Nightmares

It's horrible, isn't it. I have found myself waking up in the early hours because of an article I read about male spiders coming in from outside to search for mates. Last year we had the most humungous beasts indoors and they terrify me. I don't go to bed consciously thinking about them but my subconscious is obviously working overtime. I feel wrecked during the daytime because of the broken nights but don't know how to stop them.

Eglantine, you only remember the dream you've been having when you wake up. Towards the end of your sleep period, sleep gets lighter and lighter with several waking moments, so you can get the impression of remembering all your dreams. They are only dreams, but if there is a theme that is troubling you, it's worth getting a bit of help. It's not usual to ruminate on their content.

During my pregnancy I had a vivid dream that I can still recount all these years later! I had a dream I caught my mum in bed with the father of my baby ? I was very distressed and disturbed on waking & very angry!! It stuck with me. It could not have been true, my mum would not have done that & in any case she disliked him! He was also in prison!! We are strange creatures aren't we? ?

I've had a couple of nightmares recently too. In one I was in a supermarket with a baby in the trolley, something distracted me and when I turned round the trolley was gone. With the staff I rushed outside but there was no sign of the trolley or baby. What stays with me is the feeling of utter desolation at the loss - I think I even cried out, and then couldn't 'get back to sleep because I was laying there crying silently with grief. There is no baby in the family.

I sleep badly at the best of times and listen to the World Service on the radio through one ear phone - amazing what you can learn - I know the names of nearly all the shipping areas and coastal stations from the weather forecast! Perhaps I had some cheese for supper that night.

Are you taking statins?

Its been a full moon recently. I wonder if that has any bearing on dreams? Regarding the baby theme, a lot of the ones I have involve loss.

So many things here! Painkillers can produce nightmares. My DF was reliving his wartime experiences, post-operatively. Nightmares indeed. Medication can cause these side effects, so a review with your GP or pharmacist is worthwhile.

A friend who worked with dreams told me that repeated dreams return until you have addressed the problem they feature. Your brain is trying to communicate with you but it has limited means to do it. Baby dreams are about ideas you have that you are either ignoring or not getting to grips with. Being in a car with pedals too far away to reach, or you stuck in the back seat while the car hurtles along, reflects your own drive, and feelings of life being out of your control.

Our brains spring clean while we are asleep, and when we wake up in a dreaming phase we catch it in the act. It can be a privilege to eavesdrop on what is going on inside your head. We can learn a lot, so don't be nervous, welcome the insight and work with it!

Understand that there is a theory/book called lucid dreaming which can help.

A couple of days ago on Radio 2, they were talking about first loves, and how heart-breaking it can be when it ends. Almost all the callers (almost all men) were still obsessed with their first loves. I thought about mine for the first time in years. I was in love with him (totally unrequited) from the age of 12 to 17.

Then last night I dreamed about him for the first time in goodness knows how many years. He put his arms round me and held me and I felt so safe, wanted and happy.

I haven't even seen him since I was in my 20s and he was then working behind the bar in a gay pub!

I blame Jeremy Vine!!!

I thought I had forgotten you
In all my busy times and ways
No memory of your face disturbed my days.

I was convinced I had forgotten you
As surely as you have forgotten me
A lingering when a song is played maybe.

I really thought I had forgotten you
Till last night trespassing in my dream you came
And touched my hand and called me by my name.

I too have worrying dreams, like losing my front door key or missing the last bus etc. and wake up very anxious. Oddly enough a friend of mine said he was getting bad dreams too and they were of a similar nature. I wonder if it is an underlying anxiety when we get older and live on our own (I am 82 and he is 92) as to what will happen to us, can we cope etc. Not a lot we can do about that unfortunately.

My dreams have been that kind of worrying type too. I dream I am going somewhere, but the bus is late, then I don't have the right change for the fare, and I'm supposed to be there by a certain time, etc. Its a relief to wake up, until I realise its 3am!

I'm not on statins or any medication except sometimes zantac for a possible ulcer or acid reflux (waiting for an endoscopy).

My dream could be to do with my younger son - I haven't seen him for a year because they have busy lives, I have to travel to them and find a hotel (no spare room) and we never seem to have anything other than very mundane conversations - I often feel depressed afterwords, we used to be have a friendly comfortable relationship but now he's touchy and irritable. His wife goes out with her workmates, their son has his friends, he doesn't seem to have anyone.

Eglantine19 Never dwell or try and think about a dream...When ever this happens to me I switch on the Telly and watch a game show or a comedy..It instantly puts the dream out of my mind.

starbird that's so sad about your son, the mundane convo's that you have with him are probably due to him being so down.

Try harder, maybe he is just un happy and needs you to be there for him and not take the not talking to you personal and just a sign that he needs your Love and attention

As you say you're not on medication, I can't bring up my theory (based on experience) that antibiotics cause nightmares. It may still be some chemical goings-on inside you - hormones, maybe?

I also dream about being pregnant - it started when I had a hysterectomy.

I don't know how old you are, and you don't specify what these nightmares are about, but perhaps your psyche is grappling with the menopause and considers it a sign of mortality.

And people have said that having the radio on in the background helps you sleep. I can confirm that - I sleep really deeply when I'm listening to Radio 4 podcasts - I can recommend In Our Time particularly!

Thanks Serkeen

JackyB Not sure if your remark was for me - I'm 70!

I suppose my younger son is my baby. He is probably suffering from depression. In the evenings he just sits in front of the tv and drinks a bottle of wine most nights. If you speak to him you are interrupting the program (usually sport), it's good that my DIL has friends and can get out but if she's at home she goes to bed early to read or watch what she wants on the tv in 'their' bedroom. My son has been sleeping on the sofa for years because he snores loudly! They put on a show when I visit but I hear him go back down after supposedly going to bed and he has told me this is the case. My DIL even gave him a fleece blanket as a Christmas present one year. He is good around the house, they divide all the chores equally. He is at his best if they go out together as a family or on holiday - then they seem to talk to each other and get on well. My best bet when I visit is to take them out for a meal then we can chat a bit, but it's little reward for three and a half hours travel by train each way and a hotel bill!

Try Bach Flower remedy Rock Rose, it is for nightmares, terror, and nightmarish situations.Doesnt interefere with any medication, and you can drop it on your pillow or wrists, you don't have to imbibe it, though it works best if you do.Bach website is www.bachcentre.com.
I also like meandashys solution though!

I used to use a Bach Remedy for my fear of flying. It certainly worked and after a few flights I no longer needed it.
I hope you get some improvement soon Eglantine.