Child taking a present to another child's birthday party

I wasn't going to add more to this, as clearly I witness extravagance more frequently than many others.
It almost becomes the norm in some circles to be excessive, so it is neither obscene nor vulgar.
These are probably the same parents who individually give our teachers £100 vouchers, tickets to shows, expensive champagne, jewellery etc. as presents. If they can afford it, that's all well and good.

While I don't disagree with comments on here that parents should keep birthday presents simple and inexpensive, I don't necessarily think they should they should be expected to dumb down their gifts just because others might see them as extravagant.

the book idea is brilliant. I have 5 children and could not (or would not) 65 quid on a cake! Everything seems like its keeping up with The Joneses!!

I can't bear how everything is so excessive these days..

The norm in many European countries is that the friends' mothers get tegethwr and have a collection and buy one gift that the child wants. Sounds a much better idea. A German friend was telling me how difficult she found finding suitable presents when she lived in the UK.

Last weekend was DGD's 10th birthday. All of us, including her parents were taken aback by how many parents just popped a £10 note in the card rather than buy a little gift. Clearly where they live £10 is the norm, although, that seemed a lot to us.

I suppose if you just want to put a bank note in a card, it has got to be £5, £10 or £20, and people think £5 looks mean.

I'm not convinced that the area dictates very much the type of party provided.

My local dgc have gone to parties at 'venues' and take a gift of around £10/£15. At their local primary school where the party circles are made up from, it is a very broad mix socially, from the higher paid to others on benefits. The fancy parties appear to be provided regardless.

In my original post I mentioned that I had asked a family member who lived abroad what they did . This family member and his wife are both professionals and have lived in the USA for many years, that is where they came across the 'bring a book' idea. They live quite modestly in order to be able to afford to live in a nice-ish area. They plan on doing the bring a book for their own child's birthday this summer and having a party - old style- in their garden. Perhaps even in the USA they are getting fed up with the OTT approach and looking back to the simple fun.

I am delighted at the positive response to the bring a book idea. It only takes a few parents to take a stand in their child's social circle and the idea could well take off.

And most likely, there would be many happy parents.

The book idea is inspired!

I always give a £10 gift voucher and let them chose something they would like for themself as I don't know what they already have or how much space etc. I think most parties DS goes to other parents seem to spend similar.

We were poorer parents living adjacent to the most expensive towns in the country. Our rchildren were at the rich kids' schools by dint of us living like paupers to afford the education. The parties were an eye opener. One set of 'new money' parents gave party bags with gifts which cost about twice what we had spent on the present. Others had food taxi-ed in from restaurants. Some specified dressing up costumes which cost more than school uniform at a normal school Oh, how we laughed. In the end we found a tenner in a card (saves on buying paper) did the job.

The 'bring a book' idea seems brilliant. Children still like books and nothing could do them more good than reading one.

Over the top spending on children is necessary to prepare them for their future £20,000 weddings
Apparently it is now usual to give your birthday child stacks of presents and grandparents give stacks more, not the one gift we used to give.
The birthday cake costs up to £65. The party must be for the whole class, at a professional venue. Then there's the birthday outing, at least £100.
No wonder so many parents have only one or two children, I gave my children lots of siblings and homemade fun instead of material excess. Did they thank me for it? No, of course not!

My DIL has time to look round for bargains, although I would offer to help if it was needed.
In the past I had to juggle work, housework and childcare but still had to look for bargains ( needs must!) for the children.There weren't many cheap places around then either.
Obviously, some have no need to seek out bargains, and no time either.

Yes it's redicioulous and so are the parties, over the top.

NemosMum Yes, summer birthdays outside can be great - but I do have a photo of us all huddled in anoraks on a very chilly June day enjoying DS's birthday!

Also love Coolgran's book exchange idea! DDs birthdays are June and September. We used to put up our very large frame tent in the back garden. Food was put on camping tables and we had paper cups and plates, so next to no washing up to do, and the birds ate the dropped crumbs. We organised a few games, then had the birthday cake, and let the kids have free play. They loved it! Yes, we did try soft-play and some other venues, but they were never as good. As for the elaborate and expensive parties one hears about now, they are the equivalent of a native american potlatch. They are not for the benefit of the children, but to show off to other parents, or in fear of what others will say.

The book idea is fantastic one Coolgran - will definitely pass that on! I was horrified when my DGD's little friend gave her £10 in a card, but £15 or £20 is just ridiculous.

Luckily, as parties get more ornate here and include things like going to soft play and such my daughters have been quite clever and gone the other way. Only friends are invited not the whole class.

Its held at home in the garden when possible. There are games like pass the parcel that some of them have never heard of . We play pin the tail on the donkey , sleeping lions , chase and all sorts of boisterous activities supervised by a group of mummies.

The cake is always special , but the rest of the food is home made, usually themed to the party and simple. Everyone gets a party bag , filled with home made bits and bobs courtesy of Nana , everyone gets a balloon, a badge and a hug goodbye!

You'd be surprised how much the Mummies enjoy the party let alone the little ones.

Neat solution, Tizliz!

I had a party organiser for my kids' parties. I hated doing them but my, childless, friend loved them. So I let her get on with it. I did bake a cake though, it was games with balloons that sent me scurrying from the room.

My children grew up in the 80's and parties were mostly still like that then jananana

Of course it varies with the area people live in, the school children go to and other factors. The main thing is to try to choose something the birthday child will actually use regardless of spending a set amount.
Basically no one should feel pressured into spending more than they can afford. These days a lot of people regard living in a thrifty way a postive thing. On the tv programmes the families spending huge amounts unnecessarily really don't seem people to be admired or envied, more pitied for their confusion and obsession with cost and labels.

I am just thankful that my children were born in the late 60s and early 70s and birthday parties and gifts were less of a headache. Back then everyone had the party at home. I used to make a three layer sponge cake - butter cream and jam filling and buy one of those paper frills to put around it. On the top I would make a spreadable if slightly runny icing from scratch before adding the required amount of candles. The food would be equally home made, including a variety of sandwiches, sausages on sticks, cheese and pineapple cubes etc crisps and nibbles. Followed by individual trifles of which I made using recycled margarine tubs to put them in...each child got an equally good portion. Lots of indoor party games with small prizes such as a tube of Smarties. Going home each child got a piece of birthday cake to take with them plus an extra piece if they had small brother or sister at home for them. Not forgetting their balloon and paperhats that I would make and customise with glitter. The presents the guests brought were simple like a colouring book, a yo-yo, a ladybird book which were inexpensive in those days.Nobody would ever think of bringing a gift of money (unless it was from a relative). Those were long ago times and on reflection think there is a lot that could be learned for today's mums and dads who are often struggling financially. Simply pleasures .

My Ds took Dgd's friends for a picnic in the woods on her 3rd birthday. After the tea all children made leaf pictures to take home. Everyone had a brilliant time

I'm sorry Mmb what assumptions have I made about YOUR lifestyle? If you read carefully you will see I am referring to those in MY immediate circle in the area in which I live and work. I think other posters understood that.

The party bags were certainly de rigueur when my children were small containing junk knick-knacks, chocolate and cake - and the oldest one is in her 40s now. However, I do remember one of them coming home from a party with a beautifully wrapped present once - the trend did not catch on amongst the other mums thank goodness!

It just needs one very popular Mum to say 'enough is enough' if they are brave enough.

That's a sad tale, BlueBelle. What a shame that some children are brought up to know the price of everything and the value of nothing