Being mum to a transgender child.

I do make a distinction between LGB people and transgender people. Both the Aspie support group and the transgender support group I belong to support the theory of the high overlap. The part about the LGB community is just my theory.

I don't know about more noticeable Mary. The piece I read that suggested that ASD people are represented more than non ASD people in clinics supporting transgender people. I do agree with you though, that ASD people having learned from childhood that they don't 'fit in' may be a factor. Remember the days when aversive therapies were used to try and stop gay men being attracted to men. Progress and understanding is so important.

There is a strong overlap between Asperger's and being transgender - in the wide sense. I'm not sure about a connection with sexuality, but Aspies are used to failing to fit in with society, and are often not good at keeping secrets. That might mean LGB Aspies are more noticeable.

Iam64 please pm me thank you.

Please PM me. You're not alone x

Backsup1 - one of my close loved ones has a diagnosis of ASD. He is very bright but socially isolated. He told me recently that he struggles with his sexuality, sometimes wears lip stick and feels better in a skirt. He added that he feels lucky with his family as none of us have criticised, tried to persuade him otherwise and all told him whatever, we'll always love him. He's in his mid 20's and we don't know what's next
I read recently that young people on the ASD are more likely to be anxious about their sexuality/be transgender. I plan to read more about this. We know relatively little about this area because it's been something people have felt needed to be kept quiet or seen in terms of Musical Hall in movies like Tootsie or Some Like it Hot. We're moving into learning and accepting 'difference' thanks to the LGBT community having a higher profile and living in a more tolerant society.

I forgot to add it started with him being diagnosed with asperger's
He went to councelling and has threatened to self -harm
That's when the alarm-bells were set off
He now dresses all the time in boys clothes and seems to be dead set on getting top surgery
It scare's the life out of me but all i want is for him to be happy and alive as any mother would.

Thank you for posting this as i am going through the same situation with my 17yr old Son
He was born female but told us at 15 that he has alway's felt like a boy
We support him all the way

The daily FAIL comment section I avoid! Makes me wonder how on earth society can be so ignorant and cruel - I use to read every comment and reply to many.....but it was utterly depressing.

Hi Granby - Thank you for sharing your story - and it's lovely meeting you and hearing your positive story - and hearing your daughter is happy ? it's not often I come across another mum ?

I have no personal experience here but have found the posts deeply moving and wish you all the very best.

Remember reading Conundrum by Jan Morris nearly 40 Years ago. So sad that it has taken so long for trans gender issues to be discussed openly.

Deni, I, too, have a transgender child (biologically male). Well, she's 27 now, but from the very beginning, she insisted she was a girl. I never really felt the loss of a son, because she was adamant from as soon as she could talk that she wasn't a boy. Even before she could talk, she'd put a cloth on her head, and never take it off, and eventually when she could speak, she told me it was her long hair! She, too, went to the Portman Clinic at the Tavistock, and we also attended Mermaid meetings! When she was 17, I paid for her to have reassignment surgery, privately. She now looks and sounds exactly like a biological female. She is a beautiful, funny and wise young lady, and I couldn't be more proud of her!

Wonderful post. I work in a school where we have had some transgender children and we are amazing with them - as are the other students. Please try and convince the entire readership of the Daily Fail comments section.

PS. What a fab Mum you are x

Thanks for your post Denil and how good to see the positive comments that followed. The development of understanding of GLTG issues since the 1967 act decriminalised homosexuality can only be beneficial to society.

I'm so over whelmed with the positive posts in response - and it has made me realise posting was the right thing. You never know what reaction you will receive but there are similar who face the challenge.
In response to some -
Yes I often wonder how my daughter would have turned out. But there is no mental image of that. I can't imagine what she may have looked like.
@Franbern - a very small proportion continue to surgery - I think something as little as 15 per cent - one criteria is they live in the preferred gender role for 2 years, mixing in society, going to college etc, at that point a GP will write a letter supporting the young adult who will then be assessed. Blockers often for 2 years. Dependent on age. At no time is it irreversible. You can come off blockers and your hormones will kick in. Surgery is a long ardious process. Please feel free to pm me at any time.

@avalon - it is perhaps a stage that will pass. I admire you all greatly that your GS has time to just be, sometimes it is just what someone needs at that moment in time, and if your GS transitions in time it will be the same beautiful child, the world is scary, but less so with support.

@MaryXYX
Deeply saddened by this story and the utter final insult the school choose to acknowledge him under the wrong pronoun. An incredibly sad loss for the family.
A name can be changed at anytime with parental consent. My son was 15.
A birth certificate is harder.
Surgery is funded but has many loop hole's - we had to find a willing surgeon - who was private - the NHS per say don't have surgeons who do it. Once agreed you beg for funding - and it's hard. It takes a lot of research and for you to be happy with that surgeon as you only get one shot at it.
Hormone is NHS paid. That is life long. My son goes every 3 months for a testosterone injection.
I'm angry too - all you can do is lay yourself on the line and try to help a mass understand that being transgender is not a choice. It's a hard, brittle battle. I only pray the negative, uneducated voices will be drowned out by the positive.
Love to you all.

I am so glad that your son has found himself and is now a happy human being. He will have to put up with taunts and gibes from people who fail to understand but he will come through, believe me I know. I wish you both a happy life.

Deni thank you for your post. It hasn't been an easy road for you and your son not to mention the rest of your family. Your pride in him shines through, I'm sure he must also be so very proud of you.

Thank you very much for sharing this with us all. It's been a very helpful and interesting post. Hopefully in the future we will all find it easy to accept people as they are - whatever that 'are' is. Only recently I met some transgender people. I admit I felt a bit shy in case I said the wrong thing but after a few moments I felt very comfortable and then thought - why shouldn't I? We had a common purpose and had great fun. We do tend to focus on differences rather than commonalities and forget our humanity.

Thank you Deni, on behalf of all of us who had been through that struggle. Most of us, like me, without any of the support you have given your son.

Franberg: It's only recently that children have been able to express their gender identity. Most of the trans-people I know were well into middle age before they had sufficient knowledge to understand what they were.

Unfortunately the reality is still more like this recent report in my area: www.bucksfreepress.co.uk/news/15506437.Transgender_teenager_found_dead_in_bedroom___39_struggled_with_identity_issues__39___inquest_hears_just_days_after_Pride_parade/ of a recent local death. In this article I note:
The school told him he had to be 16 to change his name. Not true if he had parental permission, which he had.
The GP told him the NHS would not pay for surgery. Not true.
The headmistress pointedly deadnames him even after his death.
Sorry, but I'm still upset about this one.

I share the comments of MissAdventure and Norah Love and best wishes to you and your family.

Thank you for sharing, denil
Very best wishes to you and your son..

You have done remarkably well in a hard situation. Your love shines through the writing. Thank you for a wonderful informative thread.

I really appreciated this discussion because my 18year old GS announced this year that he was transgender, wanted to be called by a new feminine name, and called 'she.' It was a huge shock to the family, not a case of early childhood signs, and there was a lot of grief and worry while at the same time much love, acceptance, and support. She is now off to a university which is also supportive of LGBT students. Still has no outward signs of the change except for somewhat longer hair, and we have come to understand that some trans people do not make major changes in appearance or have a medical/ surgical transition. We hope she will take a long time to live with this identity change before taking further irrevocable steps. We feel that she was brave to declare herself, to parents, grandparents, classmates, and I hope I can take on some of that courage myself one day at a time in the years to come. She seems much happier living her truth, as the trans community says. We are in transition ourselves, giving up a wonderful grandson and learning to support a grandaughter's first scary steps into the world.

I personally know two young people who are transgendering from female to male ,both have had fantastic support from schools and the community ,in one case the older members of the family have been difficult/critical and refuse to accept its not "a phase" .Maybe thats just an age thing,though the family aren't any older than me.