My mum is 100 had a party last December and made a speech. Then a month ago she became different, not just forgetful, quite angry sometimes, then had two falls. Almost overnight there was such a change.I live in Spain but was here in England to see mum and my children etc. After the 2nd fall in 2 days and her morning carer finding her on the bedroom floor paramedics were called, then her doctor, nurse, it was awful and by afternoon we were told she was slipping away. End of days meds brought in. My husband and I stayed all night with mum, Me holding her hand, saying goodbyes for hours. Next morning, she ate breakfast and nurses were amazed. Since then my sister , her husband , me and mine did 24 hour care in couples with daytime nurses and carers, it was exhausting. Using a rotunda to turn mum, a commode, hospital bed. Toiletting every 25 minutes like clockwork, mum's not incontinent but that means so much energy needed to assist her, we are aged from 65 to me 70. I have a torn meniscus in my knee and shouldn't stand while waiting for an operation!
Not being able to find 2 carers for even one night privately we had to look at nursing homes and mum was fast tracked and offered some places.
9 days ago she moved into the one we all preferred. It's been hell.
Mum knows what's happening and knows most of the time that we couldn't go on as we were, my husband even doing toiletting to allow me to have bedrest on doctors orders. However the decline in a week, the having to understand the system, what carers can and can't do. We weren't told all clothing was laundered daily, everything, including ruining mum's breast prostheses and me arriving one day to find her in a skirt from lost property, all her 3 pairs of trousers washed at once! She was so upset and embarrassed. Sensors promised were not in place in her room for a week, no call button for 2 nights, she fell trying to get to her ensuite. A male resident trying to climb into her bed the first night. And yesterday her mum's gold locket is missing. My sister dressed mum to go to the home, mum always wears her locket, we were told no valuables, I understand why but it felt like entering prison, she begged to keep it and we told her and staff it was to remain on her, even in the shower. So, 2 nights ago it seems she began removing it and wrapping it round her wrist, family weren't told. Yesterday morning when dressing her the carer couldn't find it. Maybe it fell down the toilet, maybe not. Room searched, laundry searched, it's gone. It was mum's mothers wedding present from her parents, she died when mum was 10. Mum inherited it after her sister died and it was to be passed on to me
I feel heartbroken , everything feels like a death, no one talks there, everyone seems much worse than mum but that unit is considered, early dementia. Carers are 99% lovely but she begs to go home, looks depressed and is more confused already. She's too weak to walk but a month ago lived alone and made me scrambled eggs.
I feel bereaved, 17 years after dad died she lived alone, she expected to die at home like he did and apart from this is well, recovering from breast cancer at 90. Its cruel and horrid. Today I had so much knee pain I stayed in bed and took a day out. I have slept 5 hours! But tomorrow it will be like yesterday, I can't go home to Spain yet and we're living in our empty house with garden chairs and mattresses on the floor.I pray this won't be for long for mum and for others in this situation. X
Giving my pots a bit of a boost after the winter
