Things that I have started and REALLY must stop!

No need to stop Phoenix I am sure the throat humming is preparing you for joining in with the Inuit throat singers (as seen on TV) ?

Everyone knows that cats are intelligent creatures and are quite happy to discuss most subjects with their humans.?

Flexed hips - good yoga position to practice. You won't look at all out of place.... if only you can remember where you parked your horse ?!

Practicing sound effects, even when there is no one around can be useful for stage career (with your John Wayne tendencies you could also practice banging coconut shells together to imitate horses trotting)?

As for the whiskers, nothing wrong with that. I do it all the time. Either have a large magnifying mirror with you at all times and a heavy duty pair of tweezers or grow a full beard like I do

I am weeping here !!

Oh heavens phoenix , you've made me look at myself and I'm also guilty of the throat humming when not im cooking too. . Apparently, I'm also guilty of talking to taps, doors and light switches too. Before we leave the house, I go round checking windows are shut; taps are off and doors are locked. But apparently I say "you're shut, you're off, you're locked" and then we can leave. OH says he lives to see the day when one of the inanimate objects replies and what my reaction would be.

Noises when standing.......check
Talking to cat.....check
Talking to inanimate objects cheifly washing machine, dishwasher and microwave when they're incesantly beeping.....check

add to this talking to the TV

Chewbacca how on earth could I have forgotten talking to inanimate objects?!

Except my speciality is threatening them, or occasionally pleading with them.

This is mainly directed at electrical appliances who don't seem to understand that their only reason for being allowed to "live" is fulfilling their given function.

I confess, I once completely annihilated a vacuum cleaner that was incapable of picking up dog hair. I took it outside and beat it to death on a concrete floor. In my defence, I regarded it as a mercy killing.

With regard to the toaster, I plead the 5th amendment.

And anything that printer says is an absolute lie.

I've found my people!

Sitting with one foot tucked under my bum. It puts my back in a more comfortable position but then I wonder why my foot crunches painfully when I walk.

Now I don't need to worry when I find myself addressing a pot plant: 'You're looking healthy today', or 'Looking a bit peaky, aren't you.' And when I find something I've been looking for: 'Oh there you are. Where have you been?' So far there have been no replies but I live in expectation.

Leaning forward, chin in hand, peering at the screen which is about 4 inches from my face.
Must make that optician's appointment.

Talking to myself in shops

and I talk to the DGD's soft toys , 'now come on Teddy, you don't look very comfy' etc
which just means that I am missing having a dog around the place.

Wandering around the house, room to room, searching for my glasses. They are always on the top of my head and I only "find" them when I bend down to search down the sides of the chair and then they fall off. Regrettably, I don't get that luxury when I get up from the chair to make a cup of tea, oh no! Because for some reason, when I get up from the chair to make a cup of tea, I always put my glasses on the chair "so that I know where they are" (I do say to them "you're there"). By the time I've made the tea, I've forgotten where the bloody glasses are and plop myself down ON THE BLASTED GLASSES! I look like I'm wearing Eric Morecambe's glasses these days, they're so buckled.

I am quite sure talking to the plants in the garden is OK - Prince Charles does it and they would have whisked him away by now if it wasn't.

I, err, need a cat otherwise I am just talking to ......

I don't talk to myself in shops except to say 'ouch' occasionally when my knee decides it is, just at that moment and only for that moment, going to be painful but I really do talk to the machine on the self-check outs. It's mainly just a cross 'I know!'

I manage some of my mother's more unanswerable comments with "oh right, mum" but I notice I am saying this - in the same tone - to people making perfectly reasonable comments. "It's been really windy today" ... "oh right x" (note to self, this is a conversation and you are meant to contribute). In my defence the 'right' has an upward inflection which invites the other person to reply.

Chewbacca

I think it's the carbon dioxide that does them good Gracesgran! I did have a little chat with the sunflowers today - 'you're doing very well' and a moan at the peas which are not doing anything much at all.
I am off to bed now and must make sure that Teddy is tucked up nice and cosy.
No no no, I can't have another dog.

Good night Jalima, good night everybody I'm off too.

Jalima peas can be like that, sulky little buggers.

I very rarely shout at the TV, just turn over or hit mute when the occasion demands, but as a Radio 4 listener, I confess to regular rants at John "Grumphries" on the today programme. I sometimes wish he could hear me.

Other things that I really should stop doing include:

Putting small amounts of left over food in the fridge, as I would feel guilty throwing them away while fresh, but somehow it's ok to do it 2 days later

Writing "to do" lists that include things I have already done, just so I can kid myself that I have actually done at least one of them

I once sat on the bus and said in quite a load voice - "Oh look little lambkins", then I realised I didn't have the children with me.
I also apologise to lamp posts when I bump in to them

As for talking to cats aren't you supposed to?

My DiL tells the dog to go and find her brother and sister, meaning the GC,

My fig tree also go a good talking to yesterday, if it doesn't sort itself out it is being replaced by an IKEA artificial tree.

This strikes me as a totally unnecessary thread. Nothing you are doing is at all out of the ordinary!

I go into the garden to tell my plants how well they're doing. It seems to have worked particularly well on the roses this year

Cat's are meant to be spoken to. They give much better advice than dogs. Dogs just agree with you but a cat will show total disdain if you say the wrong thing.

Oh ha ha so many snaps! I must be normal ?!

All of the above, except I only sprawl on the sofa, but still can't get up without a grunt. Living on my own, I can chat or swear away to myself, cats or objects without being criticized. I don't normally swear in company, but tangled coat hangers are my worst enemy and deserve the tirade they get!

Talking to plants can work! Before I moved, I had a rant at a four-year-old Weigiela (sp?) that had refused to flower. Told it that if it didn't flower that year I would dig it up. It duly flowered.

crafting, your post immediately after the OP:

Plants need to be talked to. I also used to talk to our chickens and geese when we had them.

MrB goes through the motions of making tea or toast when he's bored or when he can't solve some computer programing problem. If an idea comes to him while he's hovering over the kettle or the toaster he abandons them and goes back to sort out the problem.

Next morning I find half damp teabags in mugs (damp because he's re-using the mug) and cold toast half out of the toaster. In my mind this means he wasn't thirsty or hungry at all. People are weird.