Buying birthday/Christmas cards for husbands family

my husbands family would never have had a card ever if he'd been left to buy them,we've been married 42 years and he's bought me ONE in all those years ,he does buy me presents though He thinks cards are a waste of money .So I buy all the cards and presents that need bought always have ,I dont mind doing it and I am organised so they are in the present cupboard in advance of the date.Only three people left to buy for Christmas ,22 already bought ready to wrap ,though I've 5 birthdays this month and another 4 before Christmas

I do Christmas cards for both our families but I draw the line with DHs family birthdays if he won't bother why should I.

I buy gifts and cards for my family and DH buys, if he remembers, for his family. I think DHs family do not receive cards or gifts often.

Wow paddyann you are organised, I haven't even thought about Christmas.

tanith I agree why should you bother if he doesn't .

What I'm also wondering is does your husbands family send you a card? Or does no one bother ?

My OH never seems cards to his family. Usually I get one, but sometimes very last minute.

I like his brother and sister, so I get them a card, and make him sign it. I know it means a lot, particularly to his sister. Terrible I know!

I don't think my old boy has bought a card or present for any occasion for any of his family since we married 48 years ago. Spoilt? Probably, but he does always remember my birthday and has got better with presents over the years too so I'm not complaining!

My husband stopped writing to his mother from the first time I foolishly said 'I wrote to your mother to thank her ....'. He never buys presents for anyone except me and these days I usually get my daughter to drop hints as to what I want. Judging by my latest birthday presents from my son and his wife the tradition seems to be continuing. I got a beautiful bracelet , obviously her choice, and a paperback clearly added on by my son.

Told him when I married him (a second marriage) that I would not be taking responsibility for this. He's in charge of birthdays and christmases for his dozen or so immediate family.

It's one of those jobs which come under the heading of admin which is my dept. We share tasks according to ability, I can't do maintenance or cook so my husband does that. I like his family and am happy to keep in touch. Not so many cards now though, the younger generation don't seem to bother and friends are sadly dying now.

I send all the birthday and Christmas cards. He doesn't even buy me one. I don't mind. He's very generous with gifts throughout the year, just doesn't see the point of buying things just for the sake of it.

No mention of this in the marriage service is there?

It needs some serious updating, all that 'forsaking all others' has dwindled off a bit, why not have a 'and sending all presents' bit instead, just so people know what they are getting themselves in to.

When I was married I did all the card and present buying for my husband's family. He wasn't ever going to, and I thought it was only polite that they received them, especially when kids were involved.
Now my son (married with kids) is exactly the same - I don't get b'day wishes via text, never mind cards! I don't see why his wife should do it for him (and neither does she). It does hurt not to get anything from him.
My daughter is totally different - always thoughtful about birthdays etc. I wonder where I went wrong ? I always tried to treat them equally but obviously sent out some mixed messages somehow...

We always buy cards for one another. Think we both would be disappointed if either didn't get one.
On our anniversary we just go for a meal usually with our family. Next year is our golden we are deciding what to do for that don't want a party though.

H only has one sister that we are in touch with the other cut herself off years ago, his parents are both dead and so are his 6 aunts and one uncle.
I always sent cards to his family at Christmas and his sister and parents for birthdays. His sister sometimes sends us and the children birthday cards but often forgets.
The only cards I've known H to write in 45 yrs are to me (he's never missed a birthday or Christmas) and to a handful of work mates at Christmas

We're not really into cards, and DH is housebound, so either DS or I buy cards for close family on his behalf.

I always bought and wrote the cards when married to my first husband, but he would always be involved in choosing the cards, posting them etc. I never got the feeling that he was pushing this job onto me, and he had no trouble in going out to find me lovely cards for birthday, anniversary and Christmas. With husband no 2 the situation is quite different. One of the first things he said to me was that he never wrote/sent cards but that he would like me to do that so he could strengthen his relationships with his family. I was happy to do this in the early years, but with time and the complete lack of acknowledgement and reciprocity I have now told him that I no longer see this as my responsibility. He keeps a list of his family's birthdays and then reminds me that 'we' have to send a card. Now I firmly remind him that when I receive a birthday card from those relatives, it will be the first time - and that until I do I will not be wasting my time sourcing and sending cards to them. He has accepted this - what option does he have? I should have done this years ago and saved myself a lot of time and effort!

Everything reflected badly on me as far as my ex husband's family were concerned - if he didn't ring his mother, if a birthday card/present was missed etc etc. The humdingers were always the invitations HE didn't want to accept - he always responded on the phone that he would have to check with me before accepting this when he went back to them (often without even asking me!) and refused the invite they automatically assumed it was because I didn't want to go!

I do all the card sending and present buying. His family would never hear from us if it were left up to him! I don't mind at all. I love his family and have none of my own ...

DH told me when we got married that was one of the reasons he married! I had to remember his sister's birthday, parents, the nephews and niece etc.
After a while, I rebelled, reminded him of the events, gave him a stock of cards to choose from and left him to it!
when I hit 60, I decided that cards etc., were not a competition, so I ditched all the people who were peripheral to my life, I would never see again, [or never wanted...] so now have a very reduced list! In fact, I only post Xmas/birthday cards to those people who don't have email.

Depressing. Why do you do this?? If a person does not care enough to send a card who are you to think you have a right to make them look as though they care?

sandelf I don't do it to make it look like he cares. I do it because I care.

As for your last sentence well, the mind boggles.

I do all the card sending and present buying for both our families.......my DH does help with the wrapping of Xmas presents though as I am impatient after wrapping 2or 3 and get bored with it all and he has far more patience than I have. He always remembers cards for me though on birthdays and anniversaries. This became one of my jobs over the years and DH is the sorter out of finances and bill paying. Other jobs such as washing and ironing are my jobs only......( prefer this as would probably have to renew a lot of clothing if left to him!) ...while quite a few other household things we share together. This works out for us and we are quite happy with this arrangement.

I always did all the cards, because I knew he would forget, and then OH's family would have regarded this as a failing on my part, not his. In fact, everything that was wrong between him and his family was pinned on me and deemed to be my fault.

Grannyticktock I too feel his family would regard it as a failing on my part if a birthday was missed.
I wonder if they do think that or is it something we just imagine ?