Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

I can't wait?

Don’t ring us, we’ll ring you.?
In any case, we don’t want to tire you out ( although you certainly have a lot of energy) that pole will never be the same.

That's very generous of you Eg but no, thank you. Would you like a drink of something? Andrews Liverpool Salts maybe? To help with that dreadful flatulence? that became apparent when you did that upside down high kick

That reminds me, where is POGS she did an amazing windy routine ( as long as you did stand upwind of her) these speciality acts are hard to come by, can anyone think of something in the way of a novelty performance, to bring the punters flooding in?

I can play "God save the Queen" on a good day....

Ah, but play on what?

I do a very good gurning routine, even when I'm not trying. That any good?

Sorry I thought we were talking about wind routines

Do you follow a special diet to be able to do that Eg? Beans and stuff?

If needs must, then I could do a clog dance on a table, wearing only clogs and a hopeful expression and a spray of Chanel 5?

No it's all natural. (Farts her way quietly to bed)

What a pool of talent we have!

I think Eg's God Save The Queen could be "interesting". Could you come for an audition Eg?

As long as gas masks are supplied!
Will the last one out turn off the lights and lock up the bar tonight,

I am truly traumatised. I'll never sleep and have to go on that thing thingy something "Anyone awake? " thread.?

Perhaps we will have a quiet night in The Argy tonight, last nights excitement was more than enough!
Shall I show you what I bought today? Ta dah! Here he is, a large long haired Alsation ( it’s a dog! Don’t get your hopes up.)? I thought if we put him on a blanket near the door he would deter all undesirable elements ( our usual clientele) and we could encourage a classier customer.Whaddya think?
He could also chase the gone wild ferrets in the cellar.
What shall we call him? A free pint of cooking sherry for the best name.?

Jason as in ...and the Argonauts

Jason the Alsation! I like it!

Hang on Lemon, is that mutt house trained? From my recollection, German Shepherds leave slightly larger "deposits" than ferrets and you know what a problem we had with those.

Argentina

Argyle

That’s it! Jason it is, he even looks like a Jason.One pint of cooking sherry coming up Meno ?
Well, not exactly house trained.Although he has lived in a house.

Oh for heaven's sake! We're over run with feral ferrets; we've got fungi growing out of the lav and you bring in a mutt that isn't house trained? How is that going to get us that extra Michelin star we've been hoping for? We're never going to get into the 100 best places to eat directory at this rate.
Can Jason do any tricks to earn his keep?

Yes! He can bark the word ‘sausages’ ( I taught him myself)
Good eh? What? It’s been done before?

Not even Croft original.? Sorry to stop the game before it started everyone!

Croft Original? On what we've got in the swear box Menopaws?

A talking dog eh? Does it do any tricks too? Like dancing or rolling over to command? My ferrets would run up a trouser legs on command wouldn't come back out though

If anyone is interested, I have the remnants of a bottle of Harvey's Bristol Cream, which I bought for my engagement party in 1976. Could we use that?
Or do you want to save it for Tomgransnet if he dares to enter the cafe.