Suddenly I am feeling old

I had to laugh the other day, GD5 a future skateboarder was telling me that GS9 can't do the tricks on his skateboard like she can and he is really old. Apparently from other comments she has made anyone over the age of six is old.

We should all just give up worrying about our age, the alternative isn't so good.

I was showing GS2 (4) one of my paintings and he kindly told me that it was quite good but I'm too old now to be really good

The first time I felt my age was about 10 years ago when on holiday relaxing by the pool when a young couple next to us offered to carry our sun beds for us.Although i was 70 then but felt quite capable but it was very kind of them.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts (and positive ideas!). I have had "a lot on my plate" lately, and the concerns over my husband's operation on Friday have not helped. I do not get any support from family but realise they have busy lives. I think because I have always been seen as a strong capable person people close to you never realise that just sometimes you are a bit vulnerable and in need of a little hand hold. Not once has anyone asked how I am, but lovely Gransnetters you did and came up with positive solutions and support. I really am grateful - thank you.xx

Oh I forgot to say congratulations on nearly being a great-grandmother! How exciting.

Just realized I used the word 'convinced' an unusual number of times in my previous post. Sorry about that. It's just such a strange thing, but I do believe it's real.

I seriously doubt that you're either frump or grump! Just a busy person who cares a lot.

Floria, you sound remarkable. You're most certainly not being grumpy!

I agree with Marionk. From what you say I think it's really more to do with concern for your husband (congratulations on the near half-century btw!).

A strange side effect of worrying about/looking after someone you love is that you can become utterly convinced you look like a scarecrow when in fact you really, honestly don't. This might sound a bit mad but I'm convinced it's do with very deep emotions actually changing what you see. Fear and exhaustion can make us see things in the mirror that simply aren't real.

This has happened not only to me but to friends as well, which is why I feel I can write about it as an actual (and sadly ignored) sort of emotional phenomenon. I've been the main family 'caregiver' (dread phrase) since I was in my teens and I can't tell you the number of times, over many decades, I've been convinced 'God I look old' but on seeing photos I realize ... I actually looked quite good! Friends in the same situation have believed that they're wrinkling, sagging, etc. when in fact they might look a bit pulled down - sometimes not even that - but no worse.

Funny what love can do!

Of course it would be quite natural if you were to age a bit, going through something as daunting as this. But considering your activities and interests, I really think this might be a case of what I can only think of as 'CCSS' - Concerned Caregiver Scarecrow Syndrome! You probably look much better than you realize. It's probably feelings - dratted things! - affecting your vision!

Really hope I'm not stepping out of bounds if I say it sounds like time other members of the family pulled a bit more weight. That sounded much harsher than I meant it to. When a family is blessed with a wonder such as yourself, it's quite easy - and a complement in a way - that they just assume you can go on being a wonder under any circumstances. But this is the sort of thing where children are really meant to help out. Please forgive me if that sounds horrid. If you don't want their help, that's different. But if you do, please don't feel you're being weak - just tell them. Otherwise, what is a family, really?

Try not to pressure yourself, give yourself a treat (amazing what a bit of chocolate and a Jilly Cooper book can do), and remember that mirrors can distort as much as they can reveal.

Re. being called 'dear' - it's soppy and pointless, but how I miss the days when nearly everyone regardless of age was 'love' or 'dear' or 'duck!' And the chaps in the street with 'Alright, darlin'?' Ah me ... I seem to have gone off topic a bit!

Best of luck to you and your husband. I look after my Mum, whose most serious current condition (out of several!) is cardiac, so, platitudinous as it may sound, I can vouch for the fact that it really is remarkable what they can do these days. And we of the, er, older generations are frequently stronger and more resilient than the young 'uns! Hope all will be well. I hope that works; I tried to do flowers!

Out with GS, 21, he observed me speaking to shop assistants, waiting staff and commented 'You do little old lady very well, don't you? I wonder what they'd think if they knew what you're really like!'
Cue maniacal laughter from us both. Oh dear, my family know me too well!

I understand only too well .I am now officially an old lady !.After going out thinking i was looking pretty good for 65 , jeans and a little scarf wrapped around me throat.A young woman took my shopping trolley and put it on the bus for me, then when i got home i discovered my coat was tucked into myjeans !!!! No wonder i was treated with kindness she probably thought Ah , dear of her , shes old and needs help looking after herself .To top it all , the driver did'nt stop at my stop giving me a fair walk home .I did feel old at the end of that .

Seems like you could do with a break - no matter what your age everybody needs a bit of tlc and r and r .
Your family don't realise because you just keep going but maybe try to have a word and be honest and tell them how you're feeling and maybe cut down on what you do a bit .

I have recently applied to renew my passport. If you don't want to look old, don't go abroad! I look better in a photo when I'm smiling but of course that's a no-no for passport pics. I just wanted to crawl into a dark hole somewhere, and I'd had my hair cut and blow-dried before having the photos done .

I'm 69 in July and my mind is willing but my flesh is oh so weak. A gentle stroll with DGS along the canal for one and a half hours yesterday has left me with sore feet and a limp DGS likes to have a 'picnic' lunch when here and spreads a throw on the carpet if we're staying home. 'Sit down grandma' he says. On the occasions I do manage to get down he tries to help me back up after we've had our sandwiches - I wish he wouldn't as I usually end up in a worse state

My skin has become very dry over the last 3-4 years as I can no longer get out of the bath. I used to have a good soak with moisturising stuff but have had to have a shower installed then cover myself with cream after and stand around waiting for it to soak in

BUT I can still go for walks with DGS and have the picnics inside or out and, as long as I keep smiling, I don't look too bad in photos (even though I try not to look at myself in mirrors) and, if I have to go out before 10 in the mornings, I make sure I'm up by 7 o'clock to give my face and legs time to wake up

I don't think you are turning into a grump, I think it might have a lot to do with what your DH is going through. My DH is 1 year on from his heart attack/emergency surgery and I too felt as you do after a few months. Everything is in place to support the person who has had the cardiac event, which is as it should be of course, but there is nothing for the person living through it by their side and I could have done with some emotional support myself from someone outside of the family

When I was in my 60s, and looking younger I thought (!) I had an attempted break in. The police came in the middle of the night and were very kind. Then one of them came back to ask some questions - my daughter answered the door and the man asked if a 'little old lady' lived here! We did laugh!

I am about to hit 70 and definitely get tired easily and my skin and face has changed in the last few years but I feel young! I cycle a great deal, in my cycle gear that is not trendy but more comfy. My bike is big and a sit up and beg one with a basket on the front and but I can cycle 30 miles or just over and I have seen younger people in their 30 's using electric bikes! But I still get called dear or worse still sweetie! And asked if I need any help now and again. Floria, treat yourself now and again by doing something just for you and just be proud of yourself for all you have achieved or are doing. Hope this all makes sense.

Floria, this is the trouble when, as far as family is concerned, we are all things to all people and we are able to smile and stay strong even in troubled times. We end up becoming the family rock, and yes, people know we cope and don't complain. I suspect many of us, now " getting on a bit" feel the same way.

Occasionally it's good to try and be good to ourselves and forget the needs of others for a while, but I think when we become mothers that's it!! We carry on trying to do our best if we possibly can, for all family members.

I try to remember that I have less time in front of me these days, and if I am not going to carve out some blissful 'me time' now, after a life of graft and stress, then when will I?

I think we owe it to ourselves now to try and make life as pleasant and easy as we possibly can, before we pop our clogs.

Old age brings problems with it of health and strength, and although I tell myself I am invincible ( hah!) I know I am slowing down.

Floria, you are not a grump, but you are stretched thinly by all your commitments, and people get so used to you being there and strong that they forget you need time off too, and time to recharge your batteries. I have many health problems but I am so very thankful that I can do things still and be there for my family. Yes, the mirror tells us we aren't as young as we once were, but it's lovely that you are young at heart and don't give in to age. It is but a number. Like you, I am strong in spirit and never want to be a burden to anyone, so I have decided to love myself a little bit more, knowing I can't go on forever.

Try and do a little less for others, and a bit more for yourself if you can. It's a blessing to be strong and healthy but it can mean people take your energy for granted. Be unavailable, occasionally. ( Easier said than done, I know.)

It must be a very worrying time for you as your husband is due to have a big heart operation. It is very hard to watch those we love suffering ill-health. Be kind to yourself and ask your family for help. It may be that they don't realise how you are feeling. Trusting all goes well.

Thank you to all you lovely Gransnetters. Would you believe it ...I was having coffee with a friend on this lovely afternoon and we were chatting about this very subject - feeling a bit older and tired. My friend said "what you??? You always look so trendy and "with it" (!!!) you do so much and are so capable - how can you feel old??? It made me think. I am lucky to have a very positive outlook (apart from this single temporary lapse which alarmed me!!). So thank you all again - we just need to give ourselves a pat on the back sometimes and realise what a lovely, supportive network we are!

I feel the same, Floriatosca. My DH has PD and we also have a mentally handicapped son at home, and also do some care of DGC. I've accepted that this is my role. Recently, someone asked how was I, as, he said, this must all be quite hard on me. It was so unexpected, that I was quite overwhelmed, to the extent that tears came! I really appreciated their kindness.

May you have many more all you who have recent birthdays ?

I have never felt old and I never felt young. The person inside me does not have an age.

The signs of an aging body have never bothered me. They come as no surprise, I have always known that that was part of life's procession from start to finish.

There is absolutely nothing anyone can do about it, why waste anytime even thinking about it, there are so many more useful and pleasurable things to think about.

"Inside every old person, there is a young person wondering what happened" !!! LOL

I think that when one's partner is ill / needs looking after, it can be such a worrying time, and in some ways can make you feel older than when anything happens to you.
It's like the old joke (for women) that you are as old as the man you feel!
So yes, cut yourself some slack, tell the family you need a bit of time to care for OH, and give yourself a bit of 'me' or at least 'us' time as well.
Pick up again when it suits, and if that is at a slightly lower level, then that's life.
And thanks Pauline!

Dear Floriatosca,

You know what you do - you give yourself some slack! Ageing can be accepted and moved through comfortably with a happy heart if you allow yourself to say thank you to "you" and for the friends and family you have in your life, and have gratefulness for a body that co-operates with the lifestyle that you are choosing to lead. You can't change yesterday and you don't know what tomorrow may bring (especially at this age) so just accept the wrinkles, the less flexible body, the culture that sees you as an "old person" . It's now time to put yourself at the top of your "to do" every morning when you open your eyes and celebrate the wonderful person that age has allowed you to become. There really is no other way forward .....Pauline

I bet your lovely big family absolutely adore you and would be very concerned that you feel as you do. We all have those days when we look in the mirror and think, "how did that happen?" But you must think of how you are inside and all the wonderful things you do by the sound of it and I don't doubt, how much you are loved and valued. I'm a Grandma now and I'm falling over myself to do things for my daughters family , it's such a privilege to be a Gran . Lots of people aren't . I bet you don't look as old as you think so be kind to yourself as you sound just lovely!!!

Hey you young uns !!! I was 80 on Monday and had a lovely Pre-Birthday Family Celebration on Sunday with lots of banners and balloons in the conservatory and my choice of Cup Cakes.....all done by my Lovely DIL....who I call my DD as I never had any children. I just wish I was 60 instead so that I could see my Lovely GD''s
grow into beautiful young ladies.
But I value the relationship we all have NOW.

Count Your Blessings is My Motto. And
Enjoy your "Under 80 Years" NOW while you have them.

Feeling very old today having looked after five grandchildren from two families yesterday since it's the school holidays. When I commented to DD last night that I felt tired, she looked amused and said I should try doing it every day as well as working. She has obviously forgotten that I did exactly that 30 years ago! Hair and nails being done later in the week so that I present a younger image when I go on holiday at the weekend.