Bereavement before a wedding

My mother died a couple of weeks before the entire family was off to France for our dd's wedding. She was in her late 90s, though, and had been suffering from dementia for ages, so TBH we were all somewhat relieved that it had happened then, and not while we were all away - it would have been awful if none of us could have been with her, not that she seemed at all aware of whether we were or not.

Her death did not cloud the wedding at all - nobody could really be too sad that she'd finally been released from a horrible disease. Obviously these weren't necessarily common circumstances, but I honestly don't think we could have cancelled anyway - it was quite a big do so never mind caterers, etc., a lot of people had booked flights and accommodation, etc. And I'm sure she'd have been the last person to want such an event cancelled on her account. We did of course think of her a lot, and drink various toasts to dear absent Granny.

What would the bride's grandfather say, I wonder, if he could? Most grandfathers would, I'm sure, want it to go ahead, and for the family to think of him, and maybe raise a glass of bubbly to him.

DD was very close to my parents who are both now dead sadly. She is getting married in August and has had a locket sized charm made to go on her bouquet which has a miniature of her grandparents on their wedding day. Very discreet, not mawkish and they will be going with her down the aisle.

My father died three weeks before I was due to be married. I wanted to cancel it, but my mother insisted it go ahead as planned.

We had a wonderful day, although my younger brother had to step up to the plate during the ceremony of being 'given away', and my dad was very much missed.

I think protocol doesn't really come into it, as long as the bride and groom feel it's what they to do.

A sad loss, but a new beginning.

Such sad stories ladies. Made me cry (very emotional at moment). My mum used to say ' always somebody worse off than you'. Hope it all works out well.

My husband and I have told our 3 children if anything happens to either of us any weddings celebrations have to go ahead as if we were there.

My brother in law's wife's father died six weeks before their wedding. They decided to go ahead as they felt this was what he would have wanted. Both the bride and her mother were very brave and had a happy day notwithstanding. Perhaps it helped that there were not hundreds of guests - just those people who meant most to the immediate family.

This couple have stayed happily married for over 40 years and her mother lives close by and sees them often.

Not wishing to sound unkind but if the funeral is the same week as the wedding then it's usually in the week, unless your son and his fiancée have a mid week wedding, which is difficult.
Whatever they decide will there decision to make together.

This isn't the brides father, or son, but her grandfather. Sad as it undoubtedly is I think a photo and a candle is a step too far. By all means raise a glass to him at the reception, but let's not go OTT and turn this into a memorial service, which I'm sure he would not want.

It's the couples wedding day FHS.

Sorry to hear about your loss. I expect your lovely Grandad would have wanted your wedding to go ahead ,,,love the idea of placing a candle or something else on a table in remembrance of his long life.

In my case, my mother was in her last days being cared for in a nursing home but was expected to live for a further month .....I was married on the Saturday and some lovely friends drove my dad to my wedding so he could give me away ,,,they only stayed a short time at the reception and drove him home again (about 80 miles) I gave him my bouquet to take to my mum ......I had asked the vicar if I should cancel the wedding, but he said no, you will need the support of your husband and his family ......my dad said my mum would be there when I got back from honeymoon and that she and he both thought I should go (I was also going to cancel that)....I phoned the nursing home every day ..couldn't speak to mum as she was too ill ....they assured me all was ok....the day before I was due to return she died ..so I never got to see her again but my dad said she was happy to hear I had got married so that was comforting.

I hope you and your family will be able to have a lovely wedding and a celebration of your dear granddad's life ! Bon chance

On the day of my brother's wedding my aunt had a stroke and passed away. It was the first time all my mother's family had been together for many years which may not have helped.
Luckily my brother and his wife had just left for their honeymoon so they never found out unttil they returned.

At my daughter's wedding we had a candle with her Father's photo on it and a little poem remembering him. This was lit in the church and at the reception and she paid tribute to him in a speech. She also had ribbons printed with photos of my husband and I at our wedding and her grandparents at their wedding which hung from her bouquet. Not what everybody would want but it was a comfort to her.

my brother and his wife asked us, as a family, if they should defer their wedding after our mother died a couple of months before. All the family, especially our father , were clear that Mum would have been horrified to think she had caused that kind of worry and concern! They just had a simple toast to 'loved ones unable to be with us'. It was a joyful wedding and mum would have been so pleased!

I think it's completely up to the bride and groom with consideration for the bride's mother. There is no point in 'the show going on' if grief gets in the way.

However, shock will be a big element right now, on top of wedding prep nerves and stress. Three weeks will givebreathing space and it's not quite the same as losing a parent or child (no disrespect to gp's).

The wedding is more of a fixed rate so would it be possible to have the funeral asap or after the wedding?
The idea of a few tears at a wedding sounds fine. However, if someone significant to me had died around the time of my wedding, I'd have been heaving and blotchy faced.

So sorry four your family and Dil to be

We got a lovely white artificial tree branch in hobbycraft and made a memory table , hanging pictures of loved departed ones, with a floral tribute . Made it a memory table , much admired. That generation would undoubtedly have wanted u to go ahead with wedding.

At my wedding my ex husband grandma died 2 week before wedding and my uncle a week later went ahead .
My uncle partner did not come his death was a big shock so they were not up to it.
My mother in law was aright she said later that it gave her something to look forward as her mum had been ill for a long time and she had been looking after her.

My friends husband died suddenly 3 days before her son got married. The wedding went ahead as it would have cost lots of money to cancel. No matter how you look at it life must go on. Do what you are comfortable with.

DM died two weeks before my sister's wedding. The funeral was three days before the wedding. DP had been happily married for nearly 60 years and DM's death was completely unexpected.

DF insisted the wedding went ahead as planned, my DM had so been looking forward to it. It was to be a quiet wedding anyway. Registry Office and sit down meal for 30. We remembered her in the speeches and toasts and our conversation.

This is a very good pointer for me. I must reinforce the thought that the show should go on no matter should I die minutes (exaggerated I hope!) before whatever it is. If I'm not respected before then, it shouldn't be pretended for public show. Let's face it, love shines through and close families know inside out what should happen. Sadness, shock? Certainly. Save it for later and prioritise.

My father died the day before my sons wedding. My Mum's instructions were that they were to carry on. we followed the old RAF tradition of standing a whisky behind the bar for my father. Mum and Dad lost their best man in a bomb raid over Germany two days before their wedding - an uncle stood in his place. Sadness is always there, but life has to carry on

My DD was reluctant to have mention of her dad at her wedding even after 20 years, just because she didn't want to cry, but did want to remember him. She incorporated his wedding ring in her bouquet and had on display a photo of the two of them together with a poem, but placed it next to a display of family photos to lessen any mournful tone

In the Jewish religion, a wedding must go ahead, even if there is a close death in the family. The main mourners would sit outside the hall if there is music, but your grand daughter is not a main mourner (and presumably, not Jewish), so the wedding should go as planned. A wedding is supposed to be a happy event, so I think a mention in a speech would be appropriate and maybe a toast in his honour.

My husband died a week before my daughters wedding. we went ahead with it, the vicar lit a candle and obviously said a prayer for him and I delivered his speech, that he had spent so much time on writing, at the reception. We preserved the bouquet and it was put on top of his coffin for the funeral.It was a very sad time, but the thought of cancelling was never an option for us, he had been looking forward to it so much

Mollie and cookie ?My d-il grandma died just before they married brides dad mentioned her in his speech she did have a little cry then got on with enjoying wedding which is what grandma would have wanted .

He was an elder and had a good life and would want her happiness, so I would keep the wedding, mention him a little think of him a lot. I think when younger people die it is harde but his passing is part of the natural way of things.

My dad was diagnosed with cancer so I arranged a speedy wedding so he could walk me down the aisle. He never made it and his funeral was same week as my wedding, but we went ahead anyway, very low key, no disco or anything, just ceremony and afternoon tea. We had a memorial table with candles and photos, my daughter had also recently just died so it was a double heartache but as she could not be bridesmaid I had her photo in a heart shaped keychain hanging from my bouquet so she came down the aisle with me. Loved ones would not want everyone moping around, they would want us to carry on with our lives no matter how hard when dealing with our grief.