Bereavement before a wedding

This happened to me twice. My son died six weeks before my second marriage, my grandfather six weeks before my first. I wasn't aware of a protocol, I think it's personal choice. I cancelled the guests after my son died and just quietly married my husband with only witnesses in attendance. Perhaps it's better to concentrate on the couple marrying - the brides bouquet could be taken to the grave afterwards as both mine were. Best wishes to the couple.

Of course they should go ahead with the wedding. I'm sure her grandfather would have wished that, apart from the expense and inconvenience of cancelling.

There ought to be a mention of her GF at the wedding and a toast to him would be appropriate. I love the idea of laying the brides bouquet on his grave too.

I agree go ahead with the wedding. They could ask the vicar, if it is a church wedding ,to mention the grandfather in his addresss if they wish. I agree about the bride's bouquet. Lovely idea if geographically convenient.

If he leaves a widow, it would be kind to make sure she is wel supported by a named family member(s) or a good friend, as this might be very stressful for her.

I agree with Anya & mumofmadboys, remember him in the ceremony , if I died I would want it all to go ahead as planned,. I think though the death of a child as happened to Mollie is different, that must have been so hard for you Mollie.

Mollie that must have been awful for you.
Thank you for your idea's. It will be a creamation and 200 miles away so bouqet idea maybe difficult. My son will def raise a toast to him. The idea of mentioning him in the ceremony is lovely, but I fear will result in the bride falling into floods of tears. Such a shame this has happened to their family as their first grandchild gets married. His widow will have lots of family support.

My beloved Great Grandma died 5 weeks before our wedding, we went ahead for lots of reasons but the main one being she would have been really upset if we had cancelled, she would have said "life goes on".

I've been to a wedding where they layed a place at the table for the deceased and put a photo in the middle of the setting.

Timing is never convenient. There used to be a cancer advert on the tv with a bride in her dress saying, "My mum should be here." It reduced me to tears every time, because it happened to me. Tears are fine Chris, even at a wedding, it's perfectly natural in the healing process and your DiL wouldn't be very caring if she weren't upset. Big hugs and kisses will help, as will mentioning him in an address.
Personally candles and photos of the deceased are not my thing, especially at someones else's event, however close they were.

There's no set etiquette for this sad situation Chris, just family choice.
The husband of close friend invited to DD wedding died the week before. Close friend decided to carry on & attend the wedding anyway, bringing her own daughter for support. I remember watching them dance at the Reception. She said much later that she was glad she went for all sorts of reasons.

We have just had a similar situation. My son's wife lost a baby at 20 weeks a week before his sister got married last Friday. She was married abroad so there was no way my son or his wife could attend. I do not think for a minute that they expected her to cancel the wedding - they are just extremely sad that they could not be there.

My dad was diagnosed with cancer so I arranged a speedy wedding so he could walk me down the aisle. He never made it and his funeral was same week as my wedding, but we went ahead anyway, very low key, no disco or anything, just ceremony and afternoon tea. We had a memorial table with candles and photos, my daughter had also recently just died so it was a double heartache but as she could not be bridesmaid I had her photo in a heart shaped keychain hanging from my bouquet so she came down the aisle with me. Loved ones would not want everyone moping around, they would want us to carry on with our lives no matter how hard when dealing with our grief.

He was an elder and had a good life and would want her happiness, so I would keep the wedding, mention him a little think of him a lot. I think when younger people die it is harde but his passing is part of the natural way of things.

Mollie and cookie ?My d-il grandma died just before they married brides dad mentioned her in his speech she did have a little cry then got on with enjoying wedding which is what grandma would have wanted .

My husband died a week before my daughters wedding. we went ahead with it, the vicar lit a candle and obviously said a prayer for him and I delivered his speech, that he had spent so much time on writing, at the reception. We preserved the bouquet and it was put on top of his coffin for the funeral.It was a very sad time, but the thought of cancelling was never an option for us, he had been looking forward to it so much

In the Jewish religion, a wedding must go ahead, even if there is a close death in the family. The main mourners would sit outside the hall if there is music, but your grand daughter is not a main mourner (and presumably, not Jewish), so the wedding should go as planned. A wedding is supposed to be a happy event, so I think a mention in a speech would be appropriate and maybe a toast in his honour.

My DD was reluctant to have mention of her dad at her wedding even after 20 years, just because she didn't want to cry, but did want to remember him. She incorporated his wedding ring in her bouquet and had on display a photo of the two of them together with a poem, but placed it next to a display of family photos to lessen any mournful tone

My father died the day before my sons wedding. My Mum's instructions were that they were to carry on. we followed the old RAF tradition of standing a whisky behind the bar for my father. Mum and Dad lost their best man in a bomb raid over Germany two days before their wedding - an uncle stood in his place. Sadness is always there, but life has to carry on

This is a very good pointer for me. I must reinforce the thought that the show should go on no matter should I die minutes (exaggerated I hope!) before whatever it is. If I'm not respected before then, it shouldn't be pretended for public show. Let's face it, love shines through and close families know inside out what should happen. Sadness, shock? Certainly. Save it for later and prioritise.

DM died two weeks before my sister's wedding. The funeral was three days before the wedding. DP had been happily married for nearly 60 years and DM's death was completely unexpected.

DF insisted the wedding went ahead as planned, my DM had so been looking forward to it. It was to be a quiet wedding anyway. Registry Office and sit down meal for 30. We remembered her in the speeches and toasts and our conversation.

My friends husband died suddenly 3 days before her son got married. The wedding went ahead as it would have cost lots of money to cancel. No matter how you look at it life must go on. Do what you are comfortable with.

At my wedding my ex husband grandma died 2 week before wedding and my uncle a week later went ahead .
My uncle partner did not come his death was a big shock so they were not up to it.
My mother in law was aright she said later that it gave her something to look forward as her mum had been ill for a long time and she had been looking after her.

We got a lovely white artificial tree branch in hobbycraft and made a memory table , hanging pictures of loved departed ones, with a floral tribute . Made it a memory table , much admired. That generation would undoubtedly have wanted u to go ahead with wedding.

I think it's completely up to the bride and groom with consideration for the bride's mother. There is no point in 'the show going on' if grief gets in the way.

However, shock will be a big element right now, on top of wedding prep nerves and stress. Three weeks will givebreathing space and it's not quite the same as losing a parent or child (no disrespect to gp's).

The wedding is more of a fixed rate so would it be possible to have the funeral asap or after the wedding?
The idea of a few tears at a wedding sounds fine. However, if someone significant to me had died around the time of my wedding, I'd have been heaving and blotchy faced.

So sorry four your family and Dil to be