Being mum to a transgender child.

deni1963 - this is a very moving story and thanks for sharing with us. You and your family must have endured many difficult times but have come through it. I am so glad you have an amazing son. I wish you both well.

Denil963 that is a very brave post and I hope you feel comfort for having written it. I have heard so many stories of children who have not felt comfortable in the roles assigned to them by society, and of adults feeling their lives could have been so different if they'd only been allowed to be who they felt they should have been. I have no words of advice but I admire your support for your son and wish him every happiness.

I can imagine how hard this has been for you and your son and how you mourn your Daughter .I wish you and he all the best

You are very brave to face up to what has happened in your life and for posting about it.
I wish you and your son all the best in life now and I hope he (and you) are happy with the very difficult choices he has made.

Thank you for sharing your very personal experience and feelings. The way things are it often feels like society keeps taking several steps back. I do wonder and at times hope that it may not be too long before many many Differences are seen as the norm.

I have struggled to find words to reply to your post Denil63. Thank you for sharing. Your honesty and painful insight is informative and profoundly affecting.
I am sorry if my OP about gender labelling / negative stereotyping was in any way offensive - not my intention.

I have my own historic reasons for wanting to explore related issues about how gender identity and sexuality may, may not be connected and become determined.
For different reasons, I can also empathise with some of your pain over loss, but you have opened my eyes to experiences of pain that I never ever thought of before and I think that may be the case for many others -so again, thank you for sharing.

It sounds like you have been a wonderful mum and have a son who has been incredibly brave and able to face his own challenges because of your loving support. At the heart of all of our parenting , we want our children to be decent, loving human beings and to find happiness by meeting the same in others. You have set your son on that path.

Wise words Imperfect27

Wonderful that you and your lad have found a good ending result Dani We all have to support our kids whatever they want to be or do
I think difference is wonderful and should be applauded my only complaint is I just wish the clothes thing had happened without a fanfare in other words instead of all this controversial arguing, is it good is it bad etc the clothes could have just been mixed up as they saw fit

I too struggled to find words,My heart goes out to you, You are a wonderful mum and I am sure your son is very proud of you to, he has be very brave, I wish him all the happiness in the world, God be with you both.

I admire the frankness, honesty and love that shows through the OP
You are lucky to have each other and I wish your son well for the future, we can only hope that people become more accepting in years to come.

I found your post very moving in it's honesty denil963, thank you for being so open about such a personal journey. It just highlighted for me the anguish folk go through in situations like this, it says a lot about you and your son that you have maintained a close relationship. Wishing you and your family happy times. x

That was a very interesting and moving post Deni - you have a son to be proud of and I'm sure he loves you dearly for your support on his journey.

Thank you for the wonderfully supportive comments.
Imperfect27, no offence taken. I think sometimes it's important that people realise that it isn't a matter of labelling that tells someone who they are, my son always knew a mistake had been made.
Gender and sexuality are two separate things. My son likes girls. I know other transgender males who like men.
It's worth adding that at 15 my son had to decide whether to have eggs frozen for future children. At 15 he just wanted to get on with treatment so said no.
Transitioning affects the whole family. Siblings really take the worse from school. My sons school felt he would be better in a hospital school. He wasn't ill and I had to fight with them to protect him. It didn't work. So on top of two jobs I home schooled him for GCSE. Every day was a battle not just in the home, but outside trying to get help.
Your messages support me - I just want people to know another side that isn't media hype and lies.

I know of a local school where currently 4 students are in the transition process. Staff are very supportive and I 've heard of no bullying.
Is this exceptional I wonder?

Hi mcem
I think schools now are obliged to have thing in place. When my son was going through everything the school just didn't want him there. The bullying was extreme, and being Catholic it went against everything they preach. Thankfully many schools are now more educated and aware, although no transition is easy.

Deni963 Your post made me cry ....

A child is a child it doesn't matter what gender they are, you are absolutely right.

So amazing that it was mentioned at such a young age about how he felt about himself.

My Dad was trying to explain to us kids what being gay was and he told us a story about a guy he knew that tried to kill himself because he did not want to be gay.

Your son was and is soo fortunate to have parents that supported him and helped him and stood by him.

Your family have been through a lot and I would like to thank you for sharing your story, you are amazing.

You have a wonderful HAPPY healthy son and that is all that matters.

Deni, I have PM'd you. x

???

My heart bleeds for you. At college I had a good friend who was clearly borderline male, who thought like a male, looked more male and now would almost certainly have gone through the sex realignment surgical processes. She would have been so much happier.

You have had a difficult time but you obviously have a great relationship as mother and son and have been so supportive of his journey. As an adolescent therapist I have worked with transgender young people , not just about their transits ion but the anxiety and low mood they often experience whilst trying to get what they need. It is a long stressful process and not everybody has such an accepting parent. You are right suicide is an ever present risk, a living child is obviously better whatever gender they wish to be. Schools are getting better at understanding the issues and offering support but we are not there yet but it is improving. Stonewall is a good charity to help .

What a wonderful parent you are...

A close family member announced last year she wanted to be a he. No sign of this as a child. She hadn't liked dolls but had loved dresses and pink, acting, dancing and singing. Lots of issues at school and she had dropped out with no qualifications.

There was a recent appointment at Gender Identity clinic and it was revealed she had been sexually abused by a close family member (now in prison) from just before puberty for many years. Apparently there is a huge correlation between gender issues and sexual abuse. No wonder she no longer wanted to be a girl when that body had made her so vulnerable.

The clinic says before he can have testosterone (the next step in transitioning) he must have counselling about the sexual abuse but he refuses to talk about it so will not be eligible for testosterone.

No idea what I can do to help. I am trying to get to know this new young man. But I can't help but miss the bright funny little girl.

Denil963, out of interest, does your transgender son have any brothers or sisters?

Namechange please pm me.

Yes I have an older daughter of 26.