how did your position in your family affect you and your life.

Yes I do think my position in the family did have an impact on my life. I was (still am!) a middle child with a brother 18 months older and a sister 9 years younger.

My mother quite openly told me that I was unexpected and at an inconvenient time for them and that she tried the gin and hot bath treatment when she was first pregnant with me - to no avail it would seem! So that made me feel great!

My older brother was to some extent the golden boy - he was certainly allowed to do much more than I was, even though my mother was stridently feminist. Although to be fair my education was valued as highly as his. In fact my sister and I achieved more academically than my brother. My younger sister was of course the baby (and planned! - or so they say).

So - not the golden boy, not wanted, and not the baby! So who am I?!

Like you gilly I had to take my younger sister with me wherever I went, when your sibling is 10.5 years younger it is awful. I left home when sister was seven and then I had some life.

What a really interesting post. Especially as l, like Angela1961 & Silversands, was an only child. Had a very happy and much loved childhood but always wanted a sister. Now l have an insight into what it could have been like. My parents are long dead now and l often think of something l would like to ask them and no brother or sister to share thoughts with. On the plus side, l have a wonderful husband and daughter.

That's lovely that the older children are god parents to the younger ones Anniebach I wish my parents had been so understanding. I was expected to trawl by little sister with me everywhere and if she couldn't go then neither could I . I remember my friend asking if I could sleep over at hers. I was about 13 at the time and my sister would have been 8. I was very excited. My mum had the cheek to say that yes, I could sleep but my little sister had to sleep too. Imagine what my friends parents must've thought? She did come with me and slept over and I hated her for it. Needless to say I was never asked back.

I was expected to follow my sister...do as she did. If she hadn't liked doing something I of course would not like doing it. How did it impact? I am a rebel of course and loving it

I am eldest of five , my parents made sure I wasn't expected to take responsibility for the younger ones, the younger ones were not allowed to intrude on my privacy and I had my special time alone with my parents . Now our children are very close, eleven cousins who are also close friends and all are Godparents to the next generation

I am the middle child of five, four girls, my younger brother and sister are twins. I always have known my eldest sister was jealous of me and that my father only wanted daughters.

It's only recently my eldest sister told me what happened to her when our sister (who was born when my sister was seven and I was 2 1/2), died 3 months later. My sister thinks that was the time she and mum became distant, also mum had another baby who died at birth when my eldest sister was around two. My mother in her grief seemed to forget my sister had lost a sibling while I who remember our baby dying was too young to be really affected. I was the one who mum always said helped her through it, (because I was home with her all day while my older sisters were at school), My maternal grandmother and my father were useless to say the least. My sister must have been feeling pushed out and then having to hear how I helped mum get through losing her baby. Then because I had very blonde hair I was called The blonde by my father and my sister was called Cabbage Head. I feel really sorry my sister went through this and I paid for a lot of my parents not thinking what they were saying and doing.

It is only recently, my brother who I have always got on with has talked about how our father really showed how he just never wanted sons. My maternal grandparents also said they disowned my brother (their only grandson) because he wouldn't be carrying on their name.

For me I always wanted to be an only child, I was always blamed for everything. My brother has also said I was the one who got the blame.

Parents do so much damage and surely they are aware of what is coming out of their mouths.

I was the 3rd of 3 with 2 brothers 4 and 5 years older than me. They were born at the beginning of the war, me at the end, I felt my father never bonded with his sons as he was away, like many fathers serving in a very dangerous war, i was the apple of his eye, My mother treated us equally and loved us all.

My brothers were close and had lots of friends and shared interests until the 11+ then one passed and the other didn't. They did still do things together but it wasn't the same, In the end the brother that went to the grammar school didn't educationly do much better than the other and I did the best,

On reflection now I feel the war had a great effect on our father and his relationship with us children and he had PTS.

My brothers were good to me, but liked to run away when they had to look after me. At about age 9 my mother bought me a very smart hat which my brothers didn't appreciate as they use to make me walk behind them when we went to Sunday school, but they were good brothers

My mother died at 51 and my father treated my brothers rather badly and I was his favourite. I felt very bad about that and took him to task at times. I loved my father but I didn't want to be his favourite,

((?)) Marydoll

I was the elest of two as I had a brother 3 and a half years younger. I was the one who was unexpected to excel at everything and it was always my duty to do things. My mother always spoilt my brother. He was the golden boy to her. I had lots of chores but he always got away with doing nothing. My Dad was always very fair with us both. I think my Mum realised in later life that she had spoilt him. Yet it was me who had her living with me for the last 11 years of her life. He never bothered with her.
My husband in the other hand was the youngest of 3 boys and totally spoilt by his mother. He hasnt had children despite 3 marriages. At the moment we are visiting England to see my children but he doesn't understand why I am bothering ss he has no family left. I tried to explain that it has always been my duty to keep the family together. But he cannot understand this and his reply was that my children didnt feel any duty to come and see me though. So I think there is a big difference according to where you are born in the family.

gillybob you have overcome a lot and yes, you are very special and your family is very lucky to have you - you are always there, supporting and fighting their corner for them.
Who could ask for more?

Oh dear Marydoll that is sad

Parents shouldn't have favourites and, if they feel closer to one child than another, must never ever show it.

My mother married late in life to a much older man. After having me she was told she would never have any more children. However, seven years later my brother was born. From the day and hour he was born, he was the golden boy to both my parents. They barely hid their favouritism.
Money was very short and all I ever wanted as a child was a two wheeler bike, like all my friends had. One Christmas morning I got up to an umbrella in my stocking and my brother got a beautiful bike. I knew then who the favourite was.
I nursed my mother for a long time,whilst bringing up my children and working full time. If we were lucky, my brother would come once a week for about an hour. When she was very ill and deteriorating fast, my brother decided to go on holiday to France regardless. It took three days to get in touch with him. He arrived at my mother's beside and spoke to her. She hadn't been responsive for days, but on hearing his voice, she smiled and slipped away. It broke my heart, as I knew then, he was indeed the favourite. It has blighted my life, but I have tried so hard to love my own children equally.

Oh nancan, I'm so sorry. But so glad that you and your brother are good friends - my brother hasn't spoken to me for seventeen years and I have no idea why. I'm sure you are a great friend to others too.

Gillybob, your post made me cry. My daughter is a single mum with a vile ex and all I hope for her is a new man who will be the love of her life. You've shown me that it's possible. Thankyou.

I was born to mum aged 22 married to dominating man aged 33. I was never wanted, never loved. Grew up lonely and sad. 8 years later' Golden Boy' was born and their life changed forever. My brother and I are great friends and he knows he was the chosen one. I have had depression since the age of 14 and still battling it.

Girls in our family did chores and worked hard for our pocket money. Boys oh lordy lordy treated like royalty. No chores still got pocket money ( more than girls ). Two out of three ran into trouble but man bailed them out every time and would hear nothing bad about them. One turned out ok. Have lost contact with all family

I'm the youngest of 3, brother older by 7 yrs, sister 3 yrs older.
My parents were told I would be mentally and physically handicapped (but don't worry Mrs ##### you have two 'normal children '!!!).
It wasn't until I was around 2 & hitting milestones drs realised they'd made a mistake! So up until that point I was treated differently.
I struggled to live up to my sisters golden girl reputation and rebelled ..... alot!
Only as an adult did I find out she struggled being the golden girl our father expected her to be ?

I am an only child, was spoilt with love but not material things. My mother became very ill while she was pregnant with me with Toxaemia. Consequently I was delivered early but we were both fine. I desperately wanted a sibling both then and now but it wasn't to be and my mother died early when I was a child. My father is still alive at the grand old age of 92. To be honest I don't know what I would do without him. I'm very lucky, I know! My youngest is expecting a third child, a boy. It is a reasonably small gap as the girls are 6 and 4. However I'm concerned that the youngest girl will be the one who feels this most being a 'middle' child. Was hoping as this is not another girl that this would not be a problem. Now I'm not sure!

I am blushing now Norah

I just try to do my best for my small family. That's it really. Trying to live up to my own grandma would be an impossible task as she was a saint in my eyes.

I consider myself very lucky to have found DH. I would never say "DH number 3" as he is the only DH I have ever had, the other 2 were just H's [I am confusing myself now)well the first one was actually BBH (you can work that one out yourself )

No. 1 I was told to marry him, as I had a baby at 18. He left me with my son after only a few months (well weeks really).

No. 2 I met and married when I was a very lonely single parent. A nice man but, fiercely jealous of my son (to whom I dedicated my life at the time) but he gave me my lovely daughter. We might have stayed together forever although I suspect not.

No. 3 (The love of my life) I met when I was working as a secretary for a large engineering company. He was 10 years older than me, very quiet and our paths didn't often cross (I think I have told this story on GN before) then some flowers arrived to the factory on Valentines day with my name on them and all the men speculated who had sent them... pointing the blame at various people... having a good old laugh as well. No-one thought about the quiet Electrical Engineer (saying nothing) who eventually confessed to having sent them. The rest is history and we have been together since 1992. He has been a brilliant step father to my two children. He is a lovely, lovely man, although for some reason he hasn't learned to put a new bin bag into the bin after he has emptied it but I can forgive him that.

I buy (Asda) supermarket own brand bleach and the bottles come in various bleachy scents. Arctic Blue (blue bottle) Flowery Pink (or whatever) Alpine Green... etc.

I change my colour codes often just to keep him on his toes and to match the bath mat

yes I know I am cuckoo

And, gillybob, I love to read your posts. What colour is a bleach bottle?

gillybob, such a wonderful message, finding the love of your life after such a distressing beginning at parenting and married life. I agree with the ones who say you have so much to offer.

I am in awe of all you do for your family and GC.

I bet you're glad you weren't sister number 3 thuberon how cruel.

I am the middle child of three sisters. Our mother called us "the good, the bad and the ugly". Bless her!

Phew! Thank you gillybob and I am so happy to hear that you have found 'the love of your life'

Of course you haven't offended me nanaK54 I don't "do" offended. No need to explain yourself either.

It's true though, I am on to husband number 3.

No. 1 left me holding the baby.
No. 2 died very young.
No. 3 The love of my life.