Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

The lumps in your custard are the stuff that dreams are made of Menopaws . Geronimo was chewing on one of your custard lumps for a week. blissful contentment

I don't want to be casting aspersions, but isn't it a coincidence that Giovanni met his end a week after eating the infamous lumpy custard?

Well, little Gordano may not have been bright or beautiful, but he was one of the 'all creatures great and small'.
Still, Hit The Road, Jack! Is good as well.
Who's doing the funeral flowers? I have lots of thistles in my garden, will they do?
Right, I must go and prepare all the food, we should have a packed bar, as Girton was well loved by all ( wasn't he?)

Too kind! Thistles would be wonderful lemon, afterall, he was a prickly little bugger.
Marydoll what are you saying? Are you hinting that Menopaws forcefed her lumpy custard to Gordon and choked him? And that she shoved one of her concrete filled meat pies up the drain spout, knowing that it would fall on Graham's little head and get him deaded? But that can't be true! Because that would be MURDER

Never Mind Giovanni, he is no more. Let's move on and focus on more important matters.
I thought we could invite the public as well as members to the wake. We could make a fortune, and clear our massive debts.
Unfortunately, the potato gin has disappeared. I thing SOMEONE brought a customer to the cellar last night. There were some strange items lying about this morning.?

Strange items? Like what? I hope she hasn't found the manacles and leg irons I was playing with last night

I couldn't possibly say on a public forum, especially as it might appear on a certain social media site.

Special Sunday lunch on the menu today, I've personally made a lovely wholesome steak pie and I am just about to make an apple crumble with...custard. Orders anyone, after all you've got Monday to digest it?

That steak pie wouldn't happen to have ferret in it would it Menopaws ?

No no no not enough meat on a ferret, anyway they are a bit tough....so I've heard

What a way to spend a bank holiday. While you all have been out on the tiles I gave been babysitting four temperamental ferrets - Boris, Theresa, Jeremy and Diane and do they fight. If they don't behave themselves they will be slippers by tomorrow.

The man in the suit shut in the cellar is the VAT inspector. I'm afraid my creative accounting went astray. Maybe a slice of pie would finish him off.

If the man in the cellar is the VAT inspector, who is the gentleman I locked in the outside loo?

The undertaker Marydoll . Let him out for heaven's sake. Poor man only came to bury Gregory.

What time is the wake? Am getting peckish.

Just to update you all. I have printed the raffle tickets to sell at the wake.(Remember, we discussed it as a way of sorting out our cash flow problem)
First prize is a date with me; second prize, a meal for two, *Menopaw's steak pie, followed by custard; third prize- I'm stumped.
Has anyone anything to offer?

Me in lycra cycling shorts? I look hot!

A date with the vat inspector?

Hey! Are you saying that I don't look alluring in my cycling shorts Menopaws ? I'll have you know that men literally fall down when they see me dismount my trusty 3 gear. They look like this ?

You certainly do look hot, try wearing an all cotton tshirt next time.??much cooler.
A date with you Mary but what if one of us wins?
I could offer a knee trembler in the cellar, as long as a male person wins!
Or, one of my renowned hedgehog curries ?

What about offering our little ferret pups as prizes?

I love this thread!

I've got trembling knees too lemon. Sadly, nothing to do with excitement these days though.

I don't remember giving you permission to use my picture Chewy

How very dare you DameJudy ! That's the photo that was taken when I'd won the slimmer of the decade award at Slimafataholics Anon! I worked damned hard to lose all those 4llbs you know! Only 3 kitkats; 4 Mars bars and 2 Chinese takeaways a day.

But, that's my diet too.

I can't believe it Chewy

I think you might be my <gulp> lost twin!!