Counting my blessings

I may never be grandma.

My oldest son's wife told me having a baby the most revolting thing imagineable. She will not have an alien creature using her body and then taking up years of their life. Her words. She told me we should look elsewhere for a grandchild.

My younger son's partner apparently will have children but not until she is at least 35. She is 21. I said I could be dead by then. They said thats tough then.

Please be grateful for what you have and spare a thought for us who are denyed the pleasure of grandchildren.

2old4hotpants, I really feel for you and your family. I never expected to have anything but a second son - all through my pregnancy I somehow 'knew' he was a boy and I was happy with that. But he had a bowel problem at birth and spent nine days in SCBU. He was a difficult baby (in contrast with DS1) because of his tummy discomfort and had a big op when he was 2. Now 43, he is big and strong, and a dad of 2 boys himself, but I'll never forget that early period of anguish. ((((hugs)))) for you.

DD was expecting twins, her first pregnancy. They came early, very early and we were plunged into many weeks of worry as they stopped breathing on many occasions and had to be rushed back to hospital. Eventually all seemed to be well and I proudly pushed my identical twin granddaughters to the shops while their mum caught up on some sleep. Imagine my horror when a lady in the queue for the checkout admired them and then proceeded to commiserate with me. " lovely babies but what a shame they are both girls, maybe she'll have a boy next time".

I have a son and a daughter, my son is the elder by four years. I am talking of 30 years ago here. My neighbour has two sons who played with and were friends of my son. When my daughter was born my neighbour virtually severed contact with us, not inviting us to socials at their house when all the other neighbours were invited etc. This upset me but my husband told me it was her loss. I asked another friend and neighbour if she knew why we were persona non grata and she said that it was because I had a baby girl. She said that when the neighbour's second son was born she was very upset. Senseless.

I have two beautiful granddaughters and was not bothered what sex they were. I do hope for more grandchildren from my other son and would be delighted with either. When my youngest son was born I was disappointed because I had hoped for a girl but he has been such a blessing.

Every child is so different. Does it matter if we have boys or girls, gss or gds? It's nice to have "one of each" but not a necessity, imo, and doesn't make much difference in the long run.

2old4hotpants - Praying for your new dgs.

2old4hotpants ( great name, and aren't we all?) hope the little one does well, a real worry for you.
I agree with Monica in that most want a mixed family, I was happy to eventually have a boy after the girls were born, and enjoy having both a girl and boys as DGC.Whatever comes along is a baby to be loved of course.

OP - I sincerely hope your DSD health improves and he lives a long and happy life.

Joined Gransnet a few years ago but am not yet a GM! I have four children. My first was DD1, followed 2 years later by DS. I distinctly remember MAIL telling me after DS was born that "now you have one of each" I didn't need to have any more DC. I hadn't been bothered by what sex my DC were, although I did know I would quite like to have a daughter.Having had DD1 as my first child did mean I really didn't mind about any others. DD2 was born two years after DS.

When DD2 was 4, DH & I decided to try for DC4. As on every other occasion, I was fortunate to fall pregnant quickly. By this time, more scans were available and DH and I decided to have the nuchal fold test. I had an early scan at six weeks and, because they made the dates a week later than me, I went for a dating scan at 11 weeks, only to find I had had a missed miscarriage.

My husband and I were both very upset and not sure whether to try again - we had 3 healthy children, we were getting older and, although we mourned the loss, we knew we were far luckier than others. Fast forward 18 months and we decided to try again. I fell pregnant, then at 9 weeks suffered a miscarriage.

I still felt I really wanted DC4 and fell pregnant 3 months after miscarrying. I had learned from the previous losses that, no matter what the extra tests said, I would not abort this baby and so we had our first scan at 20 weeks. Everything was fine and DD3 was born when DD1 was 11, DS 9 and DD2 was 7.

I learned a different lesson - although I never worried about the sex, I wanted a perfect baby - it was only having lost 2, that I realised that if a baby I was carrying was strong enough to survive, I would cope with any other problems. I am lucky to have 4 children who are all happy and healthy and have brought endless joy. If and when I get to be a GM, I will count my blessings and will not care what sex they are.

Both my children have only had boys and they're all lovely! I had one of each myself but I've never felt any wild desire for one of mine to produce a girl.

My very best wishes to you and your family, OP.

I agree with those who say that others should be quiet about gender, and not project their own wierd ideas on anyone else.

I also totally agree that one should count one's blessings, and welcome every child s the unique individual that they are, to be loved and to love in return.

However, if in one's heart of hearts, there is some sort of longing for one or the other, born out of positive or negative experiences, then it is wise to admit it, just to oneself.

Having worked as a midwife, and brought up in a family that treated boys and girls equally, I thought that I had no especial wish. But I felt a yearning when the last boy was born - not a negative wish, but just a slight sense. One night, in those hazy first days, I dreamed of my daughter, of saying ' I'd have loved to have met you, but it wasn't to be in this lifetime'. I am usually such a practical and down-to-earth (NO new-agey, dreamworld nonsense!)person that it took me by surprise, but I held that dream, cherished it and loved my sons with all my heart and strength.
Now I have wonderful nieces, daughters-in-law, and 2 grandsons whom I cherish, and have no idea as to whether a grand-daughter will be born in this lifetime. But I do occasionally have a sense of her, looking very like my mother.

Wishing all the best for your DGS health OP.

When Princess Diana had two boys a friend said she was glad of it for 'people like you' - I didn't understand at first. She meant ordinary people with two of the same sex. But I'd never felt unlucky or sad, even though when younger I'd wished for a daughter, once second son arrived I never gave it a thought and felt blessed with two lovely boys. It was strange to feel that people might feel sorry for me. We went on to have a daughter later but knew we might easily have had 3 boys.

when I was 7 my mother woke me in the night to "come and see your baby brother" I remember being so disappointed, as I'd wanted a sister.Both my brothers brought worry and despair to my parents.
The older brother petty pilfering,the younger became a drug addict and committed suicide at 23 yrs old.The older brother married and has a successful life as an artist.
When I was pregnant I was absolutely terrified of having a boy,seeing my mother in tears so often with my elder brother, remand home police visits etc.I thought in my mind that all boys would bring was heartache.
She had a special bond with my brother,and he with her.
My father was a good provider,but had no connection with any of his children,maybe that's why brothers went astray?
I had my longed for daughter,but when I got pregnant again four years later, I had an abortion( which I now deeply regret) I was in a very unhappy marriage then.
Remarried have stepdaughter and son,great kids,so lucky.

sending love to you and your family, 2old4, along with every good wish that your little grandson gets stronger each day.

Makes you realise just what is important reading the OP and posts like mumofmadboys

Hope your little one gets better 2old

Also sending good wishes for your little grandson's progress - it sometimes takes something like this to make you realise we should be happy with our lot rather than yearning for the moon. When I was pregnant (eons ago) we were convinced it was a girl and had the name Jenny Lynn ready and waiting - when my son arrived we were so shocked (and pleased of course) it took ages to find a boy's name. Second time around we still had the girls name but also made sure we had a boy's too which was just as well when son no 2 entered the world. We were of course delighted when our first granddaughter arrived nearly 20 years ago and subsequently her sister and expected them to be our only ones so it was wonderful to be presented with two grandsons 3 and 2 years ago - even if they are on the other side of the world we don't love them any less.

tooldforhotpants I'm sending best wishes for your little DGS. My DD has just had her 2nd boy, she & her Partner had said they wanted another boy but I know my DD wouldn't have minded a girl. She knew from her 20 week scan that yes baby was another boy. There is 7 years between my 2 DGSs & DD had a much more difficult pregnancy + Gestational Diabetes so at 37 I doubt I can expect any more DGC. Boy or girl they will be loved just the same

My three grandchildren

I have 2 sons, and the eldest son had a family of 2 boys first of all. My DIL was advised not to have any more children due to a kidney reconstruction followed by 2 C sections. However, she became pregnant again and had a daughter. The pregnancy was a really worrying time for everyone, as she had gestational diabetes (now permanent 4 years later)and was really unwell. She didn't tell her mum she was pregnant until she was 20 weeks, and then only after the midwife offered to let her mum know!
I'm pleased we have a grand daughter, but, as others have said, just so glad that she arrived safely and my DIL (who I describe as a 'strong' woman)and my son are bringing up their children in their chosen way.

Best wishes to your grandson. I had sons which I was happy with. However I am now lucky enough to have 2 DGDs so am learning about girls with the next generation.

Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts. It means a lot to know that so many are wishing him well.

Hope your GS gets better.
I have five boys. I was desperate to have a daughter and indeed our first baby was a girl but she was stillborn. I then had five boys- all fit and healthy and much loved.I still feel sad we didn't have a healthy daughter but am very grateful for our five sons.

best wishes to your baby grandson hope all turns out good they are all precious and bring their own love .

I do hope your little grandson pulls through everything he has to go through.

When my third son was born I felt like putting a notice on the pram saying "It'a boy, he's lovely, we are delighted." When I was expecting my 4th baby all I got was "One more try for a girl?" I said "No" very emphatically but nobody believed me. I did have a girl that time and it is lovely but I remember saying to the midwife "Oh, it's a girl" but didn't feel any different to how I'd felt with her brothers. I do admit putting in an order for another girl when I was expecting my fifth, but only because I thought it would be nice for my daughter to have a sister. As it happened it was another boy but now they are grown up they are the closest of friends.

Keeping the tradition going I have 6 grandsons and two granddaughters, with a gap of 17 years between the girls, the eldest of whom has recently giiven me my first great grandson.

good wishes to your small DGS I hope he is soon recovered from his operation

A boy or girl....just happy to have any would be nice, but I don't.