. I was cross though when she showed disdain for a birthday card sent by my sister as she couldn't understand why she'd sent it as she hardly knows her.

My DD & I always have a present list or sometimes just one item we would like, same for her OH & DGS. Saves us all money & unwanted gifts, last Christmas I got 2 window blinds in the colours I wanted, perfect for me.

My DM now gets money or if I'm visiting (she lives 300 miles away) we go shopping, after all she's 88 so I don't mind,

I would never say I didn't like a gift or hand it back, terribly rude

I wonder how OP's Grandson feels about this, did he like the present?

Even if he didn't like it, I think it's a bad example to return the present.

We gave DGD a present which turned out to be a duplicate. DIL was very diplomatic and said it was fine, she could play with both and make a game of it. Then I asked DGD (age 5) what she wanted me to do and she said 'take it back and change it please'.
Straight to the point and the most sensible thing to do.

Very many years ago when we were newly weds, we had the loveliest neighbours, old enough to be our grandparents. One day they invited me in for coffee and proceeded to show me some oil paintings ..... asking my opinion about each one.
I waxed lyrical about them all whilst secretly hating each and every one. "So which is your favourite"? they then ask. I chose a favourite and I'm sure you've guessed what happened next!

A couple of months later they popped it round to us on Christmas morning, beautifully gift wrapped. It never occurred to me that this was going to happen so we lived with this much disliked painting on our dining room wall for many years until they moved house!

I think always accept a gift with good grace whether you like it or not. Me? I always put gift receipts in with the gift card!

Vampire queen, that's exactly how it was for us. I hated tinned fruit salad, my sister hated butter but when we went for tea with aunts or grandparents, we ate what we were given.
The 'accept it politely and sort it out after' rule applied too. I noticed as they grew older, that for things she really liked, one daughter would say thank you and add, "I love that" or "I always wanted one of those". For other gifts she would say thank you and add, "That's lovely" or "That's really kind of you".

It is not acceptable to return a gift, and certainly not to then ask for a different one! One sister is disappointed by what was given by her sister - tough - you are not able to say "Don't want that, get me this instead!" Her mum should tell her to get real, it is one present, not exactly a life or death situation. My mum returned my christmas present to me the following year as a gift, which really upset me, but shortly afterwards she was diagnosed with Altzimers which explained it.

I've had some humdingers of gifts in the past which I have said thank you for and put in the attic. I have no problem with people exchanging anything I buy - I pop a gift receipt in with the presents or give money or gift cards if I'm not sure what they would like. I would hate to think I have spent a lot of money on something that gets put away and never worn or used or just given to a charity shop.

I agree - NEVER return the gift to the donor. It is the height of bad manners.
Having said that, my DM used to take one look at the gift, say "I don't want/need this" and Turn to another person and foist it upon him/her in front of the donor - usually me... It was unbelievably hurtful!

To the OP, it's always wrong to give a gift back to the sender....always!

Totally unacceptable behaviour! Oh what a material society we live in!

Tallulah buy something a bit cheaper for her....slippers in the wrong size?

Tallulah There is a Mark Twain story called ( I think) 'the smoking jacket' where a velvet smoking jacket ( all the rage in the 1800's) with a matching hat and a pipe, is first given as a Christmas present to a friend, and then circles around for a lot of further Christmases until it eventually reaches the original giver, slightly dishevelled and minus the hat and pipe.

I ALWAYS ask what is the right thing to buy for my GD''s as I'd hate to think I'd got something they didn't ĺike.
I can't see that it's a problem. My DIL checks what we like too.

Get her some Oxfam chickens or a goat next year.

Tallulah... cross her off your list of friends and put me on instead, I would love a radley bag please, thank you x

I gave one of my friends a Radley umbrella and bag for Christmas five years ago, only to be given it back to me Christmas just gone, do you think she was trying to tell me something? I've always thought she recycled things for Christmas but I think after giving me slippers that were the wrong size along with other unsuitable gifts (which I hasten to add I accepted with good grace) I am in a quandry what to do next Christmas, I always try and get her nice presents but I think my benevolent spirit has worn off, anyone any suggestions?

hallgreenmiss No, you're not alone, my dds, gc, ggc, tell me presisely what they want, picture of, store, etc.

I don't reciprocate, whatever they give is lovely.