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Children calling adults by their first name.

(68 Posts)
Daddima Fri 23-Jun-17 09:41:16

It seems this is now quite normal. Now, I don't have a problem with it, but my children didn't do it, and I wouldn't have dared!
I remember, when I was about 15, my mother's friend told me to call her Margaret, as calling her Mrs Smith made her feel old! My mother was not amused when she heard me, and I was told off in front of everyone!

annodomini Fri 23-Jun-17 10:02:09

My mother's friends were mostly 'aunties' to me. That got round any problem of what to call them. But my DSs' teenage friends used to call me Mrs X and now that they are all middle aged, they use my given name as do their kids.

MissAdventure Fri 23-Jun-17 10:05:51

We always called neighbours 'aunty' and my mum, well, mum.

MissAdventure Fri 23-Jun-17 10:08:09

I remember going round to a work friends house when I was in my teens, and she called her parents by their actual names. I thought it was very bohemian!

Shinyredcar Fri 23-Jun-17 10:21:39

When my DD was small she had a group of friends whose parents were called by their given names. I was happy with that, and their children called me by mine. I remained 'Mum' to my DD. It depends to an extent how easy your name is for small people to pronounce.

DGS at 3 found it interesting that I had three names — Mum, my first name, and my family name which was not the same as his. And then there was 'Mrs'. DSiL was against DGS calling me by anything other than Grandma, but I didn't mind. A rose by any other name...

M0nica Fri 23-Jun-17 10:25:47

I have got used to it. Although I remember how grown-up I felt when I went up to university and all the lecturers called me Miss T, rather than M0nica, as teachers at school did.

I had a friend whose children called her and her husband by their Christian names. It sounded very odd to hear a very determined toddler at less than 2 call piercingly across a play ground 'Caroline!' and have an adult respond. Their DGC call their parents 'Mummy and Daddy' and she accepts being called 'Grandma Caroline'grin

Eloethan Fri 23-Jun-17 10:32:45

We were close to our next door neighbours in Romford. Their children called my Mum "Auntie" but I called their Mum "Mrs X".

When my children were growing up, they called our friends by their first names and when I go to the school to read with children they call me by first name, at my request. Provided everyone is respectful to each other, I don't see it as an issue.

Anniebach Fri 23-Jun-17 10:46:02

I called adults Mr/Mrs or uncle/aunt, even the refugees who came to stay in the Manse became Uncle and Aunt

gillybob Fri 23-Jun-17 10:59:39

I too alway referred to adults outside the family as Mr and Mrs. I called my friends parents things like "Julie's mum " or "Karen's dad" .

These days my DGC call adults by their names which seems to make much more sense. Not so stuffy.

yggdrasil Fri 23-Jun-17 11:36:38

When I was a child, I had lots of 'aunties and uncles'. When I was a mother I was A's mum. Now I am a grandparent, my own call me Granny. But my partner's grandkids, who see me a lot more that my own do, call me by my first name. They already have a Nanny and a Granny, you see. But they say it with the same respect as if I was Granny, so that's ok with me :-)

PoshGran Fri 23-Jun-17 12:45:42

My nearly 3 yo GS calls me Grandma & Babcia (DiL Polish), while my 8 yo step-GS calls me & OH by our first names, which is fine by us.

We live close to the school where I used to teach & I was able to arrange things so that I never had children in my class who lived in the same part of the branched cul-de-sac as I did - but I still taught some of them in sets. Almost opposite me is one such family & both the children (who were & are delightful & now mid-20s) have been asked to call me by my first name, but will not, because they say it doesn't feel at all right to them!

ninathenana Fri 23-Jun-17 13:15:22

I still call my mum's old neighbour who I've know since I was four, Mrs X even though she signs Cxxccxxas cards to me with her given name.
My children had "aunties" D still calls her Godmother who is my best friend "auntie" GC have "aunties" too.

Elrel Fri 23-Jun-17 13:25:28

My DM (born 1909) called almost everyone outside the family Mr and Mrs and wouldn't entertain the idea of anyone not related being 'aunty' to me. My unrelated godmother used to put in books and cards 'from Aunty R' but not knowing what to call her I avoided calling her anything although I was very fond of her and loved her visits.
When the DM of a school friend insisted my DM called her by her first name, 'Margaret', my DM gradually got used to it but at first you could almost hear the inverted commas!!
Oldest GS is over 20 and calls me by my first name and his 12 year old DB occasionally rather shyly copies him. I don't mind at all. My GN name comes from a discussion about what to call GPS. I suggested it as an abbreviation for ELderly RELative. My friend Barbara has always liked her GC calling her Baba which came from the first GD's attempt to say her name!

cornergran Fri 23-Jun-17 13:34:16

Sign of the times I think. I always called non-related adults by their surname or with the prefix 'aunt' or 'uncle' before their first name. Our children did the same until teenage years when they swapped to first names only. Our grandchildren happily call their parents friends by their first names. we find most people call us by our first names, have just persuaded our solicitor to, we aren't formal people. When Mr C's maiden Aunt was admitted to hospital with a terminal illness she was delighted to hear hospital staff called her by her first name, she said at that point in her life there were few people left alive who knew her name. Made us sad.

Anya Fri 23-Jun-17 13:57:28

Good grief, I'm amazed that this is even being discussed. All my friends children call me by my first name and I wouldn't have it any other way. Certainly don't want to be addressed as Mrs. - had enough of that at work.

Only youmg family members get to call me Aunty and it's first names as soon as they hit adulthood. GC simply call me Nana.......so far.

mimiro Fri 23-Jun-17 14:34:41

aunty was the cover all
miss whatever was the second acceptable one
miss mary etc

Cherrytree59 Fri 23-Jun-17 19:03:19

As children we also did the auntie or Mr and Mrs form of address
Can't remember calling any male neighbours uncle.

My grandparents always addressed their neighbours as Mr & Mrs or Miss xxxxx
And if talking to children about another adult, they would refer to them as Mr or Mrs xxxx.

My children were allowed to to refer to adults by first names unless the were elderly and then they were encouraged show respect and use their surnames.

What makes my heckles rise is when a shop sends me a birthday cards and uses my Christian name or cold callers ask to speak one of us using first names.

I actually Prefer (on my terms) my Christian name to be used by other peoples children as well as adults, as it reminds me they I am 'Cherry' and not just Mum Gran and Sis.

BlueBelle Fri 23-Jun-17 20:18:00

I had 'aunties' and one who is still alive at 94 and was my mums friend is still Auntie Joan to me although she told me many thousands of years ago to call her Joan It just doesn't feel right I did have an Uncle Joe who was no relation but to be honest I used to forget he wasn't
I think it was a middle of the road thing not as formal as Mr or Mrs but more respectful than first name
I ve only ever been first name to kids who were friends of my kids or now friendsof my grandkids would hate to be Ms or Mrs to them and never hear the auntie thing any more

Daisyboots Fri 23-Jun-17 21:05:40

My exSIL's children, partners and now grandchildren all call her by her christian name. As my Mum lived to 98 she was Nana Elizabeth and me Nana 'Daisy'. Now the older ones call me Nan and and the littlies Nana. When my greatgrandson was born my granddaughter starting calling me greatnana in front of him. But I said I would continue as NanaD as my daughter wanted to be called Nannie. My late oldest friend's boys grew up calling me Auntie. Earlier in the year I met them again and they are now in their 40s. They started calling me Auntie but I said no please call me by my name only now.

Baggs Sat 24-Jun-17 07:08:58

I don't think greater formality in what you call someone when speaking to them has anything to do with respect. I see it as a formality established to give the impression of more respect between generations. I don't think adults/old people are more deserving of respect than children and teenagers. Because of that I'm perfectly happy for anyone and everyone, including my kids (I've always hated the word "mum"; don't know why) and grandkids, to call me by my first name. So nearly everybody does.

I haven't noticed any lack of respect, possibly because I don't expect any, though it may not be that simple.

Kim19 Sat 24-Jun-17 09:20:26

I don't think it's so much respect - although there was a tinge of that when I was taught as a child - but perhaps more of a pecking order thing? I think it had some merit but too inarticulate to express my thinking accurately. I'm somewhat uncomfortable with the first name practice from toddlers. Don't know why. Yet again maybe just an age thing. However, it is the modern way and I'm learning to live with it. Strangely enough I was just about to invite an elderly (yep....even older than me!) lady acquaintance of many years out for lunch when it amusingly occurred to me that I didn't know her Christian name. She's always been Mrs '------'. I will remedy that via her daughter.

Skweek1 Sat 24-Jun-17 09:20:51

As a kid family friends were "Auntie" or "Uncle", but as I grew up they expected first name terms ans actual family I eventually dropped the "Auntie" bit.. Most I know are first names these days (older than most!) but I get a bit cross when I go into hospital and very young nurses call me Sheila without permission - I feel they should ask whether it's Mrs X or Mary before taking liberties. I don't mind what I'm called, but would be nice to be asked. DH is 10 years younger, so MIL is only 15 years older than me, so we're on first name times, but I did ask at first meeting. DH asked my mum what he should call her and she said "Oh, Mum". My parents always sent letters to Mrs Patrick O'Connell and that was worse - I kept telling them that my name was not Patrick

radicalnan Sat 24-Jun-17 09:22:16

I am now 'Ernie's mum', he's the dog. People very rarely call me by my name.........we used to call neighoburs 'aunty' or Mrs Brenda.....all gone now of course.

nightowl Sat 24-Jun-17 09:31:20

Old school friend's mum - who was always Mrs H - is now Dorothy. My friend died in 2007 and Mrs H is a reminder of her, of my own mum who died 19 years ago and a link with my childhood. It still feels very strange calling her Dorothy (or Dot when speaking about her but never to her face shock). At 91 she is still a formidable woman!

mernice Sat 24-Jun-17 09:31:24

When I was young my mum thought it was a bit 'common' to call non family auntie, uncle so it was always Mr, Mrs. I just love the using of given name now. After all it's just a word, nothing more. Our grandchildren use the given name for their aunts and uncles too. It's not what people call you that matters it's how they treat you.